.: Entry One-Hundred and Fifteen :.
My name is Elliot Parker and I just recently decided it’s time to end the negatively impacting cycle that is my relationship with Clover. Things with her have gone from bad to worse and I just can’t keep letting any shred of happiness be continually tainted. I want to protect and increase my happiness. I shouldn’t have to be fighting to stay happy. I have the motivation I needed all along. I want to live my best life. I want to feel my best and feel free and I want to keep the promise to myself that I can do and be anything I want.
I wrote a list recently, a list of all the things I want, all the things I am ready to achieve and move towards. However, that comes about is up to how I allow it into my life. So here is that list again, my motivation.
I want my own home.
(This will take time, I don’t doubt, but I am ready for it, I know what kind of thing I am wanting and what it will be like.)
I want to get better at my hobbies.
(This is the thing that is the most fun. Slowly I am increasing the me time to put into the things I enjoy doing. I am putting the energy into it again like I did when I first started. The energy that when I first began lead to a little bit of an obsession. Having put the thought and the effort in I am now trying to work out when and where I can squeeze some more time out of my day to think about it or do it or work on it. That is the fun part, making that effort in my day to really focus for a moment on what I am doing and achieving day to day, and sure it isn’t always every day because sometimes I get too tired. But I love that I have developed a little more focus, so in time the being better will come effortlessly, it won’t be so hard anymore.)
I want to lose weight easily and effortlessly.
(Well as you saw in my last post that is already happening, a week in and even with the smallest of nothing tweaks to my habits that is happening. I like that I am even starting to get a little more energy as I get used to the small changes.)
I want to learn to drive.
(Well that might take a few years or a lottery win, but I know one day I will do it.)
I want freedom and to enjoy my abundance.
(Well, I am already, for the first month in a while I have a tiny bit of money left at the end of my pay check, which is unusual. But I know as I go into the next few months, it is likely to get a little bit tighter. But that is ok because I have prepared for it and I am ready to move forward and past it.)
I want to write something that really makes a difference on here (or wherever really I guess? All kinds of things could happen).
(So this one is a bit open to interpretation. But I think, even knowing when to end a toxic friendship counts as making a difference, even if it is only to my life. There is no harm in pursuing what makes me happy, there is no harm in writing how I really feel and then working out how to fix something or feel better about it.
I want to keep enjoying a steady income.
(So far so good, I am working consistently even if I don’t always enjoy work, I enjoy this and that is something. The steady income is enabling me to keep my head above water at the moment.)
I want to enjoy my income.
(Well, as part of my diet motivation I set myself some rewards so that is about to become a thing I get a couple of prizes for my diet achievements… and as added motivation I have found a swimsuit I want. I can just about get in it now, I am going to lose some weight so I actually look good in it when I next try it on… next pay check that suit is mine…)
I want to build up my ability to really just create my life effortlessly.
(Well, I’ve created a few good days at work. I’ve created some fun and freedom and some effortless encounters. Some results here and there. Some good time with Dyl and some lovely dinners.)
I want to wear that beautiful blue dress I got in the sale a few years ago that I have never worn.
(Well, there is a fair bit I need to lose to get there but I will I know it won’t be a long weight either.)
I want a family of my own.
(Now is a bit too soon to be working on that one, but I am happily building a steady foundation with Dyl.)
Looking at the list like that and seeing where I already am with that is great. I think that although having this motivation is great, I think it is coming to time where I am just so ready to live it and I can’t wait to be enjoy the reality.
As I walk away from Clover something tells me she won’t even notice or care and that is ok, leaving quietly is better than leaving with a bang. I want the best life for her, but I think right now it is important I live the best life I can for myself. I can’t change her and I don’t want to, it’s not my job. My job is my happiness and making my life positive. I have tried making the friendship I had with her more positive but whatever I tried didn’t work so now it’s time to give up on that and invest in the relationships that are willing to grow in positive ways.
So The Diary of Elliot Parker will release very soon… so here is the Pre-Order link for Ninety-One to One hundred and Twenty! Releasing 22nd September 2018
Or if you want the whole collection in one neat and tidy book, here is the Pre-Order link for the Complete Collection! Releasing 13th October 2018