I will be honest. I wanted to come into this update with all things shining. Hell I wanted to be able to say this was another really great month for me. If I did that, I would be lying. This month has been hard.
You see, recently there have been issues in my personal life. My relationship with my mother has deteriorated after finding out the truths she had been hiding. In fact, she has made up some rather outrageous lies over the last few years and even months and now the truth is out. Trying to get my head around it hasn’t been the easiest, so for my own mental health I am back in counselling to try to get my head around the latest developments. Counselling helps, but it doesn’t necessarily fix sleepless nights followed by binge sleeping as I call it. There is no real balance. And, being honest, I come to terms with things a lot more in my sleep and with my current all or nothing sleep pattern it’s not happening as quickly as I would like. However, it does leave me certain that when I am ready to write properly again I will probably have some brilliant new material.
I have a feeling if I wrote down all the ins and outs and lies that I’ve been told over the years for you all to consume and read you wouldn’t believe it possible or true. But my mother is a special breed of liar. Something my Dad, myself, and a few choice others will agree with. When she gets caught lying she wont tell the truth or even accept that she did wrong or the consequences; she keeps lying. Not only does she keep lying but you get blamed for it, hell you get made to feel guilty and responsible for her lying. Or at least, she makes you feel that way.
This is the first time I posted so openly about my relationship and my mother on here, quite frankly I find it terrifying. Not that no one would believe me, but that I am not the only one. That there are others who have this kind of emotional abuse that they have grown up with. That there are others who have worked out what it is, that they know what it is like to finally learn what a healthy life is to only have this person keep trying to drag them back to this abusive pattern. Don’t get me wrong, I do love my mother, but I can’t forgive her or have her try to exert any influence on my life. Right now, I need to focus on me and my mental health.
So as you can tell, with even less sleep and time to think about writing, pen hasn’t touched paper, this is the first time my fingers have even kissed the keys since my last update.
So I am sure it is time for some good news.
After my last update, I had my six month anniversary with my partner. It was so romantic, and I feel like sharing some good news. So here is the story of our anniversary dinner.
As I am sure you are aware the last week of February and first in March was snow-filled in London. So on the day of the six month safe to say there were a few concerns if the restaurant would even be open. So we called to check and they were thankfully. So that day I got ready mostly at home, hair and make up were ready before I left to meet him after work. The snow was falling and it was beautiful but a cold walk to meet him so I went and got us both hot chocolates and headed in. We got the bus home after a bit of a walk and wait in the cold. I think it was the right choice to have left my dress in a bag to put on when I got to his. So we get in he goes up and gets ready. I change into my dress and boots, put the sparkly things I brought in my hair and got ready. We got a cab to the restaurant which we could have walked to in maybe 20 minutes in good weather. So we got seated in the front bay window near the heater. We had a beautiful view of the snow falling and the trees, it was beautiful. Dinner was amazing, we skipped a starter went to the mains, and then pudding… Turns out he discovered he likes creme brulee after doing a little bit of a pudding halvsies. It was a very atmospheric dinner and we got a cab home. But it really was a beautiful magical evening. It was great to feel so relaxed and happy and very much in love. I think I must be the luckiest girl in the world to have someone so wonderful love me back.
So the binge watching on Netflix? I finished Grimm and the new Jessica Jones, I am caught up on Jane the Virgin and Once Upon a Time and now I am making my way through Call the Midwife.
So the social life is still getting a priority but I am hoping it will inspire some writing. At the moment I am looking forward to Easter. I am planning a little surprise for my partner for a treat.
Nothing changes here in terms of throwing plugs in for my amazon books on my author page… I haven’t lost my hope just yet.
May luck and adventure be on your side!