I said yes!!!!!!!!!!!

As you can see I am super excited to share with you my engagement….

It still feels wildly like a dream!

And that doesn’t surprise me… He and I have very different ideas of how it happened… mainly because he was 100% awake when he asked me and I was dosing off!

Can you believe it! On the night before our one year anniversary!!!!

So I asked him to do something for me, I asked him to write it as he remembered it. This is what he wrote for me:

We were cuddling up together watching Aristocats falling half asleep and I asked “how would you like to fall asleep and wake up next to me for the rest of your life?” You said “yes” with a big cute smile on your face and then I said “Ok in that case will you marry me?” You shot back and said “really?” I said “Yes really” and you said “yes” then I said “you better have this then” showed you the ring and asked again (Just to be sure) and you said yes.

 

Wanna know what I remember?

I remember closing my eyes and listening to the Aristocats cuddled up in his arms dozing a little bit and just feeling very blissed and happy and tired. When he asked me if I would like to fall asleep and wake up next to him for the rest of my life I had no idea what he was up to so I said yes without even opening my eyes. I think I must have opened them a bit because he moved away a smidge and asked me if would marry him and I couldn’t have been more surprised, hence my “really?” which was probably more a “really?!?!?!” or at least that is how it would have looked in my head. When he said “yes really” I didnt think twice for saying yes. I was wide awake and then he gave me the ring, I don’t remember him asking a second time, I just put that ring on and that was that. Wide awake and way too excited to sleep for hours. So I got out his present from in the cupboard that I had stashed there for this exact reason. Gave it to him and watch him get frustrated at 3 layers of wrapping paper, because you know, I am nice like that. He got a bow tie to learn to tie and his face did that super cute thing when he smiles which just grew even more when he saw his Toy Story “Woody” doll. Which made him even more excited when he found out that Woody Talks.

Safe to say it was an amazing night. A brilliant engagement. A frustrating proposal because my memory is a bit patchy until the part where I get super excited. But still very happy. Was a brilliant anniversary day too… But that will come in another post.

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The Diary of Elliot Parker

 

My name is Elliot Parker. Except it’s not. And you have known for a very long time.

This was my diary, not private thoughts, not all true and not all false. Some of it, was so very, very real. And you knew that.

I hope that was ok with you.

I started this with the hopes I would be able to deliberately create the life I thought I wanted. When I started I thought happiness came from a toxic relationship that was a cycle of heartbreak and never being enough. I thought that Clover was a good friend at the start, well ok at least, I thought we were trying to make life better and more fun for each other. She just seemed to want to see me keep to that cycle of not enough and being hurt all the time pursuing a relationship that hurt more than it healed. Our friendship cycled in and out of break ups and make ups. When it comes to Clover I think that she will keep her pattern of behaviour because it brings her the attention she wants. But I don’t think it will work so effectively anymore. I am done being abused by someone who has no genuine desire to see me happy. She reminds me now too much of my mother, who I rarely speak of at all, not on here, I save that for my therapist. I wish Clover the best.

I wish Adrian luck in his “not a relationship” and I hope he at least learned from the past, I know I did. I thank him for the experience and for the past that was shared. The good the bad and the ugly taught me what it was I really wanted and what I actually deserved.

I am thankful that I still have a best friend and brother like Hal after all these years. I want to thank him from the bottom of my heart for being the best friend I could have asked for, I want to thank him for years of friendship and fun. It’s been over ten years and I am still the luckiest for having such a wonderful, kind, supportive friend and I hope you have the best life, because you deserve it.

I want to thank Dyl for coming into my life. I want to thank him for showing me a healthy relationship, that love doesn’t have to hurt. I want to thank Dyl for so many things, that to list them would take an eternity but I appreciate every one of them. You showed me a new life, a happy one. One where heart-breaking times were something I could live through with someone so wonderful, strong and supportive by my side. Someone who just made life wonderful just by existing. Thank you so very much for being a part of my life, even if I fought how I felt at the start, I am so glad I stopped fighting and just let life change and grow and become all that it could be.

So while The Diary of Elliot Parker has had moments of pure anger, heartbreak and true pain; it has had the most wonderful moments of revelation. This diary has had some incredible moments of happiness and it hasn’t exactly been a “story” as such, it has been a diary or journal or whatever you call it. It had no beginning, middle or end structure. It had one thing in common throughout, me. I have been finding out who I am and experimenting with that and now I know, like I really know who I am and what I want it gave me the clarity to be able to choose and decide on what I needed to do to pursue a healthy happy life.

So to all those who have read some of my cringing disasters and some of my least favourable qualities and decisions. I apologize but I thank you. Without the bad decisions I probably wouldn’t have found out what it is I wanted to be, who I was. I had lost my identity. I know who I am now. I got to choose myself deliberately working out what made me feel good, what was best for me. Perhaps by reading some of my mistakes it will save you the trouble of making them for yourself.

I am making healthier decisions now about my future. One of those decisions, has been that I will be closing the book on this story. This for the foreseeable future is the end of The Diary of Elliot Parker. This is goodbye for Elliot Parker.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I have learned so very much and grown, hopefully very much too. I hope I have changed massively from the Elliot Parker who wrote that very first sentence.

This is goodbye from me; I hope you live the best life.

The Diary of Elliot Parker is OUT NOW here is the link for Ninety-One to One hundred and Twenty!  

And if you want the whole collection in one neat and tidy book, here is the link for the Complete Collection! OUT NOW!!!

The New Project update… again

So no luck on an agent so far, I have had rejections back but I am hoping that tide will change. I am still writing it, so maybe once it is done I will stand a better chance at getting published though I wouldn’t object to getting the second one under way. I just don’t know what to do for the best, in terms of writing here.

Like I understand my hesitation and my holding back can’t be much fun to read but at the same time I don’t know if the project is ready to hit here yet. So I think until I feel prepared and certain and have my answers I am going to have to start being a bit more creative with my posts.

I suppose I would like to know what you want to see so perhaps send me a tweet or comment or something. To be honest, I would love to get a little feedback.

I have to admit, eight years ago when I first took pen to paper- literally because that is how this all started, I never imagined it would ever be as confusing as this. Knowing what is right and what will work for you? No one gives you a magic formula and says this will work for you, trust it. No one even knows for a long time. It took a long while before I was ready to even admit I was a writer. I was in some kind of closet so to speak. In my day to day, when I began writing, I felt worse than trapped and worse than helpless. And now I look back at it I can see how much writing freed me.

While I escaped from some horrors in my life, or admitted to them in a way that I couldn’t say out loud, writing became a passion, more than just my therapy. So it has always been that wildly personal thing. Admitting that I am a writer when I meet people is difficult. If you asked me right now “what is my job?” I don’t think writer would be the first thing out my mouth, I would probably respond with I work in a supermarket. That is something I want to change. I want to be confident and assured enough in my self that I can say, “I am a writer” without any hesitation. It sounds like I have a complex, because when I write, when I sit down and pull open a blank page, that is the only time I feel confident, when I let the words flow, it makes sense. But when I stop and I go back to being me, I don’t feel that confidence, I don’t have that self assurance, sure I am better than I used to be, but there is a way to go to where I want to be.

So I suppose going from hiding my very personal thoughts to exposing them here, of all places, the world wide web, it is a strange experience. To then go from that to actively trying to get a publisher or agent, that is when things got scary and harder. I suppose to a degree the rejection lead me to a point where I realized I have to really truly start committing 100%. Committing 100% and working and trying to remain vaguely sane, that is a balance I haven’t quite achieved yet.

I want to do better and be better as a writer, and I have come on a very long way from the first stories that I wrote (Breathing Smog, Darling Daughters, Counting Corvids). Even the difference over time of how The Diary of Elliot Parker changed. I know I have grown with it, learning what I want to achieve and how to do it. I just want to sort of feel the rhythm and the path I am on is bringing the goal of being a published author- by a company and not on my own back. It can be a very lonely thing some times, being a writer. I suppose that is what makes the rejection a bit more of a hit to getting more writing done. But at the same time I know it is not impossible.

Nothing is impossible.

May luck and adventure be on your side.

ARA

xxx

The 2018 Project

I cut my hair so I know for certain that I can’t tick that off at all, sadly. But I did it in a post engagement super excited and ready for a new look thing so that is a positive hair cut.

I am going to try knitting more of that cable knit jumper as evil as it is.

I have started the editing process for the first book in the big project having decided to re-title it and give it an attack of the red pen.

I may not have Christmas wrapped up just yet but I don’t think it will be long. Fingers crossed….

 

24/7 Goals:

  1. Do Nanowrimo
  2. Write The Diary of Elliot Parker (4)
  3. Draft up book 2 of The Big Project
  4. Re-edit book 1 of The Big Project
  5. Edit book 2 of The Big Project
  6. Learn to drive
  7. See a West End show
  8. Complete at least one of the tattoos
  9. Improve on last year’s site views
  10. Keep learning guitar
  11. Create and keep a manageable writing schedule
  12. Look for/find an agent for The Big Project
  13. Finish the cable knit jumper
  14. Start and finish a cross stitch project
  15. Win the lotto jackpot
  16. Keep growing hair out
  17. Keep doing daily positive aspects
  18. Complete at least one minor savings goal
  19. Have Christmas wrapped up before October 31st
  20. Read around 12 books at least over the year for fun…
  21. Be more time efficient, come up with a better schedule.
  22. Fit into the blue dress again and go somewhere to celebrate it
  23. Begin writing the next big project for the site
  24. Enjoy 2018 as much as possible, be happy at every chance!!!!

4/7 goals complete!

London Film and Comic Con

Ok so let me just start by saying it was the best day ever and all of the photos have already gone up on my instagram if you feel like having a little look…

 

So we woke up at 5.30am in the morning to get ready- and we weren’t even going in a costume… 5.30am is an evil time in the morning! So anyway we got ready and left at around 7.30 ish and arrived just over an hour later to find a massive queue. It took about 20-30 minutes to get into the venue, luckily the people we were near in the queue were really nice and we had a lovely chat till we got inside.

Going inside it just seemed like a massive expanse, this was my first time at Olympia in London, but it was both of our first times to Comic Con. We did a bit of exploring and worked out the lay of the land, worked out where everything we wanted to see was. We saw some people doing autographs, we then found the photo booths, followed by finally deciding to go and explore all of the many stalls.

It was brilliant we went around and saw lots of cool stuff we couldn’t afford to buy yet. There were bags and gadgets and sparkly jewelry and notebooks… Oh the notebooks… I could have spent hundreds on notebooks alone!

We saw amazing cosplays… I got a photo with a guy dressed as Nick Fury, and one with Deadpool. Got my photo with a Tardis. The other half got a photo with a guy dressed as The Night King and one with Chewbacca. He got a photo with the Optimus prime truck and the Tardis. We ate hot dogs for lunch which were overpriced and under-delicious. The mark up on water felt a bit like extortion. But that is London for you.

We brought a couple of books, and the author signed them, exciting stuff. So I have yet to read them but I have a feeling that I am going to really enjoy them from the brief blurby bit. We ended up walking away from the stand with Moroda and Palom by L. L. McNeil. It seems almost impossible for me to say no to buying a new book, so of course I had to. But it is in my to read pile but it has jumped the queue… its now right up at the top.

So whose autographs did we go for? I got Daniel Gillies autograph towards the last 15 minutes of the day (he is a lovely chap). The other half got autographs from Isaac Hempstead Wright who was really nice and friendly. The other half also got Vladimir Furdik’s autograph too, so as you can see a massive Game of Thrones fan too. If we had had the money I think we would have got quite a few more autographs for sure.

We got our photo taken with Matt Smith which was an awesome end to the day, even if he was an hour behind schedule bless him. I got a photo with Aiden Turner too! Which was great.

Safe to say we were on a geeky high for about a week. We want to go again, so hopefully one day we will get that chance, and I totally think next time dressing up will be in order! I am thinking Skye from Agents of shield. But that won’t be for a long old while yet unless a miracle happens.