.: Entry Twenty-Six :.

My name is Elliot Parker.

It still starts the same. I come to my special room in this dream world place, the floor changes and rumbles under my feet, it comes away and reveals the bookshelves and cabinets. The walls change colour and look older. The shelves and cabinets are all covered in books. My notebook is still there. There’s been no new messages from the mysterious Adrian Kraig. I’m Curious about him. I want to know more. Twirling a pen in my fingers I think about it a little too much, writing another note, just a small one. “So, is it even possible that I could meet you?” I put the notebook back where it goes.

Now? Well, now I get to choose the next part of the dream. My fingers run the spines of books nearby until I find the one. I stumbled on it the first time, now it’s become a more deliberate choice. It’s become a firm favourite to enter this world. I like the exciting awareness it creates, it just feels more real, more real than I could have anticipated.

It’s the story of the stowaway girl. I feel that familiar pull, and I am there.

The rain is pouring hard and fast as we try to find some kind of cover, somewhere dry. The Captain is moving quicker as we head further into the trees. The trees are thicker and older, the air is thick and balmy with the rain but it won’t stay this way, we hope.

The crew are grumpy, the rain is pouring and the Captain is asking more from them. In search of shelter and camp. Between the forest and the trees there is a lack of direction. Taking a chance, I break from the Captain’s side. I climb up the tall tree up ahead. Its slippery and wet and rough under my fingers. The rain pounding over my skin, the drips hit a little sharper the further up I climb. Reaching half way to the top I can see further than I had hoped. This was high enough and hard enough for now. There ahead of them and a little to the left there seemed to be an overhang of a cave. More than just the one, the coming land ahead was riddled with hills, crevices, caves and cliff faces.

Climbing down the tree was easier in theory. Now my body ached from clinging to the slippery tree in the rain.

I can see the crew below, waiting. The bark feels wetter, I feel wetter and colder and my muscles are starting to cramp. It only makes me cling to the tree harder. I am sure the Captain will be annoyed I ran off. But I have good news. That should be a consolation. There’s maybe 10 feet between myself and the ground.

The crack of lightening turning the canopy a glowing green for a moment before the rain starts lashing down heavier. It caught me a little by surprise, my foot missed the branch I was aiming for, the change in weight, the slip up puts strain on my arms as I cling as best I can, my hands slipping. The Captain is calling up to me but I can’t hear him. I take a moment and deep breath to calm myself. I push my feet against the trunk of the tree as best I can and let my hands release the tree and push off from the tree in one motion. I feel myself turn in the air. Hands spin themselves in a net below me.

It’s the Captain who pulls me upright. “You’re shaking like a puppy. You had better have some good news for us.”

“There’s caves over there” I point shivering.

“Let’s go, weapons ready, they might be occupied. Move” the Captain urged.

All of our clothes are wet, mine seem to be drenched, clinging to my skin. My muscles are shaking from bearing my weight. The rain is pouring harder and I can’t help but feel the pinch of the Captain’s fingers wrapped tightly around my upper arm. His grip is like steel. “What the hell did you think you were doing; you could have been killed?”

“I did it before at your command, or have you forgotten?”

“Don’t you dare, that was different.”

“How?”

“You were nothing but the stowaway.”

“I still am.”

“No, you are the princess”

“That doesn’t change anything”

“It does, your too valuable to get killed climbing a tree.”

“That is exactly it isn’t it. I am valuable. Nothing but a fee or prize.”

“If that was the case you would be in chains.”

“Perhaps I already am.” I glare at his hand holding tight on my arm. I can imagine the bruise that will come from him releasing his grip.

“Do you really want to test me right now?” His voice echoes a little in the mouth of the cave, the crew are now paying attention to us. The Captain orders the fire to be lit further inside. The men have explored it, it’s a shallow cave but just enough room for a small fire. Their search for fire wood took a while. Slowly the men began returning and a small fire was lit.

The Captain glared at me. The small bale of blankets that had been protected from the rain, the blankets were unwrapped. The Captain stood with his and a spare on his arm. He pulled his shirt up over his head, I redirected my eyes and looked away. He pulled a blanket over his shoulders. A man in the crew laughed, “Cap, you made the stowaway blush”

I glare. Still shivering. “That’s ok, she’s about to make you blush.” The Captain pulls me over towards him. “Take your clothes off” I stare and shake my head no. “Take your clothes off you will catch a death.” My eyes dart in the direction of the crew, I shake my head again.

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.: Entry Twenty-Five :.

My name is Elliot Parker. And I am back.

I am still known as “the stowaway girl”.

I remember the last time I was in this world, the brush of the Captains lips. I shake the memory away from my mind. We are climbing further up into the forest. The Captain turns back every so often to see that I am still there, still walking behind. The crew follow behind. The jeers have quietened down since the Captain branded me his “property” in their eyes.

“So what’s the plan?” The words escape me and I can’t catch them and pull them back. The Captain’s head turned, the crew fell silent, expectation seeping through every sweating pore of skin.

The Captain smiled, but it was hidden from the crew. He was good at masking. Something he had promised to teach me. A mask that reveals the truth of an expression to one person not a crowd. It was a great skill, one that comes with practice. It takes control, however once you learn to see beyond the mask, that’s when things get very interesting. No one can fool you with the sight. I’ve always had a base of sight, but the Captain always seems to want to test it and make it grow. The mask the Captain wore was disdain in this very moment.

He turned and carried on walking. But I had unleashed a ticking time bomb, something simple, an idea, a question. One that he would need to answer.

I could hear the whispering behind me, in the humidity the sweat just clung to our skin like the words going through the men.

“You still want to know the plan, girl?” The Captain called behind him, throwing his question at me. I stopped in my tracks the man behind banging into me causing me to stumble and move a little faster. I trot up towards the Captain. “Yes Captain.”

“Why don’t you tell me what you think the plan is? You’ve been watching me, weighing my movements. What is my plan?”

“High ground, following the stream.”

“Good, continue.”

“Find out what is around us, where we are and if there are ships.”

“And.”

“A good secure spot for a camp for the night. A guardable area.”

“Why?” He turns to me now, his eyes locked into mine, drawing himself closer, I can feel his hand at my elbow, beginning to rise up my arm.

“It was too dangerous to stay on the beach, in… in case of fleet surviving the fire or the attention it would draw.” My breath catches as his hand rests at the side of my neck, his thumb stroking under my chin.

“Good” he whispers; I can feel his breath on my skin. He feels me swallow by the twitches in my neck, his eyes are still locked onto mine his smile flickers, brighter for a second. “You’re learning.” He is right, his mask has shown intimidation towards the crew but that is not the face I saw when I looked less with my eyes more with something more instinctual. I have tried to hold my own mask, a timid, scared mask. But that really isn’t what the Captain can see. “You’re a quick study.” His other hand is now resting just behind my elbow, the hand on my neck slides round the back of my neck under my hair. To the crew they would have seen me flinch, to him I am resisting what he knows I want, what it is I am seeping into the air through my charm. He can feel my own resistance in wanting his lips on mine. On accepting what I want instinctively in this moment.

I lower my gaze for a moment, just to his lips, his face is so close to mine we are sharing breath, again. This time the crew hears a command, I hear a request when the Captain speaks again. “You want to kiss me? So do it.” I stutter, “I… I…”

“Need to stop resisting.” His expression softened. But the hand behind my neck drew me a fraction closer, just a small amount. I can feel the temptation; the charm he is exuding. It’s intoxicating, he is testing me, not backing down but not making that last move. “Do it” he whispers, his breath and mine spinning between us. Part of me wants to defy him, to pull away and break the charm; not to play this game of power in front of his men. It is not the game the same game that we are interpreting, this is a game of my own inhibitions and the Captain is testing them.

I let go of my resistance, the practicality of it, the practically of being in control of myself for a few moments. I lean that small distance and let our lips meet.

My breath catches in my throat, the tension in my body lessons as he kisses back. His hand abandons being behind my elbow and pins me in the small of my back drawing my body to his. Where our arms cross and touch, where our bodies meet in that contact between us, the heat is less of a humidity issue and more of a sparking issue.

His lips leave mine, the air slows between us for that second before I pull his lips back to mine, this time my hand is wrapped around the back of his neck while I’ve pulled him closer to me. Snaking my fingers into his hair and holding him closer. This time when he kisses me the air seems hotter and balmier, the air is fire inside my lungs. This time I pull away, a fraction, just a little. He is hungry for more and his lips meet mine, chasing me as I lean back a tiny bit, trying to add a little distance between our bodies.

He pauses and reads me, this is enough, right now this is my limit.

He is warm with his smile now. Still hungry, but now with a hint of affection.

Then I feel that familiar lurch and I am pulled back from this world.

The pre-order link is available now… Due to release 14th January!

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.: Entry Twenty-Four :.

My name is Elliot Parker.

Clover has stabbed me in the back again.

Well I know I mentioned that I decided after I found out she had chosen to see how it plays out with the poster child rather than fix the friendship that I was done. I still am. I unfriended her. When she found out she started posting on social media saying I used her for rides in her car. Like seriously, that is pathetic, considering if she did ever go out of her way for me I brought her something where we were or I brought her dinner or lunch or food in general. But you know, I am the bad guy right?

Well that’s not the only place she started to post about me, she posted again on another platform. Apparently she is not a nasty girl, but I am not a true friend, because I walked away from the situation. There is only so long that you can stick around while your friend refuses to listen to reason she knows is right. To advice. To logic and experience. She chose to keep choosing to stay in that toxic situation. She chose to keep being a victim of the damage to her self-esteem. I tried to shock her to reason. Didn’t work obviously. And yet who is the one who gets attacked while she still plays the victim? Who is the one who gets blamed for her mistakes time and time again. Because sure it’s my fault that years ago she couldn’t make up her mind what brother she wanted and when it all blew up who got blamed for it? Me. She did the same thing then on social media.

Well once is a mistake, twice well…

This time it’s not only the public route she has taken, which so far I have avoided. She sent a message to my ex. MY EX of all people. At the moment I am at the point where revenge just seems a bit insufficient. Too public and too messy.

She has been the one to shoot herself in the foot. She has chosen to stab me in the back, again. Blame me for her choices.

Here is something interesting that I realised though. In her messaging my ex I feel like I want to keep away from him rather than keep the friendship. Like she poisons everything she touches.

I don’t think it’s that though. Its more that she is being snide for attention, playing the victim.

I don’t think that friendship could ever or will ever recover.

That is sad. Like really sad.

My name is Elliot Parker. I want a happy life. I am not running after or chasing what I want. What I want is coming to me, there is nothing I have to do to make it happen.

I want to start a new thing in my life. I want to start pursuing happiness in a different way, yes it will come to me, but no I will not chase it. I need a new schedule to my day, a new pattern.

There are times when life can feel overwhelming or it can feel like the most amazing moment to be absorbed in.

See when I started writing this I felt so angry, then I felt sorry, then I felt understanding. She has lost her friend through a bad choice and she has to lash out to get a new source of attention.

When I started writing this, I felt too angry to understand it. Then I reached for the better feeling thought, revenge, though I didn’t act on it. Revenge is the better feeling thought, anger feels powerless but revenge feels powerful. What feels better than revenge? Accepting that this has happened. What feels better than that? Knowing that there is nothing I have to do to fix it, it is not my vibrational mess to fix. I cannot fix someone else or their vibration. The only vibration I can control is mine. It feels good to know that my vibration is under my control. I do not have to alter my vibration to make someone else better by lowering my energy. It feels good to know that my vibration is my own and connected with the larger part of me. It feels good to know that my vibration can raise through the relief of finding the better feeling thoughts and feeling my way better.

Things will work out for me the more I release the resistance I am holding.

I am responding to the world around me by instinct. That feels good, my intuition tells me I am always on my path, I can never be off my path. My intuition is a message, a vibrational interpretation that tells me that I am allowing what I want.

I am feeling better now. Better than I did a few hours ago. I am accepting the relief that comes from walking away from how things were. Accepting how they are. Accepting that I am coming into a new vibrational alignment with a new part of my life. I am coming into a new vibrational alignment; I am on the leading edge of something amazing. I no longer want to keep my hand on the stove of pain. I am ready to allow the knowledge of being a deliberate creator.

I am ready to have another dream; I am ready to go back to the room with the books. I am excited to return to the room, it no longer feels tainted and violated by its being used by another deliberate creator. I will meet whoever this other deliberate creator is soon. I am excited to meet that person and see who else has joined me on the leading edge.

My name is Elliot Parker. I want to give up the phrase “I hope” as in “I hope tomorrow is going to be a better day.” I want to replace that phrase with “I know” as in “I know tomorrow is a better day.”

The pre-order link is available now… Due to release 14th January!

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MG21QLX