.: Entry Ninety-Four :.
My name is Elliot Parker and I am doing my best. I am trying so hard to be an understanding person, to have grown and moved forward, but sometimes my little halo slips a little…
You know that song Kill Em with Kindness? Well I think I snapped. Not in a bad way strictly, more in the sense of if I don’t say something I will kill Clover kind of way. We’re kind of in a bit of a fight. She is up at her nans at the moment, that doesn’t mean we nerves and buttons don’t get pushed. Basically for days all I have heard about is some woman (the mother of one of her friends) posting a status on social media. She didn’t use Clover’s name… but what she said… well its caused a bit of a stir. Basically she posted a status along the lines of a type of girl… I mean there’s nothing stopping me writing it here is there?
“Certain girls are amusing me, you know what I mean the kind of girls who: has to be everyone’s friend on here, will like every status, will comment b.s. like “I’m here for you hun” etc, a really loyal friend who… searches on your friends lists and adds all your boy mates, starts sending messages to your fella and claim it was them, the second you split from your fella she’s straight round to him, oh and the first boy that reacts to her she begins a full out relationship (in her head) if they speak more than once she will be in love, she stalks them, when they realise they back off and she is heartbroken and everyone has to hear over and over and over how she has been used… if you hand it to them on a plate they will probably take it…. the girl that the only quality a guy needs for you to fancy them is a pulse”
What a harsh thing to say, but, the thing about stalking a guy or hearing over and over about her obsession with them, it’s not 100% untrue. That was about four or five days ago… give or take, and that was the only thing she was willing to talk about. No matter how many times you tried to bring up a positive conversation or topic, it was her new obsession. I said to her “I think, if they haven’t got the balls to say it to your face rather than play a victim all over social media than that is a prime example.” When I wrote that I was honestly thinking “you’ve done this to me before and now someone is doing it to you. Will you even see the connection?” Apparently not. Because when someone does those statuses it is anything but a reflection of you, it is their own guilt and insecurity reflected back to them… it is not you, it is their vibration.
She had the balls to say “it’s like they are trying to provoke a response so they can be the victims and I am the attacker, this is basically bullying.” I just wanted to stick a mirror in front of her. Sure I write here in my diary but that is exactly what this is, a diary. So, anyway, I responded to that comment as calmly and controlled as I could. “To be honest, whenever it has happened to me I take a break from the relationship with whomever is involved and I refocus my life onto what I want. It is easier and feels better to focus on happiness without a reminder of negativity. It gives concentration and drive to make dreams and decisions about what you want to come into your life in an easy way.” Which is something I do try to do. To be completely honest, that is what I have started doing again. I took out the notebook, wrote down a short list of things that interests me, and said to myself, “ok, this stuff makes you happy, relaxed or smile… let’s do more of that whenever we can. Let’s focus on being happy and let’s look at dreams we want to come true and start taking small bites out the big task to making them come true, one little success at a time!”
The next day same topic of the broken record she wouldn’t change. I tried to be sympathetic… she has it in her head it is because her cousin is trying to date her friend’s ex they are aiming so much of that status at her, she wanted to tell the cousin to either hurry up and lock him down or leave him alone because it is causing her trouble. I said it was a big ask because it was. She seriously asked her cousin to either hurry up and get with someone even if you’re not sure and need to take your time or end the relationship prematurely without finding out if it had a future, that is kind of a cruel thing to ask.
A little while later Clover implied she was looking at how to overdose on her medication, what an overreaction, how insensitive can you get? Your sort of brother in law died at his own hand earlier in the year and you think that form of trying for attention is appropriate? It was cold. I had enough, I was getting to that point in a conversation when you want to rip someone’s head off because they can’t see exactly what they are doing because they are trying to get attention constantly about the same thing. She has too much time on her hands. I am not just saying that just because I am feeling a time shortageness.
A few hours later she pipes up again and pretends to ask how things are before she uses it as a platform to say she is “thinking”. Three guesses to what she was thinking about…