A Trip Down Memory Lane… Coryburn Girls Skimming the Surface

Coryburn Girls: Skimming The Surface

The Coryburn Sisters are beginning to embark their way into adulthood, somewhere that has never interested them. Not your average girls the sisters tear a wayward path for their future, using the help of their best friend along the way, right and wrong is never black and white but when the lessons are being ignored where will their path of destruction lead?

https://www.amazon.com/Coryburn-Girls-Skimming-R-Appleby-ebook/dp/B00SFQUYXY?ie=UTF8&ref_=asap_bc#nav-subnav

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Coryburn-Girls-Skimming-R-Appleby-ebook/dp/B00SFQUYXY/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

Or if you want a cheeky deal on the collection of the Coryburn girls why not buy the collective ebook or paper back! Here’s that little link you need, ebook available 8th July! https://www.amazon.co.uk/Coryburn-Girls-Collection-R-Appleby-ebook/dp/B06Y5Y5KXF/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

The first few chapters as a taster just for you😉

Chapter One

It all began that night within the darkest shadows, in some of the darkest most secret corners of the street; that concealed the three dark figures skulking quietly along their narrow pathway avoiding the dim light that illuminated the old cobbled road about them. Between each of their own racing heartbeats they managed to snatch glimpses of the quietness echoing before them; the soft breathing of slumbering folk, tucked away in warm beds. A place they themselves should have been on this particular night. Out of sight; out of mind; and out of trouble.

It was the tallest of the three figures, who rather awkwardly abandoned its company; leaving the safety of the darkness, crossing over into the dim light of the road to lean on an empty carved doorway. Poised reluctantly to wait for what would come to feel like an eternity in frozen insecurity. Had he not been pulled into the midst of the plans tonight he himself would have been curled amongst the warm nest of blankets. That would surely have been much safer and far warmer and wiser than his current perch skulking in the doorway very alone and very anxious.

The abandoned company began to move again as they carefully slipped into a further void of darkness, the dank darkness of the nearest alley. Arms outstretched in that bitter darkness searching for the cold metal of a door knob. Finally, catching the cold metal in outstretched fingers the door was opened with the strangest care. A small flood of light met the figures. Two haunting young women masquerading in navy guards uniforms. One took the hand of the other and pulled them both inside closing the door behind their swift footsteps. Plunging the alley back into the solitude of darkness the last light their lonely ally would see that evening.

The leading womanly figure rapidly walked, calculating the paths before them through a hallway and beginning an ascent up a narrow dimly lit stairwell. In a rush and flurry their footsteps barely made a sound on the dusty wooden path.

Not once missing a door or taking a wrong turn the women navigated with acute direction, like those that have walked the ways a hundred times or more. They found themselves in the entrance way to a beautiful room. Striding past the shimmering glass cabinets and marble stands. They bypassed exhibit after exhibit carefully constructed. Not letting their eyes wander or flitter distracted over their surroundings. Like hawks focused on prey, they had not ventured through the darkness to peruse the surroundings, they had their minds set on something else. Something that to them was far more delicious, an adventure.

What they had hunted was a little to the left, in an exquisite red velvet lined case, sat so comfortably they had found what they sought, A flicker of candle light bounced around the surface of this particular cold, hard, unyielding stone. The candle light had set soft prismatic shimmering reflections, like the tides of the sea of still waters, bouncing from the soulless diamond. Crystal clear and gloriously cut, there was a pause of pure admiration. It was then that with extreme care they pulled the diamond gently from its casing and slipped it in a silken pouch that was hanging gently around the neck of one of the women.

In the distance of another room in the adjoining chamber, muffled voices carried; echoing in the darkness with every footstep. Without missing a beat, both of the women lowered their gaze and moved swiftly back towards the stairway as quietly as they could manage.

Below the girls, voices began rising up the stairway headed in their very direction. Without hesitation they took the only possible direction left to choose, that wouldn’t lead them into the hands of the guards, up.

As gently as they could manage, on their race to freedom, they manoeuvred a swift flurry of rushed footsteps they reached the exit to the roof. The search for the key to the lock had begun, finding that the key they were looking for had fallen into the dim patch of cold dust a corner. A frenzy of voices below them alerted the women to the urgency of their current predicament. Fumbling with the dust they made attempts to secure the key into the lock; they pushed the heavy door in the hope to open it enough to squeeze through. Neither had spoken in the evening but stifled groans fell from their throats in their efforts to push and shove the door just a little more, with its heavy rusted hinges their only chance to win their freedom leaving them little choice to break their silence.

They made a final attempt; with little time between themselves and the approaching guard, they combined the remainder of their strength.

Chapter Two

The door finally gave way, falling under their sweating bodies and snapping at the hinges. It sent both of the women stumbling onto the roof falling forwards in their combined efforts. Their location had now become alarmingly obvious and confirmed their presence to the guard in their pursuit. The women ran to the edge of the roof top searching for some means to be able to descend from their desperate situation; a stairway, a nearby balcony, anything.

Their nearest chance of escape was also their slimmest chance to escape, a nearby roof top. With little choice they made their way to the gaping open door way that was beginning to fill with the lamp light of the owners of the voices that they had heard. Exhausted, panting men making their ascent became the warning that the girls needed of their impending dangers letting them know, just how far away they were from being apprehended.

Veering around back to the view of the edge of the roof; they had one chance to make that final leap for freedom. With an alarm beginning to ring and sirens exhausting themselves from within the bowels of the building they began their run. At speed towards the edge of the roof, taking that leap, they seemed to float more gracefully than they had imagined towards that roof top. They stumbled forwards a little more than they had expected landing on their fronts.

Elated with their luck and survival they resumed their running, laughing as they jumped between the rooftops and sliding their down lower and lower towards street level as quickly they could manage. Ensuring a safe enough distance between them and the sirening museum they had left behind. They had made their escape.

It seemed that with good fortune; by the size of their evening so far they had found themselves with a great deal more luck then they had thought that they would need. But that was the charm of not following the rules. They stumbled upon an unattended carriage without hesitation or encouragement they pulled themselves onboard and started back towards the museum, at speed. The cobbles jolting at the wheels bouncing them over and over as they navigated their path.

They skidded to a stop in the path of the anxious figure that had abandoned them to the doorway earlier that evening. Having watched the sirens and the alarms of the museum being raised to the world splitting and screeching through the night. One of the women reached her arm down to the man and pulled him aboard. Her voice was somehow both soft and stern in its command “Tarron, get in!” He disappeared from the street into the darkness of the carriage.

As quickly as they had arrived, they had sped off into the darkness once more until they believed that they had finally cleared enough distance between themselves and the museum. Eventually slowing before finding a safe, out of the way place to fall apart laughing hysterically at their escapades of their evening.

Stepping out into the moonlight the young women’s eyes seemed to sparkle as vividly as the diamond they had just stolen, that now swung gleefully in the pouch hanging from the neck of the girl who by some miracle owned the gloriously hypnotizing, vivid green eyes. Her beaming smile completing her natural beauty as she released her hair from the guards hat letting it fall loose, with a glossy light chocolate brown sheen in lose curls draped over her shoulders. She hugged her partners in crime.

Jumping back in excitement she pulled off her partners guard’s hat letting a curtain of fiery, red, cinnamon-ginger hair cascading around her flushed cheeks. Her bright honeyed, amber-brown eyes meeting the captive from the darkness of the carriage. Tarron, a tall, mousey brown haired blue eyed man who raised the first question that he had obviously been bursting at the seams to ask. “Did you get it?” The women burst out laughing as they dangled the pouch teasingly before his face. Knowing that he would try to catch it to see the girl with the green eyes pulled it out of reach.

The women, sisters, twin sisters; bright and beautiful had roped Tarron into tonight’s activity; not that it had really taken much effort, not that he ever really had much choice. Tarron had long since become like the twins personal pet in some respects. Kayetelynn the green eyed beauty and her fiery haired sister, Annabellarose (commonly called Annabella by those she cared for) had known Tarron for what had begun to feel like an eternity, but childhood always seemed like it would last forever, now they were getting wiser about the flighty nature of time it seemed almost right to describe it as an eternity. It would be true to say that they had almost grown up together if it wasn’t for the fact that the girls though thoroughly immature in their pursuit of adventure were on the day to day norm, perceived as wiser than their years, and much beyond their time.

It had made perfect sense to the girls to have their most loyal, doting friend, Tarron act as their lookout boy for the evening.

Finally agreeing on a safe place to hide the carriage and the horses for the meantime they resumed their desire to slide back into the darkness of the night.

A trip down memory lane… Breathing Smog

Well this is where it all began, Breathing Smog. This is the story of two girls, the differences of how they grow up and the different lives they lead and how their worlds collide.

So let’s give you the link now….

https://www.amazon.com/Breathing-Smog-R-Appleby-ebook/dp/B00M0MOJWG?ie=UTF8&ref_=asap_bc#nav-subnav

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Breathing-Smog-R-Appleby-ebook/dp/B00M0MOJWG/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

 

And here is a little sample of the first couple of chapters…

Chapter One

It all began really, when two girls were born on the same day, at the same time, in the same hospital. But they could not have been more different; and would have severely different kinds of an up bringing. Perhaps an introduction is necessary. I am the voice for both of these girls, a narrator, if I must be named at all. Both girls where born of remarkable families.

Amber Andrews born at quarter to one in the morning on a dark chilly day mid April, looked much like her mother  but had neither her mothers eyes or her fathers. She went home from the hospital to live with her mother and her great grandparents, a wonderful and inspiring selection. A family of future, a family of promise and of love.

A stark contrast to the home Nina Black was to arrive. A mother that would work to strive for her daughter’s upbringing, in the way she saw fit, despite a lazy lousy father’s feeble efforts. Perhaps a harsh description but it is none the less a simplistic honest description. Now allow me to be clear I’m not saying this house wasn’t filled with love, because it was, an immense amount of love, provided by her mother enough love for both of her parents. But enough resentment for the life she could have led.

Nina and Amber grew fast, blindingly so, both girls where walking weeks before their first birthday, both girls happy and content in what little a one year old knows. Nina’s first birthday was a true celebration perhaps her final celebration in a family soon to be torn apart at the seams. For you see, Nina’s mother and father had not long been married, for complete honesty I must explain. Nina’s mother, Victoria, had married Edward because she was pregnant and it was the right thing to do at the time, she didn’t want the child growing up with the social stigma of being an illegitimate child; or perhaps it was her vanity and name that would be under the microscope for raising a child on her own.

But Victoria knew Edward wasn’t right for her, she knew deep down that marrying Edward was wrong, he was wrong, and he was a danger. But she knew all this and yet proceeded to marry the father of her child, in October before the birth of her daughter and before her own twenty-first birthday had passed.

What little that I can assume of this marriage is that it was an unpleasant and unfortunate incident which gave way to a tide of many mistakes. Perhaps I should also confirm now for you that this is being written some twenty odd years later and much has changed; socially, politically and of course economically.

But at the time Victoria was of worthy and higher class then Edward. She had her own plans; had she not gotten pregnant and married him would be to become a nurse and rise through the ranks to matron or was it sister? She could never settle because it was never enough. She always wanted to marry a doctor or a lawyer or a barrister.

However she married Edward, perhaps at first it was love. He was a foolish hap-hazard boy that would go through life flitting through a few jobs exactly that, in his traditional hap-hazard foolish ways, but more importantly he was immature. The man she chose to marry never grew up or established a clear grasp of reality, with the same mentality of a child at times.

By about 2 years of age Nina could see what was going on and would say to people that daddy hits mummy. Victoria now had no choice; her daughter could see the conflict and things had to change. But things where changing rapidly, Edward left to live with his parents and Victoria now had to raise a young child as a single mother with a mortgage and bills a single mother can ill afford.

Edward, well Edward was a petty man, he came back to the house whilst Victoria and Nina where out. He came to the house and took silly things like bread and milk and his clothes. Edward by his actions laid down the pathway he would take in the raising of the child, an absent father. An absent father with too much to say with little thought other then himself.

*

Amber was an angel, her mother though not a natural had her grandparents support, her parents even though they had spent what felt like a lifetime separated, and her brother’s support. In their opinion it was better to be safe raising a child than to be in a bad relationship putting herself and her daughter in danger.

The family in all their discussions had agreed that Amber was to assume her father had died and was with the angels. Amber was never to know her father as bittersweet the lie this was far from the truth. Amber’s mother Cindy was outstanding in her conviction. Cindy was a beautiful and smart woman persevering in her education to develop herself a career. She wanted to show her daughter she could do anything she wanted if she tried hard enough.

Both girls where enrolled in ballet which they both loved and adored. Both girls enjoyed and loved the time they spent in ballet on the Saturday mornings. But for one this love would be taken away. Nina’s father had her stay with him every other weekend and he declared that morning lessons took away from his time with his daughter. But a few hours for a child’s happiness taken away, by a bitter man with only himself in mind; wanting to win a war. What harm would it have been to even watch the lessons? To spend time with his daughter whilst she did something that she loved? As young as she was at what right was that his decision? At what right did he have to stop his child from doing something that she loved, just because it delayed his times? His concern was for getting on the motorway before it got crowded because he had moved to another county so it was enough distance from his ex. As simple as that, he moved county to get away from an ex. A county to get away from his responsibility as a father; a responsibility he was not willing to undertake and keep.

It could be that perhaps I am being too harsh in my description, or perhaps I have little to no sympathy for this guy. Surely inserting my own opinion into what I say is my right? As a narrator I should be allowed. I’m not going to do an entire paragraph ranting on about how I have the right to input my opinion though I’m sure it’s never done and I’m sure it’s a silly idea. Anyway… back to the point?

Amber however continued with ballet and she loved it. Although during little ballet shows and showing the family what she had learned made her beam with pride there was sadness, a longing for the father she never knew, she wanted to make him proud. Anyone could see and understand that the family dynamic wasn’t quite what a normal family should be. She knew that a family was a mum and a dad, somehow having all that love left a void, a void she knew she had but didn’t understand.

It’s stunning the similarity, both brown eyed babies with dark hair, doing ballet, but now you have to trust me; it’s not me being a lazy narrator, it is just the way it was.

Believe me now when I say I could write page upon page about both of those men, their short falls and their flaws. But where is the fun in that? Why not let these men show themselves when the time is right or perhaps there is never a right time for this kind of thing? What I can explain I shall, what I know the honest answers to I shall reveal when the time is right. Until then the order shall remain.

After a short while Nina joined her first school yes admittedly it was the youngest class. Nina had been enrolled in a Catholic school, and it was one hell of a school. Massively overwhelming, and there was a building that was said to be haunted, and lots of ghost stories. It was a beautiful school; it wasn’t too shabby, she even liked it at first. But then things never turn out quite right or at least they don’t if Edward has anything to do with it. He forced Victoria to pull Nina out of school because it was Catholic.  He really is doing himself no favors here.

Well as anyone can imagine and understand being a single mother is hard, and earning a living was hard on Victoria, so she turned to child minding. That way she could spend time with her daughter while trying to earn some money, being self employed. Well unfortunately parents didn’t always pay and things got tricky. The children where right little, for lack of a better word, demons. There’s only so long you can put up with rubbish parents palming their child on to another because they can’t handle them and then refuse to pay. I would use the cliché all good things come to an end but this really wasn’t all that great.

*

Amber was being sent to other styles of dance now a little older, the main trio ballet, tap and jazz. Amber loved the dancing and it was doing wonders for her; it was a perfect form of free expression. Living under a roof of strict upbringing, Amber’s great grand parents, Veronica and Edmond were strict and a lot was expected of her from a young age. And that was perfect, for someone to have family that believed so much in them and it was beautiful, to see that much love in a family. Things weren’t perfect but they where close. Something Nina in years to come would wish that she had.

But sadly Amber’s great grandmother a remarkable woman passed away from cancer, and this would not be the first time Amber’s life would be afflicted with so much tragedy caused by this same illness. With the loss of Veronica, Amber’s appetite changed and so did she, she was involved with the world of dance, the pressure to be perfect, and as we all know the media has its role to play of what is perceived as perfection. Amber’s attention focused on the one thing she could change she wanted to be thin and pretty; just like the girls in magazines and on television. She did the only way that she could understand at that age, she wouldn’t eat as much.

With only the influence of girls her own age in the dancing world, she felt a pressure to be thin, something the women and most of the men in this family were not so genetically flawed and a little too young to understand she took note of what the other girls where saying.

*

Nina had seen ice skating on the TV. She thought it was fantastic she would slide her feet along the floor pretending to be an effortless ice dancer. Her mother did what she could and enrolled her in ice skating courses at the local ice arena. She was a natural; the instructor even said that for the next term she could skip five grades! How fantastic was that? But that happiness and pride was short lived, yet again the ugly monster that is Edward rears his head, and yet again Nina was forced to give up something that she loved. Edward, heaven knows how or why Victoria fell for him, an awful and immature man. I would expect it was a case of bad boy syndrome, he was cool he was funny but he was bad, he was vindictive. Yes vindictive he made its own life difficult, he made sure his job was that insignificant and his living costs just high enough that when the child support agency had done their assessments he had managed to get out of paying anything. He is certainly turning himself into the villain of our story almost effortlessly. Yet anyone could sympathize; perhaps it was hard for him to spend time away from his only child? Maybe he struggled? But unfortunately it is easy for him to lie his way through life, what appears to be the only thing he can successfully do in this girl’s life. The only thing both of her parents really knew how to do.

Both girls clearly smarter then I would have given credit for where taught to read and write well before schooling age, something both mothers could and should be proud of. Amber was home schooled, she got to spend time with family and learn all the time, something that was absolutely perfect for her. Both girls were bright, and so eager to learn. Nina however did not suit being schooled at all. She was an outsider right from the start.

Victoria was told off by Nina’s school for teaching her to read and write because she had taught Nina the wrong way. Nina had nothing to do in her first year because she was already reading and writing properly and the teacher didn’t cater for this so Nina suffered, she had nothing to occupy her and keep her mind going and learning, she was sat at the back of the class doing things she could do in minutes that was expected to take an hour or even a day for the other students.

This bred negative feelings about school. In Nina’s second year things where no better, in fact Nina had never felt so alone, she played on her own at break times. Things did not improve at all during her third year in fact it got worse. She was bullied relentlessly.

One day on her way outside to the playground the bully in her class attacked Nina and pushed her against a wall and slammed her against it, hitting her head into the wall again and again. Nina practically melted against the wall crying as the girl walked away. That wasn’t the only negative thing to come out of that year. Nina stopped eating lunches and most of her other meals.

She wouldn’t eat at all. Her teacher one day lifted up her lunch box at the end of the day to find it was still full, she kept Nina behind and brought Victoria in to the class room after the rest of the class had gone, to talk.

The teacher told Victoria about the lunch box and the pair of them arranged for Nina to eat lunch in the classroom with the teacher under supervision. Probably not the wisest move. Victoria took Nina to the hospital where they forced blood tests from an unwilling girl who swore from then on she would hide her eating, that no one would find out and make her do anything like that again. Victoria without realizing had ended up creating a larger problem then she anticipated in her motion to try to fix it.

Victoria really seemed to try to do all that she could to help her daughter; she would go to the ends of the earth and back again for her. But the one thing Victoria was struggling to do in her eyes was to make up for the fact that Edward was her mistake all along. Nina really was the best thing to come out of that woman’s life but he was the worst, a constant connection to an ex she would do anything to forget. Who would blame her? I am sure most women and men alike have had an abusive ex at some point, whether emotional or physical, all they want at the end of it is to forget and move on, but with a child involved its almost impossible.

Chapter Two

Unfortunately both girls weren’t very healthy by this point; aged eight going on nine these girls had some issues. One issue being they were plagued by tonsillitis, frequently, so frequently certain forms of antibiotics became useless on the girls. That being the case they ended up having their tonsils out in the same hospital they where born in. The hospital, at the time was preparing to bring out a new leaflet of the friends of the hospital. Unfortunately for Nina the photographer was in on the day of her operation and they took a picture of her on her way into surgery. When the leaflet came out she was on the cover!

Something such a shy, self conscious girl severely lacking in confidence found strange and uncomfortable, but in years to come she would actually find a silly little pride in that leaflet. But until then Nina would struggle with her emotions and her eating. It came to the fourth year of school; things couldn’t be more stressful for such a young child.

It was this year the bully was someone that everyone liked, a blonde haired blue eyed child with a disgusting personality, funny though that such a person was a popular child. This girl made life awful for Nina, the girl and her two friends where cruel, and even when the ring leader was to leave mid year the girls two friends continued.

Heaven knows if a child can really understand and realize the impact they can have on another’s life, but it was not a good road to begin with. Even with Victoria stepping in and speaking to the teacher nothing was done, a ridiculous neglect on the schools part, and that teacher.

On one of Nina’s weekends with her father he pulled a dirty stunt, he sat Nina down and started talking to her. He pulled out a pile of letters and showed them to Nina saying that Victoria couldn’t afford to pay her bills, and that Nina should come and live with him. A dirty underhand trick, to try and take a shallow child from its mother. The only problem was that Nina wasn’t shallow and she loved her mother to the ends of the earth.

It made Nina determined to stay with her mother; she refused to be taken in by money. Mid-way through the year Victoria having taken out loans and credit cards to try to save the family home to make mortgage payments on her own lost the battle.

Without any help from Edward even though his name was on the mortgage the house was repossessed, and Victoria and Nina had to move. The council had agreed after looking into everything, hell they would have looked into who the cats mother was if they could, had agreed that they would put the pair in a council flat, unfortunately said council flat was in a bad neck of the woods, hell even police officers have called it a “Hill Billy inbred” council estate. Victoria and Nina definitely stuck out like a sore thumb.

The flat was small and pokey, on the third floor in a building filled with a drug den and some what it’s almost impossible to describe as anything other then cheap trash. Yes I the narrator would consider these people this way, not by any stereotypical assumption but because these people where exactly that by behavior, appearance and intelligence.

The kids in the area picked up on how different Nina was to them, she was bright, and she had a future, something that it’s doubtful they had. Nina wasn’t allowed to play with the children either, she was kept separate. Because even with little contact between Nina and the local kids they managed to find a way to make Nina understand the children as dangerous and bullies.

So bullied at school and in her local area Nina had it coming in from all sides. I would expect if Nina had kept a diary it would be a depressing read. She had a deep sadness in her heart and no outlet; she had hidden it every day since she dared to remember.  Something had truly changed with in her soul the night her father played his petty attempts at taking the child from her mother, in the soul aim to spite Victoria.

If he had truly cared for the child he would not have used such a cheap, tacky trick but he would have made an effort every time she visited, instead his soul aim to hurt Victoria was failing, and failing fast.

Edward had found a new woman a few months before, a funny story I suppose in hindsight, and a little out of our timeline but it seems necessary to speak of it. This was months before his dirty trick. His new girlfriend, Mercy, had practically moved in with him from the first date. It came to Nina’s first weekend with her father since this new woman. By the evening all was not right. Nina was in bed early. Edward called Victoria to tell her that Nina’s weekend had to be cut short because Mercy couldn’t cope with Nina being around; basically taking her time away from Edward.

I want you to keep in mind that Mercy had spent time as a nanny; she was proving herself to be a real piece of work that deserved Edward. Victoria didn’t take too kindly to this and demanded Nina be brought home right away so in the middle of the night her belongs were packed up and Edward brought her home. I’m no nutritional expert but Nina was given a donut as her lunch, now you see even if a child has an eating problem not that Edward knew or probably even cared, a donut is not a lunch for a growing child. Especially one that actually liked vegetables (see I did say Nina was a strange child didn’t I?). Well now my rant about diet being over and possibly with more stories of this woman to come; I shall leave the stories and distastes over her alone for a short while.

But after these events Nina was wising up to her father, who and what he was. She didn’t want to be his burden every other weekend and she didn’t want to be around a toxic and evil environment. So she refused to go on the weekends to her fathers.

It took a little time before it became apparent to Victoria that this wasn’t a phase and it wasn’t going to change in the near future. So Victoria found she had to explain this to Edward who demanded he spoke with his daughter.

The conversation was cold on her part, perhaps some dialogue would explain. “Hello Nina, your mummy says that you don’t want to see me. Is this true Nina?” Sounding intimidating and threatening in her young ears. But it was surprising how strong and firm her 9 year old voice was saying “yes it’s true”.

The child had the courage to undo her mothers actions of marrying him to give Nina what she thought would be a stable life all those years ago. Nina had so much courage and strength to hold her ground when inside she was crumbling.

There was so much darkness in this girl, it wasn’t fear, it was her honesty to the reality she had around her, she could see the demons, but on her own, singing to herself she felt at ease. Like all she had to do was sing, and the hurt would melt away for the time being.

*

However over protective Victoria was of Nina it was nothing compared to how over protected Amber was, by her mother Cindy her grandparents and great grandfather. Amber rarely made friends her own age, she always found it easier to talk to adults, and they made more sense. By spending so much time with her family, she became a little socially restricted; she lacked confidence and came across as shy.

One night her mother took her to the theatre, to see her first musical, and she loved it. Almost at once Amber knew that that is what she wanted to do, she wanted to be on a west end stage, and nothing and no one was going to stop her.

*

Meanwhile things where getting worse for Nina at school the old ring leader of the group of girls that had spent so much time bullying her was returning and she knew what this meant for her. In her final year of primary school things were hard. There was this awful supply teacher; one day, during silent reading time Nina had sat sideways on a chair facing the window reading a book. There was another girl on the table that read a magazine.

The teacher began to loose his temper, yelling at a quiet class to be quiet, to turn around and face their desks. Far too engrossed in her book Nina seemed not to notice until the teacher was standing behind her forced her round to face the table lifted her chair and practically threw her chair with her on it into the table so it wasn’t sticking out. He then took the magazine from the girl who was reading it and yelled that it wasn’t a book, and it was unacceptable behavior and threw the magazine at the girls face.

The next day the students a whole class full told their teacher what happened and she didn’t believe them, a class of thirty students insistent that this was truth where ignored and nothing was done.

Later in the day the math students who where in the top set where pulled aside to their lesson separate from the class including the girl with the magazine and Nina, all the students gathered around the far end of the table from this man. That wasn’t the only horrifying ordeal Nina suffered that month.

When everyone else was at break Nina had to get something from her bag when two of the bullies started on her. Nina went into the bathroom to get out of line of fire, but the girls followed her in and trapped her into the cubicle, and a horrifying truth escaped her mouth, a quiet truth that she had been hiding, “I wish I was dead” as break time ended the girls left. They had gone to the teacher saying Nina had said that she wished that they were dead. Something that Nina profusely denied. Although this thought had crossed her mind, a dark sinister thought, and not for the first time. Nina told the teacher what happened, and what had been happening over the past few years at the school and that she had told the teachers before but none had done anything at all to stop it. Not one intervention, not one effort to stop it, and this teacher followed suit and did nothing. Stood by and did nothing.

Later in the year the class were doing a drama skit from a book they liked and a ginger haired boy approached her and said you will be a perfect Hermione, with a puzzled look from Nina he explained to her, all about Luke Potter, and all she had to say was “we could have been killed or worse expelled” while he played Ron and his friend was Luke. Their drama skit was a success. Admittedly a little while later she read the books and she loved them. Yet another thing she was to have in common unknowingly with Amber who had discovered them and read them with an intense focus.

But things where starting to change for both girls, they had reached the age and time for secondary school, Amber was to remain home schooled but Nina would end up with another school she would detest.*

Launch day!

Well… Today is the launch of the Kindle book of The Diary of Elliot Parker Part Two!

 

So this was the continuation and it was just as fun and just as hard to write as when it was started. My aim this time with The Diary of Elliot Parker Part Two was to have as much fun writing it as possible. It is safe to say it was all kinds of intense!!!

The Kindle book is OUT TODAY… just in case you have missed the hints- GO GET IT (please)!!!

Just as before as a very special thank you to those of you who have been reading Elliot Parker’s entries, I have included the next three entries… that’s right you get a head start on seeing what is going to happen next. That’s right it doesn’t stop just yet. Not only are the entries of part two in one nice neat place, there are BONUS entries.

You get to see the exclusive world of what Elliot has to say next before anyone else.

So with all due respect, gratitude and appreciation I would like to thank the readers of arappleby.com for their willingness to read the stories, to read the writing and the writing exercises and all the fun that I have had writing for this website.

It will be a little while before there is more Elliot Parker so please, keep yourself in those worlds a little longer and splash out on the Kindle book.

Out today!!

 

May luck and adventure be on your side!

ARA xxx

The Diary of Elliot Parker

.: Entry Sixty :.

My name is Elliot Parker.

Waking up from the dream, the ghost tears felt real now. Waking up at three thirty-three in the morning, my time. Nothing short of magical to wake at three thirty-three in the morning and feel that kind of connection. I just feel like a walk in the sunset but you can’t really do that at three thirty something now in the morning. Instead I lay there and close my eyes, I take one deep breath and then another, and soon I see colours on the backs of my eyelids, swirling colours. I begin to think of that walk, the way the sun looks disappearing with streaks of reds and ambers bleeding the blue of the sky. The brisk cold air filling my lungs and splashing my face as I walk. The warmth of the coat around me and the hot heat of a hard walk in every muscle. The music in my ears. The cold ice of the air, making my nose red. I let it fill my every breath and every thought. Just the falling away of my existence, the falling away of the reality. This time the tears that fall are from the cold whipping wind. Nothing is more beautiful. It’s the kind of view that you just want to capture forever.

Is it running away or just loosing yourself? I miss loosing myself in other worlds like this, where the clarity is so unmistakeable. In a place where every risk pays off and you can have what you want in your life just by writing it. If that was possible I know what I would want, him, us, that back together-ness. I could have it my way, I could have everything. Isn’t that what happens in the stories, there’s a rough patch, things change, people change and then somehow they fall back together and things work out perfectly. The whole happy ever after thing. I want to live that, however much I wouldn’t openly admit it, I believe in it and with him, I want it.

Sometimes, being in touch with how you feel, can be a little overwhelming. Sometimes just wanting silence from yourself. No thoughts, just awe with the world around you and peace, sometimes it’s the thing that you want more than anything. Something to cleanse your soul. I know that it doesn’t sound like it, but I do love that I am finding ways to allow the whole of me, but more than anything, sometimes I just want to wash the fog away, you know the fog of trying to work out what it is you want and what everyone else wants from you. To just wash all of the ties and responsibilities away and let the ocean sweep over your very soul.

The thing is right now, for once, things with Adrian feel stable. Even when I am taking the biggest risks. I let him know a second chance was possible. I’ve become so much braver. Sometimes, I just struggle, because I don’t recognise myself. I don’t know where the last few years have gone, I don’t know where many years of my life have gone, boxed up and repressed for my own happiness.

These risks with Adrian, they may not seem like they are paying off, there’s no calculable results but they are there, especially on my side. The payoff is enormous. It feels better to be braver, it doesn’t feel like I am being brave. It feels like I am allowing myself most of all in that moment and it can only work out for me in the best way.

Last night, it was the night before Adrian flies, it’s the first trip he’s been home and I haven’t seen him, it’s been so hard as it is. I let him know that even if I can’t see him before he leaves I hope he has a safe trip. He said something sweet back, he hoped I stayed safe and wished me luck with the books. He’s never said that before.

I had to ask him if this was goodbye, it felt strange. It wasn’t goodbye. I asked him to keep in touch while he was out there. I just didn’t want him to think that there was an end to me wanting him in my life. He is such a huge part of it.

So I took a chance and I sent him another one of those, risks… in a message. It wasn’t me trying to achieve anything, it wasn’t with an agenda or motive. It was just me wanting to share what was in my heart at that particular moment, my own rampage filled with pure unconditional love.

“Promise you will keep in touch. Cos you are in my life for good and forever now. I wrote about you before I even met you. Writers immortalise the people they love and you are already immortalised in one of the stories that I have written, so that’s that. You are a life changing event and though it’s taken us a long time to get here I would do it all again. You helped me become the very best version of myself, the me that I had the potential to be that was out of reach, the best is still getting better.

I’m a better woman, a better friend, a better writer and a better everything for having you in my life. I owe you the biggest thank you the world could ever offer so I honestly do wish you a sincerely happy life.

I’ve immortalised you in other stories, so you are truly eternal, I hope that you can understand that the love I have for you is unconditional; at your best and your worst for all time. Whatever we may be and wherever we may be that doesn’t change.

I say this with complete sincerity, thank you for all that you are in my life and for your existence. You are loved, unconditionally and unendingly and appreciated beyond measure.”

Waiting for those two blue ticks suddenly felt like the riskiest thing in the world.

Out now! Want to see the next installment ahead of time? Can’t wait to find out what happens next? Get a cheeky little preview in the kindle book and see what happens after that risky text… 

Amazon UK https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B06XP14ZX2

Amazon US https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XP14ZX2

The Diary of Elliot Parker

.: Entry Fifty-Nine :.

My name is Elliot Parker, and the dusty room filled with books is materialising around me like a sea.

“Elliot?” His voice, even here makes my heart skip a beat.

“Adrian, you called me here?” I look at the books in the room around me, still tidy.

“I wanted to talk to you. I am going away again.” My heart sinks.

“I know, you said” the distance between us, however short in this room feels like gulfs sometimes.

“I didn’t say no to you. Did you notice?” He sounds like a hopeful child, wanting you to see some marvellous effort.

“When I said about second chances?”

“Yeah.” His smile is so hopeful it’s starting to hurt.

“I noticed. Looks like you are leaking through, not a straight no, less pinching off, just because you won’t physically be in the same country doesn’t mean that the second chance is invalid.” I watch the smile on his face, the little twitch as the corners of his mouth move as his smile becomes a grin.

“I know, it was the best I could do, I’m still pinched off, just I wanted to say thank you for helping, you are showing him, you are here the same as in the reality, you managed to allow your full self. We can see it, it is causing the changes in us, you know that right?” The way the separation talks from his physical and his soul pinched off hurts, I know it does, I remember that hurt.

“Yes. But that can’t be all you wanted to talk about.” I want to know everything he called me here for, but there is never enough time together.

“It’s not, after that hell of a day, we wanted to make sure you were ok, you know, he, we, we want you safe.” I can’t help but smile,

“Why is it, our best heart to hearts are here?”

“Because, I think, you already know, our souls are linked now.” Whether it is what we want or not, I know we are linked.

“Love does that doesn’t it?” He nods. I bridge the gap between us and walk over to him. “I know he is changing, I can see it, he didn’t have to tell me what I already knew. He keeps making this point, he’s asking for advice but it’s asking for advice and sharing things with me in a way that didn’t really happen before. He tells me about some girl who wants him or another that wanted a particular kind of favour from him and he tells me. He says to me that he says no to them and what they desire is not what he wants and lets me know that he said no.”

“But he, I, we haven’t said no to you.” Like he is offering the piece of a puzzle I didn’t already know.

“Precisely, it’s like you’re consciously trying to tell me to listen that you’ve not said ‘no’ you’ve evaded it saying that you won’t be in the country.”

“I’ve not given up on you. I can’t give you up. Listen to me, in reality, he’s still pinched off but now he is seeing that its ok to allow the whole of him, little by little. You showed us it was possible, how we hurt you and look at how you transformed. You became this soul that shines in this world and in reality and we can see your allowing yourself like a beacon showing us that it is possible. You don’t give up your connection with yourself. We are becoming the man you deserve.”

I can feel the ghost of a tear and I know it’s from the physical world. I am crying in my sleep, I can’t but let out a small smile.

“I don’t want you to go.”

“We don’t either. Just don’t give up on us.” I haven’t so far, I don’t think it could be possible.

“I love you, unconditionally. Promise you will never forget that.” He nods, I can’t stop myself from reaching up and pulling him into a kiss. My whole body feels like its glowing and sparking from top to toe, inside and out. I remember this feeling, it’s the feeling I’ve had in his arms. When we first saw each other after the messy break up and months of quiet, when we finally saw each other. I just remember this feeling being in his arms. It’s like a golden light coming from within, like the most intensely perfect feeling.

“We fit together.” I nod unable to find the words yet again. “You know of all the stupid things I’ve done, screwing us up was the dumbest mistake of my life.” I can’t help but laugh, it’s something of a choking feeling with the ghost of a tear.

“It’s easily fixed, just keep doing what you are doing, soon being happy won’t be the enemy. I wish you could remember that happiness isn’t the horrible thing he contorts it into. It doesn’t have to end.”

“I know, just keep leading by example.”

“I have no intention of stopping my allowing the full self. You know I mean it, when I say this year I’m going to be selfish, I am putting myself and what makes me happy first.”

“I don’t doubt it.”

“This year is my year; personal or professional I am doing me this year. I hope you get to tap into your full self this year. You deserve to be happy.”

“I know, you too. I am getting there, its baby steps between here and reality. Everything is working out, just don’t forget you know how I feel even if in the physical he refuses to admit anything. I am working on getting that wall knocked down. One step at a time.”

“When you tell me you are telling the other girls no…”

“I am telling you to be honest with you, but more than that, to show you that I haven’t said no to you, to show you that I can’t let you go even if I can’t say it out there, I mean it. I can’t and won’t lose you.”

“That would be impossible. I already told you, I am always, always here for you. I wish I could give you everything you want to make you happy.”

“You do. But I just have to stop getting in my own way.”

“This is so bittersweet.”

The pre-order link is available now… Due to release 10th June!

Amazon UK https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B06XP14ZX2

Amazon US https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XP14ZX2

The Diary of Elliot Parker

.: Entry Fifty-Eight :.

My name is Elliot Parker, but right now I am so glad that it’s not.

… Betraying myself, makes that yes the most deafening yes I will ever remember in my life.

The smile on his lips when he kissed me after the word had left my lips was unmistakeable. The kisses were hungry and intense and unquenchable. I fight the fog of the hunger. It feels like a fight I am loosing before I manage to break our lips free at last for a moment.  “You need to answer my question.” My breath feels as unsteady and as shaken as I feel. “Who are you really?”

It had sobered us both like a bucket of ice.

I waited, the silence was heavy, I could see the confliction flashing through his face. “It’s better you don’t know.”

My temper hits me in a white hot rage. Without knowing it my right hand has raised and been caught in his vice like grip, his reflex stopping me from slapping him. His other hand has already wrapped itself around my other wrist. His anger isn’t a mask this time, neither is the hurt registering in his eyes, I can feel it is a mirror reflection of myself. Bitterly like a hot knife a tear rolls down my cheek. I try to look away but I can see something strange in his eyes, guilt? Remorse? I feel his grip loosen.

Slowly my hands are allowed to fall freely to my side before I wrap them around my body. The sting of the tears I am defiantly wishing away are falling without my permission.

Finally, when he speaks, he is beside my ear and his breath tickles me. What he says, turns my insides into cold lead, “I’m the Prince you ran away from.”

The lump in my throat is solid, it doesn’t go away when I try to swallow air. It feels like I am suffocating. Suddenly my whole body is on fire and I have to get out the room. I push past him and this time he lets me as I burst from his cabin and run to the furthest end of the ship dizzy and hot and burning from the inside out.

I could jump, I could try to out swim the ship but there’s no land to rescue and no other ship in sight. I can feel his every stride across the deck, he stopped standing in the door, I could feel him reading my desire to jump, to feel the cold splash of the sea on my skin. I feel him approach, I feel more trapped with every breath I take. The pounding in my ears, I feel like I’m drowning in my own fire.

His voice cuts through me, he turns me to face him, “I am addicted to you, regardless of who you are and who I am.”

This time he doesn’t stop me when I slap him. “Where are we going?” I feel every word heavy and painful from the pit of my lungs.

“Home.” My knees buckle under me.

I never escaped, not really. I can never escape. He pulls me up and somehow I find myself floating into his cabin. “You lied.”

“Can you blame me?”

“Yes.”

“The moment I saw you I knew no matter who you were I was under your spell. I wanted to know you, really know you.”

“You were under the contract of the arrangement.”

“No, the moment I saw you and new you were running away, from me, you didn’t know who I was; I wanted you to choose me, not have your hand forced.”

“You can’t be serious?” I finally notice the door is closed, it’s just us. “What is the damn truth with you?”

He takes a deep breath. How did I end up sitting on his bunk? When did he kneel in front of me? When did he take my hands in his? “I am the Prince you will marry; I am the Prince who fell from grace the moment our eyes met. You are my addiction and an adventure with every breath. Finally, you told me what I had hoped for, I am your addiction. That hasn’t changed.”

“The crew know who you are?”

“Yes. They found out who you really were when you got us out of that chamber.”

“You knew exactly who I was, and your men have seen me naked at your demand in that cave.” I feel the fury and fire in my throat burning again. I pull my hands free of his.

“I had no choice, you refused to do what I said and you would have died of cold, you almost did.”

“I was nothing more than a game to you.”

“You were everything but a game. Running away like this, at least you were safe, I never once gambled us or risked losing you, unless I told the truth. I could have not said a word. We could have carried on running.”

I pull my legs up so my knees are hugged tight to my body. His words were supposed to do something, but what? Stop me from being angry? To make me feel lucky? What? All I know is the confusion is a thick fog. Am I angry or thankful or hurt or betrayed or happy or relieved or trapped or embarrassed or humiliated?

He sat with a thud beside me, I speak, not moving, knees still tight in my arms. “You locked the door didn’t you?” There is no key in the lock, I already know the answer. He nods. “I can’t leave can I?”

“There’s nowhere out there to run to, I know you want to run, but please,” he turns his body towards mine and pulls me towards him so that he can look me in the eyes. I give up staring at my feet, “please, Princess, don’t run from me again. I will do anything to not lose like I could have done. Now that I know you, I don’t think I could ever recover. If I had never known you, if we had never stumbled into each other and never met, the Princess who ran away wouldn’t hurt as much as it hurts right now to see you look at me like this.” I look away, I keep how I am feeling unvoiced and stare in silence refusing to break my own resolve.

The pre-order link is available now… Due to release 10th June!

Amazon UK https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B06XP14ZX2

Amazon US https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XP14ZX2

The Diary of Elliot Parker

.: Entry Fifty-Seven :.

My name is Elliot Parker. Except, here it’s not.

I maybe the Captain’s addiction, but he is not mine, my addiction? Staying alive.

I might have charmed the Captain to cut himself free of the dead wood men ready to mutiny. On this boat there are two types of men, those that accept that forbidden magic has kept them alive and those that are struggling with the morals. The ones who were dead set against it are now just plain dead.

The Captain accepted my set up as the stowaway girl but no regular stowaway girl would have these powers, no regular person would even have a chance of these powers. They come from specific, influential bloodlines, the stronger the magic… the Captain knows this. The crew have enough knowledge of rumours. What interests me, is that the Captain has magical control. Not just the basic charisma most Captains have that brings the men like moths to the flame ready to serve. Something more. His past is more than just the plain Captain he has lead us all to believe.

I sit on the steps to the helm watching the water around us. Nothing but sea. The Captain had kept himself locked in his cabin since the kiss after we danced on deck.

I’ve been sat here stewing over what I want to do. There has been so much that has been bothering me about all the questions floating through my head about the Captain. I finally decide to stop trying to calculate what the hell my next move is and stand up, straightening my shirt. I pull my hair into a rough bun with a tie of cloth.

I knock on his door, there is a shift and I stand out of view. I knock on the door; curiosity is what forces him to open the door, I just take advantage of his surprise and push past him and into the room. I watch the hesitation before he closes the door. No point making an unwinnable war.

“You’ve not been on deck in a few days.” I feel his eyes tracing my body.

“I’ve been working.” He refuses to meet my eye and looks away.

“Have you? What on?” I cock my head to the side and let a loose strand of hair fall down on my cheek covering my eye. He shakes his head, “nothing” I slowly wrap the loose strand around my finger and push it behind my ear. He sits on his bunk, his cabin is tidier than normal, he’s cleaned up. He must have been bored. I let him catch me looking, at the tidier cabin, I try to hide the racing thoughts. I take a deep breath and lean against the desk taking a deep breath I cross my arms. “What do you want Princess?”

“I want the truth.”

“How very vague, what about?”

“You.”

He smiled, “me?”

“Yes. Who were the blue and creams really after, you or me?” I try to get him to meet my eye but his eyes are fixed on the wall.

“Who do you think?”

“That’s what I can’t decide, I might have more than you may have expected. But I know that you are more than the man you claim to be.” I let my words linger in the air, the silence as deafening as the roar of the ocean on a stormy night.

“That’s an interesting theory.”

“Theory? Who are you really? I don’t believe you are a Captain with that much control by happenstance.”

“You want answers?”

“Would I be here if I didn’t?”

“If you want answers, you need to tell me what turned you into the runaway Princess begging for a strange Captain’s help to escape.”

“Then you will tell me?”

“If you tell me the unadulterated truth. No masks, just us here, and I’m telling no one.”

“Responsibility.”

“What responsibility?”

“I am running from an arranged marriage that I never wanted.”

“Did you meet him?”

“No. I left before he reached the palace.”

“So you are the Princess running from her palace and prince? You take a lot of risks.”

“Are risks really risks if they are calculated?”

“Yes. He could have been a good man.”

“Or a terrible one. It was an arrangement of alliance not of match made romance.”

“You could have come to love him. Instead you chose this life on the run.”

“I chose freedom.”

“Will you ever go back?”

“How can I?”

“Do you think it was an accident you chose my ship?” I felt a shift beneath my feet and it wasn’t the boat, it was me. Was this all an accident. Was this part of something else?

“Who are you really?”

“I want my question answered first.” He stood, he took two or three strides to stand in front of me, the palms of his hands bracing the desk on either side of me, no longer lazily leaning on his desk. His face is close to mine, I could feel his eyes locking onto mine, he wanted honesty, and he stripped the masks between us away completely. “Am I your addiction to?”

I felt every breath harder in my chest, I couldn’t charm my way out of this in any remote option, the best, to tell the truth and hope it’s the one that keeps me alive. I find myself unable to speak, I try but there is some strange feeling in my throat. I could swear my heart beating could be heard on deck. I can’t break free of the struggle to say the words. His face is so close to mine the warmth of his breath is intoxicating. I lean myself a little closer, this time when my lips brush his I am nervous, a different kind of nervous, a giddy heart racing nervous. Our lips touch feather light, I kiss him, so gently I am wondering if it was something of the imagination. Until I kiss him again and his lips meet mine firmly. One kiss then another falls into another, a breathless hunger of kisses fall between us, I pause for the briefest second and my voice is no more than a whisper, even though it is my own biggest betrayal, “yes”…

The pre-order link is available now… Due to release 10th June!

Amazon UK https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B06XP14ZX2

Amazon US https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XP14ZX2

The Diary of Elliot Parker

.: Entry Fifty-Six :.

My name is Elliot Parker and that crazy day didn’t stop there obviously.

So how far did I get? Ah, the parking lot, or leaving it I should say. So we drive down the main road talking about the day so far still laughing at the audacity of the man that Clover described as a “ropey piece of…” You get the idea.

So anyway we turn off to avoid the traffic of town and turn off just past the hospital and we are driving along to the first crossroads. A man is standing to cross, well sort of standing, more zombie walking across, he had blood dripping down the side of his face and he reached the other side. Clover shouts out the car asking if he is ok, he nods, like a zombie and she points him in the direction of accident and emergency a road down and has to drive to pull up on the other side of the cross road so other cars can pass. So we call the emergency services, Clover has her eye on the man and I explain to the ambulance team about his injuries and the man runs off. Literally runs off, we turn the car and we are trying to see him, its dark outside and he has disappeared. We try to see if we can spot the man as we drive, however because we can’t find him the ambulance can’t come out. We look up and down the side roads for the next twenty to thirty minutes hoping to spot him.

We can’t find him and we try one last attempt to see if he is ok and we head to accident and emergency. A conversation we don’t quite know how to have.

“This might sound like a bit of a weird question…” Well now the receptionist is listening… “But we saw this man a few roads away and he had blood dripping down the side of his head and…”

The receptionist rolled her eyes, she knew who we were talking about “we know, he did it in here. He came in and kicked off and did that to himself and ran off before we could do anything.”

Ah so it was self-inflicted, suddenly we felt a lot less concerned and responsible. So we got back on track and had to head back to the MaccyD’s we had just been in for the play pit. The other place had closed.

Well the little one ended up having fun playing with a few other kids while we sat on the floor watching her chatting. It had been such a crazy day.

And do you know, the only thing I wanted by the end of the day was to cuddle up with Adrian with a nice hot cup of tea and something stupid on the TV. Out of all the things in the world, he is still what I wanted to comfort me.

With some of the decisions I’ve been trying to make recently, I just needed his special brand of cuddles, even if it’s one of the ones where he pokes me in the back a little. I know I find it agitating but the way we just seem to fit together, it just feels so safe and so much like home. He is my safe place, even if he doesn’t know or understand that, it’s ok. I just don’t think I can forget that day. I don’t think I can forget that he is my safe place. I don’t think I will ever forget that feeling, that after a long hard day when I am exhausted and just in need of feeling safe and comfortable he is the person I think of.

I haven’t discussed this with him, how can I? Just like I really don’t know if I want his opinion, because I think he would tell me to do it and make it all very public. It has been suggested to me that I should write a memoir, about something specific, about the relationship I have with my mother. There is a reason why I am scared to do this, actually there is many. I’ve given it so much thought. Too much thought. But it doesn’t feel right or ready yet. Not because I am protecting her or protecting myself, really protecting myself. But right now, I am still living it and I need the space from it rather than to keep thinking about the way things are. I don’t want to do it and feel worse for it. I want to do it for the right reasons. I want to be able to do it and be able to say “I accept that this made me feel (insert whatever feeling fits like scared or hurt or angry) and that’s ok. I accept that it made me feel like that and I am happy to be in a position where I no longer feel this way and I am able to begin to feel thankful for this experience because it has enabled me to become who I am today. Who I am today is awesome and full of happiness and love and the past has been released.”

That would be the position and emotional place that I want to be in if I do ever decide that I am ready to sit down and write the memoirs that people tell me I should be writing. Right now, I am living it, and just living it is hard enough as it is. I never expected to feel or live this way. But I am not willing to hurt myself more now, when there is a chance that in the future I will be able to write it in a place where it benefits me emotionally to release me from the past, and the present.

I don’t doubt that Adrian would understand if I explained it that way, I just don’t want to feel like I am running away from or avoiding writing it for the wrong reason. He wants the best I am sure but I don’t feel ready for crossing that bridge.

The pre-order link is available now… Due to release 10th June!

Amazon UK https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B06XP14ZX2

Amazon US https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XP14ZX2

The Diary of Elliot Parker

.: Entry Fifty-Five:.

My name is Elliot Parker; I believe I had got to the part when the crazy man decided to call the police?

Ah yeah. So the guy is on the phone to the police and starts giving Clover’s car details and describes the car as yellow. Well my eyes have rolled into my head. The manager is telling her don’t give the guy your phone number. I’ve carelessly but agitated said “the car is ORANGE at least get the damn colour right” I’d had enough. So Clover is given the phone and the man is still going on and the general agitation hasn’t changed. I really can’t be dealing with this guy for much longer. So Clover gets off of the phone and the man starts going on that he needs her details. Clover asks the manager can she please see the CCTV so she goes with the manager and the man follows them, I go and sit back in the car with the little one. The man comes out and starts walking around his car and then walks around Clover’s car then talks at me through the window.

The man starts making a demand at me through the window to call Clover and get her back out. I said, very firmly, “no you can wait, she is with the manager.” He hasn’t listened to me and demands again that I call her, my response? “No I said you can wait.” I swear some people just want to get on my bad side to see if I will end up losing my temper at them. So Clover comes back out with the manager. The man starts going on about the details. He tells her he wants her number. She says no, he says it again. I snap back. Something snapped in me to make me take control again, “You are not having her number.”

“Yes I am I am having her number”

“I SAID you are not having her number.”

Apparently the manager must have been surprised according to Clover (in the post incident chat in the car) but anyway, yeah I talked to the man like he was a five-year-old. He was acting like it. So why not? The man carries on saying “the police said…” I interrupted “I don’t care what the police said.” The manager stepped in and asked what the police said, the man didn’t like the manager stepping in.

“The police said… the police said… and I am doing what the police said.” Couldn’t actually tell us could you mate? Dickhead.

So anyway this bloke is still going on and we eventually pull the information we need out of him like his name and insurance like pulling teeth. So the man drives off without paying for his fuel which makes us laugh a little and the manager walks off pleased the man hasn’t paid for his fuel. So finally Clover and I are sat in the car, with the details of the manager in case the man puts in an insurance claim. So turns out the manager’s name is Richard. We are about to leave when the man swings his car back into the forecourt and stops outside the shop and starts waving at us. Clover asked if he was trying to flag us down again. I told her no, and we are not stopping let’s go.

So we get a short way down the road where there is a split and roundabout. The man speeds to just ahead but beside us and looks right into the car. I stare at him and tell her to wait till he drives off so he can’t follow us. He drives off not in the direction we are headed in and we head to Clover’s.

So of course I started writing the written statement while the phone call to her insurance was taking place to give them a warning that the man is likely to put in a fraudulent claim. So it took about three or so pages to write it out all done and dusted.

A quick trip back to the petrol station to ask the manager if it was possible for a copy of the CCTV. But sadly, the manager, Richard had just left by the time we got there, so a note was left and we could finally get on with the rest of our day…

We drove over to the MaccyD’s with the play pit and little one had fallen asleep in the back of the car. So we got a nice hot drink and I swear we were still laughing about the ridiculousness of the man who had clearly picked her as a target. Let’s face it, a young mum with a kid in the car to him looked like an easy target. The bizarre part was that he had told Clover he would have just let her go if she had said sorry and not lied. Like what the hell is wrong with you to act like such an idiot. I mean causing a huge scene when you are making stuff up isn’t a good look. He thought he had an easy target. But his body language didn’t work in his favour, neither did his manners. The way he spoke so loudly and the big attention seeking body language was designed to embarrass her and threaten her to push her into paying him to shut up and leave her alone.

I have no idea how or why, but that manifestation was incredibly stressful but also it has made me laugh. A LOT!

How could it not make you laugh? It just seemed like the most incredibly ridiculous stupid behaviour I have seen in a very long time. It takes a lot for me to snap, but he got a short blast of me taking control. Something I don’t often do but when I do, it’s hard to cross me. Even if I do shake like a Chihuahua on adrenalin…

But here’s the thing it wasn’t the only crazy thing to happen in one day and leavin*g the parking lot of the MaccyD’s to find another play pit while little one was sleeping was the start of another adventure.

The pre-order link is available now… Due to release 10th June!

Amazon UK https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B06XP14ZX2

Amazon US https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XP14ZX2

The Diary of Elliot Parker

.: Entry Fifty-Four :.

My name is Elliot Parker and today has been madness. Honestly, how on earth did I manifest this?

So Clover and I decided to go to lunch with the little one.

Of course somehow I ended up running behind and was in a rush out the door. So Clover and I had a little chat in the car about the boys in her life.

It was a restaurant that we don’t usually go to, as we were eating we had an idea to go to somewhere with a play park for the little one to play after dinner. The lunch was a lovely treat, Clover made a joke that I couldn’t help but laugh at suggesting I work in a nursery. It’s taken a long time until I have felt sort of comfortable around children. Honestly, I don’t have much experience with them, I am always scared I will squish them, there’s no babies in my family and haven’t been for years so it’s one of those weird things.

I guess, even though I do eventually want kids one day, I really am in no rush.

So after lunch we get in the car again and we stop off at Clover’s regular petrol station. Well, little did we know as we parked at the pump we would be there longer than we had ever intended. A quick stop, that was the plan. And the best laid plans go awry.

While Clover is inside, I am sat with the little one when a guy swerves in to park in the pump in front. Clover came back out and he looked her over. So she gets in the car and we start talking about the bloke who had looked her over. She drove around his bad parking job. Like clear around. Minutes later we hear banging on the back of the car and he’s yelling at her that she hit his car. So she stopped got out looked at her car and walked over to his. He’s still being very loud causing a scene shouting that she hit his car and she’s not entering on his level. She hasn’t hit his car and she states that he starts yelling louder calling her a liar. She has to move the car so someone else can get past so as she is going to park he’s following and pushing her almost getting into the parking spot. I tell her to stay with little one and the car I am going to get security involved. I get out the car take a photo of his license plate, the side of Clover’s car where there are distinctly old scratches he is insisting are from her car. Then I walk over to his car take a photo of the dent, which is huge, not a scuff but a dent. Here is the big issue, if she had dented his car she would have had a real mark on her car. So I walk into the shop part and start looking for a member of staff, I check the shop floor and find the man has followed me inside, and goes to me “what are you doing?”

Like seriously? What a prick. So I respond saying looking for a member of staff. I catch sight of a man in a suit coming out from behind the cash tills, I catch him on his way back into the office. I ask him if there “is any security available? There is a man saying my friend dented his car but she hasn’t and he’s being quite aggressive” There’s no security but he is the manager, and he came out to help us.

So we head back out to the forecourt and the man is still ranting like an idiot, just at the manager who looks at Clover’s car and agrees that the scratches are definitely old. We knew that. And the dent on his car has paint transfer, like the man is yelling, but the difference is the transfer on his car is red. Clover’s car is orange.

The manager tells Clover she is within her rights to leave and drive off with his license details, she didn’t his car.

The man starts getting louder and more erratic telling us that we can’t leave, and so on. I ask the manager if he could check the CCTV for us. He disappears to the office to check and another member of staff comes over to stand with us.

The man is still being very irritating. So the manager comes out and tells Clover it looks like she has gone right around him. The man is still being, loud. The manager tells the man to calm down or leave. Well, that doesn’t go down well the man starts arguing that the manager can’t tell him to leave he has no right. The manager looks annoyed at this point and firmly tells him he can tell him to leave, he is the manager and this is his forecourt. The man carries on being rude saying why is he here why is he getting involved, he works in the pizza place nearby and then he throws a random word out, “immigration” and the three of us are like “what the hell has immigration got to do with this?” the man doesn’t answer and carries on ranting this time saying something about “over three years ago” and pointing at the car. And the rest of the dents in the car are none of our business (and trust me his car had more dents in it then a derby car).  Like seriously?!

So, anyway, this is getting ridiculous now. So did you know I get the shakes with an adrenalin rush? That really doesn’t help my temper in the long term because of the agitation and pain the shakes causes. The manager has had enough of this guy and can tell we have to. The manager advises us that we can get in the car and drive he can’t do anything. That is when the man decides to call the police even after being told that this is not a police matter and the emergency number is not his personal hotline…

The pre-order link is available now… Due to release 10th June!

Amazon UK https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B06XP14ZX2

Amazon US https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XP14ZX2