The countdown is ticking.

Around week 34 it became official the doctors were less tentative to say the words preeclampsia around me. Shortly after my last post I found myself in and out of maternity like a hot potato. Blood and protein still in pee. Weeks long headaches that started to become migraines. Some right sided pain. Puffy feet. You get the picture. At this point I officially considered myself to be over being pregnant.

We sorted out the birth plan, not that life often intends to go to plan but we will see. There’s not long to go either way.

By week 35 I officially felt ready to start the count down. Just a couple more weeks to hit the target and we can stay on island if all goes well. Fingers crossed.

36 week midwife appointment fun, the bingo card for things found in my pee was once again complete. Higher readings of protein and blood. So that’s being sent away. Fun times.

There comes a point where perfectionism can actively hinder creativity, especially writing.

Especially when you are stuck between doing and avoidance. Having been assigned therapy homework on perfectionism I can see its impact in my writing. I am avoiding doing writing because I feel the need to “get it right the first time” right now instead of getting it out so it just exists which is massively counter intuitive.

Not only that but once it is done or as I am doing it, I find myself constantly going over it to make sure everything is “as it should be” causing more delays and dissatisfaction in my writing and myself.

Honestly the therapy modules for dealing with severe perfectionism and its impact are hard as hell. I can see why it has escalated the problem of writers block lately. I know I mentioned being in a writing slump not long ago. Its just one of those uncomfortable things right? Surely?

I don’t know. I wish I had more answers but at the same time I am aware a lot of this is me getting in my own way and I am ready to stop causing myself unnecessary stress. Part of that is dealing with the mental health aspect, I will get there and I will lay off the pressure on myself and my anxiety about getting back into it and having to get it “Right” 100% of the time,

It’s like I keep trying to tell myself…

IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE PERFECT IT JUST HAS TO EXIST!