Carpe Noctem

Chapter Seven: Leianna

I never felt so bold. So safe to be open. Like I was with someone who would understand and he did. His words still rang true with me, still rang out like something I remembered soul deep, “the truth is a very dangerous thing” that had been my whole life. My truth, what had been done to me at birth, my pre-paved life, my pre-paved future, the destiny I was thrust toward. Make the best out of it, that is what I had always told myself. Making the best of it had nothing to do with me kissing him, or him kissing me back. That was something else entirely. It made me feel something that I believed impossible. Something that swept away the coolness and how I could reach out and touch the world. Something beyond the water, the fine mist of the air surrounding me, something that seemed a different kind of pure. In that moment I got a glimpse of a fire within, that could burn through me radiating something entirely new. Something very unlike all that I could understand. A kiss dissolved the world, this one and mine. Ending it, had me breathless against my own desire, wanting to kiss his lips again.

The way that Raxaorie looked at me, though he was concerned he had over stepped. I realised that we both had. When he asked how that kiss made me feel, it was a scramble for words, when I found them I wasn’t entirely sure where it was leading, or what I was saying one word to the next. It took following through with each word to realise exactly what it was that I was on the verge of discovery of.  “It felt like nothing I ever felt before, I felt something different, the way the air felt in my lungs… it was different. It was like there was some kind of spark in my chest, a flicker, a flame I don’t know but it didn’t feel, I didn’t feel normal. It didn’t feel like the water in my blood, it felt like for a moment there wasn’t a single drop of water in the air. It didn’t feel like me. It felt… It felt like you”

With confusion and surprise flickering in his stare. I saw it then, hope. When I spoke again, the words escaped me, in a voice that right now, sounded very unlike my own. “You… the blood of the angel in my veins.”  I knew what it meant. What I was saying should have been impossible. With Petrova’s sway, with our connected dreams, sometimes I could almost feel it, that new fire feeling, something that I had heard had dimmed in the other touched. What I could almost feel in her I had felt in myself, in that moment, I could feel it taking over me. Something completely new to me, all at once I had felt the glimpses of heavenly fire, and the way it had been almost polar to how I usually felt the world around me. From a balance of water and moisture to this new sensation, glowing warmth, a fire that burned without burning. If I could feel the glimpses of heavenly fire connected to Raxaorie, perhaps he wasn’t as fallen, as cut off as he believed. “This shouldn’t be possible?” This time when I spoke it wasn’t to him, it was to myself. I was going to understand, I needed to.

“What shouldn’t be possible?” I felt him lift my chin towards him but for a moment I didn’t see him. Not as I had before we had kissed. It was like my eyes were opening. He seemed brighter now, sharper in the dim light of the room.

“You’re not exactly… When I kissed you it felt…” I paused trying to find the words.

“Like heaven” he joked but he had hit the nail on the head. I nodded.

“I felt the fire. I have never felt fire, and certainly nothing like that, I’ve only ever known the water, not that I can swim but still. I have only ever felt water, I shouldn’t have been able to feel that, logically speaking, it should have destroyed me. How is it that I can feel both?”

“Because I can, we are linked. We are bonded.” He didn’t exactly make much sense.

“But that doesn’t explain how you feel both.”

“A fallen angel is always going to be an angel, even if he lives here, he will always feel the fire. But when you fall, you feel more than the fire, you feel the loss of it, and with that comes the water and the river. You feel it and then you slowly reach to it, and then, you learn to control it. You learn to do it better than those that have lived in this realm all of their lives, because you are more than just the one thing. That is where the power begins.”

“The devil is a fallen angel.” I felt a knot in my stomach grow.

“Yes, and he still feels the fire, it’s what fuels him I think. What has driven him to become what he is.” For a moment, you could almost wonder if he was in awe or horror.

“This is a lot to handle. I think I would like to go home now.” I wasn’t lying. Right now all I wanted was a cup of tea and to sit on the sofa and be somewhere I didn’t feel out of my depth.

“You can’t” his expression was almost hurt for a moment, before it became stone serious. “I had to lay cover for your disappearance, they consider you a captive in this realm.”

“So that’s not entirely wrong then.” I must have sounded blunt, because he let go of my hand. I hadn’t noticed him holding it until it wasn’t there. There was something unreadable in him now. I felt pretty unreadable, because I wouldn’t have been able to read myself. This wasn’t a usual passing confusion. This was a not being told something important confusion.

“No, but I had hoped you might have been a little more pleased in spending more time in my company. There is so much that you need to understand, and I can see you resisting now, I just wonder if I made a mistake.”

“A mistake? In what way?” I wanted so many answers to questions I didn’t know were possible.

“In telling you all this now, in what I am about to tell you.”

“Which is what?” I pushed him, despite what I had thought wise.

“When our moons align, the portal will open.”

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“I can become mortal again, if I choose.”

“What on earth would make you do that? You could live lifetimes, see the most amazing things…”

“Sure I can see all those things, observe them, from a distance, from so far away that they will never be real to me. I can watch nature. I could watch war after war, I could inspire it even. I did once, boredom is an ugly thing. I could cross the portal for more than just a day trip. I could stay a life time. I could experience so much more in your world.” For a moment I understood, I suppose I had watched far too many superhero movies and binge watched too much marvel, that I understood the idea of wanting life to be so much more. Sure my life was becoming increasingly strange but they always seemed to have a purpose or destiny that always worked out for them in the best way possible.

“Like what?” I couldn’t help my own curiosity. Whether it was curiosity or hope. I don’t know what I wanted to hear most.

“Like fall in love, have a family, have children and grandchildren, create a legacy.” He was planning a life time and I barely even have the inclination to decide what I want for dinner usually.

“But you’d die?” I couldn’t ignore the obvious, after all, as normal as what he wanted sounded, he was basically admitting he had a death wish going on.

“Not necessarily, I could come back here, before I die. Before my time. It’s not impossible.”

“No but it is risky.” For all he knew he could simply cross a road, get hit by a bus and boom, immortality definitely gone, along with all these plans he has in his head.

“Some risks are worth taking.” He leaned in and this time when his lips met mine I let the warmth flood through me again. My awareness of my surroundings dimmed a little. The only thing that had me distracted was how his hand felt as it moved from my waist to the small of my back pulling me closer. I didn’t resist. The way his touch made my skin feel on fire, made me feel alive. My heart thudding hard in my chest, breathless.

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