What’s coming up next?

Well when I first began to wonder about the question I realised my original idea has to change. I haven’t been able to take part in NANOWRIMO like I had planned and hoped I could and would have, although I did begin starting to look at the project ideas and begin planning what I want it to be like I have struggled to even begin to get the words down on paper.

So I know this isn’t the ideal situation I was hoping for. I found myself with a lot of half started stories this year, and only a couple of them have been finished. So what do I want to do with the remainder of 2017? Well… I am going to do something naughty. I am going to post the first three chapters of the big project around Christmas time, so stay tuned. But I warn you, those three chapters of the big project over the Christmas period are likely to be all that is ever shown in a preview on here until I have an agent/publisher and a publishing contract and date etc all sorted out. Yes, I know that is mean, just giving a little teaser and taster of a project I have honestly loved writing. I am still hunting for the agent and publisher so it probably is a bit mean to be saying here this is the great big project I have been preparing for, for the last seven or eight years. But that being said, seven or eight years is a long old time to be working on something. I love this story and I can’t wait to share it but right now this is all I feel like it is time to share.

But that is not enough I know. So this year will see the start of a project I wrote a while ago and that has had a bit of editing from its first draft of horror to this draft of shame… in the hope that it could be more of what I wanted it to be like. It had a little bit of a make-over, which it sorely needed, and I think my way of writing has evolved and changed since then so of course editing was very painfully cringe-y. I enjoyed writing this story the first time because it meant a lot to me that I had been inspired by the wonderful strong women I know. So that will start this year and be adjusted into next year’s new post structure/schedule. So I will probably be releasing that in its chapters and I will release that as a whole next year on amazon kindle so keep your eyes peeled. It’s called Darling Daughters and will begin to appear on here VERY soon.

So what is happening to The Diary of Elliot Parker? Well, I am continuing the project, it’s developed a life of its own and taken a few twists and turns already I can’t wait to share… I think Elliot Parker is here to stay for a while, just how much post time it gets over the next year is debatable, it will return in the new year to share some screen space with Darling Daughters… I love writing TDEP and I am reluctant to let it go just yet. It’s a hell of a lot of fun to write.

Hopefully with any luck I will also be able to begin to work on the project I had planned to do for NANOWRIMO, get a good plot hashed out and ready to write, write that and then hopefully it will be ready to appear some-time next year. I just need to get a few projects done… ok more than a few. I think there is a to do list that is longer than I am tall… I will get it done though. I refuse to fall into the abyss of worrying too much about the to do list to actually get it done. It’s just going to take some time… So yes I know I am currently borrowing time like crazy, but I will get some exciting new projects and work written up soon! I promise.

So I know this isn’t exactly what I planned. But I have to roll with it, life is a bit unpredictable so I am going to be working even harder now than I was before to make sure I am releasing the best work I can on here for you to read.

May luck and adventure be on your side.

ARA xx

 

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Author Update (November 2017)

So it is November after all… This year has gone so very quickly.

Where has this year gone? I can’t believe it has gone so very fast! Not long until Christmas and New Year!

Has everyone else done all their Christmas shopping and gotten everything done yet?

I’ve been thinking about what I want to do next year, in terms of New Years resolutions. I am beginning to wonder what next year will bring but I am sure it will be good.

I have barely done any writing lately but I am hoping to settle into creating a new rhythm so that I am making more time to write. To be honest, barely is putting it mildly.

No NANOWRIMO this year sadly but maybe next?

This month on Netflix… I watched the Daredevil and some of the new Heartland series but other than that, tv has been lazy half baked viewing. I finished watching all of the new series of Vampire Diaries and have been watching some of the Greenhouse Academy too.

Guitar has been SO VERY slow, I have been trying to decide what song to master next but the practice schedule has been pretty hard to achieve… as in, I haven’t practiced, although we learned Two Worlds Collide by Demi Lovato, as much as I like the song I don’t think it is one that I like playing on guitar sadly.

My sumbissions of The Big Project to agents and publishers has been slow and painful… extremely … No luck as yet but there is always hope for the future.

I am still working on that whole work/writing/life balance… its harder than I thought.

Of course I still gotta throw a little plug in for The Diary of Elliot Parker 🙂 I likes writing it so of course I will keep reminding you…

The Diary of Elliot Parker Part Three is now available! Here is the UK link https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B075VSBT3Q

Here is the US link https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075VSBT3Q

 

And as always… I just want to remind you that there are books that are open, and available to you. So here is the link to my amazon author page, why not see if something takes your fancy? There is plenty up there to get you caught up from the first edition to the current of The Diary of Elliot Parker. Perhaps I might even stick something new on there soon so watch this space!!!

May luck and adventure be on your side!

ARA xxx

Wicked was well…

Wicked.

So yes I know, we went on Halloween and it has taken me an awful long time to type anything to be honest. So what can I tell you, Wicked on Halloween was incredible. Haz, Boo and I seemed to have a great evening, albeit chaotic.

As per tradition Haz was a bit late to meet up to travel into London together. So finally getting into the station we went to Frankie and Bennies, which was a great choice. We all had something a little bit different but we enjoyed the food and only had the mains because, lets face it the portions are decent enough to leave you feeling rather full. We decided to go try some mini cupcakes on a side shop after, which were great.

Well when it comes to wicked we had a lot of fun, a big giggle waiting to go in, our seats were half decent for sitting in the nosebleeds. We had a great view. The cast did an incredible job. Truly, it was magnificent. The vibes were incredible, the energy in the room, everything.

I loved it. For once I wasn’t insanely jealous of the cast performing either, I got to enjoy it completely but I think that has more to do with where I am now and what has been happening in life. Then as for the horrendously pricey mini tub of ice cream… that was delicious.

The cast did a great job, their singing was incredible, the techniques and the emotion they had emphasized were completely on point. It was brilliant.

Basically we all loved watching Wicked. A fantastic night out.

The Harry Potter Tour

So… Yep I finally went. I’ve not had time to write up about it until now. Although some pictures are slowly making their way to my instagram page, which you can probably tell I went with boo.

So Watford is a lovely place, the studios are massive. It is a magical trip to make for any Potter fan, and yes puns will probably be intentional.

We got to the studio a little bit early but it was good to not rush, we enjoyed the giant chess pieces out the front, wonderful props. So we went inside, I advise a quick trip to the bathroom before you go into the studios, always good to be prepared. So we loved looking at all the beautiful props even in the atrium before you enter. So we made our way inside and there is a whole big thing before the tour really begins which is where I will refuse to give spoilers. But stepping into the tour was insane fun, we loved it, the hall the hourglasses everything. going through all the props, the way that things were made, seeing how things were made, cast and crew interviews on screens throughout the tour were fantastic. I loved the Halloween features that had been put in place, the special touches, it was fantastic. The live show with death eaters. The people that work there are great and need a lot of praise, they do a great job and are there if help is needed.

The entire tour was incredible, but unfortunately, I am definitely not a fan of butterbeer… it is gross in my opinion, but that is ok, we don’t all have to like it… So the next thing, the thing that left me awestruck was the room that has Hogwarts inside. Honestly, it was very much an incredible feeling to walk around the model of a place that for most of your child hood you dreamed of running away to. It did kind of feel like that “ah, I am home” sort of feeling, even though in reality we had never been there before. It was completely incredible. I loved every second of the tour. I can’t wait to go back, honestly I am already planning another trip, though it won’t be for at least another year.

 

Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy

This book took me a little while to read. It has a few authors, Cassandra Clare, Sarah Rees Brennan, Maureen Johnson, Robin Wasserman. Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy was a good read, some of it took more time than others to understand. I mean, it was pretty incredible. I liked the continuation and the breathing life into characters and seeing back stories for characters who in the original mortal instruments seemed to have more of a story. One thing I couldn’t shake was the wondering about this book, was it essentially like a fan fiction for some aspects. Like I know it was probably very planned with guidelines for some of it but still I have to wonder if it was a way to push a few storylines forwards.

Don’t get me wrong I loved that Alec and Magnus ending up accidental parents to a little blue warlock. I thought that was great! I love the whole “Malec” ship. But I can’t help but the “Clace” (Clary and Jace) ship was a bit, lacking in how defined it felt. I know the focus was largely on Simon. I like that he grew as a character and that his friendship with Clary was given a new route of life. But I think the friendship that was built and so heavily underlined with George was a heavy handed approach to make the character liked. I’m not above writing like that myself, I know characters have to be given an importance and likeability if they are to take up a significant amount of face time with a main character. But the way that the friendship and kinship resolves with Simon and George, it feels like an underwhelming resolution to a storyline. I know there has to be a significant risk or consequence for characters and to threaten it but not deliver is foolish. But however, I do think delivering the consequence to a character who otherwise could be seen as a side line or after thought to even the main character is a bit ill advised. Making someone significant all of a sudden with the desperate need before any consequence to have provoked an emotional response feels a bit amateur for the story. I think I might have expected a bit more. Maybe the emotional bond could have been highlighted more earlier and given higher stakes.

Yes, Simon and Clary would be obvious parabatai material but to be honest, I wanted it to be George, I think it would have been nicer. I think Clary and Isabelle would have been great to see them find a level of friendship that they could become parabatai. It would be a little less obvious and a bit more controversial although, that said, it would have been obvious too. I suppose I just would have liked Simon to have grown a bit away from Clary even when he gets his memories back. I think putting some distance with Simon and Clary would have been good just to see how Simon grows more with others, I think, George would have challenged him as a parabatai to become who he wanted to be, not to say Clary wouldn’t, but to say, Clary seems to have Simon always at her side as a side kick not so much an equal but the emotional crutch and you don’t often see her return the favour. Her being there for Simon feels under told in this story in some ways, she acts as a mechanism for escape and distraction which we all need but I think Simon needed her a bit more, even though he may not have realised it.

That being said, it’s a good book, I enjoyed reading it, sometimes it was hard to put it down, but I did have two or so weeks between picking it up to read the next part once or twice, hence why I felt it took me longer than usual to read.

The Diary of Elliot Parker Part Three is now available  on amazon! Out NOW… here is the UK link https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B075VSBT3Q

Here is the US link https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075VSBT3Q

Vampire Academy 10th Anniversary Edition

Well… I had to wait for my delayed order. When it came I wasn’t very sure I could face reading it. I love the story, but this book has all new material at the back. But before I could read the new material that I had desperately been needing I decided to read the book.

Well, it was just as good as the first time I read it, even better if I am honest. I loved reading it having known what happens later, knowing what the series brings and what the sister series brings. I smiled a lot more reading it.

I love the strong characters, the tender moments and of course the sass and wit. I loved every word. It was wonderful and beautiful and a pleasure to live vicariously through.

So the story of two runaway girls who are part of the vampire world are brought back to the boarding school they ran away from. The story is wonderful and I have an official crush on the Dimitri character. GAWSH he is hot!

Ok so obviously the story itself is wonderful and addictive. I really enjoy this chance to see the beginning of the evolution that the character’s face. How the characters begin to grow individually and of course see the double agent weaving the web of lies from the very beginning is great to read. Even re-reading the story is just as pleasurable as the very first time. Just this time hindsight was a wonderful gift. I loved reading those exhilarating moments that reminded me of some of those forgotten things, you know the feelings you have on the lead up to falling in love. The tiny things you notice about another person. It is wonderful.

And now the moment I have been waiting to tell you about, the added material!

You heard that right, Richelle Mead added some more material to the end of the book.

The Turn and the Flame which is the story of how Christian Ozera’s parents were turned into Strigoi. Christian is such a sweet little boy. But even in this story, having read the other books, I find it hard to feel remotely sympathetic towards Tasha. I am a Romitri shipper, what can I say.

From the Journal of Vasilisa Dragomir is a nice insight into Rose and Lissa’s great adventure being runaways. It was nice to find out what happened in their time away, how they settled or unsettled. It was nice to see the recovery from complete grief and heartbreak to some semblance of normal life. It was great to read some of the positive changes in their lives. However risky.

The Meeting … Be still my beating heart. Dimitri… How he saw Rose, it was wonderful seeing their relationship develop through her eyes, but through his… I am now a new level of jealous previously unknown to man.

Hello, My Name Is Rose Hathaway … I loved this adventure. I want to be at the carnival. Like really, really want to be there. Oh and Dimitri breaking the rules! YES!!!! That was some outside the box thinking. I love the way the story gave a bit more of a tease of their relationship and how they felt. Plus of course, when you imagine Danila Koslovsky in his role as Dimitri you can really get a sense of overall hotness.

The Diary of Elliot Parker Part Three is now available  on amazon! Out NOW… here is the UK link https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B075VSBT3Q

Here is the US link https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075VSBT3Q

The Diary of Elliot Parker

.: Entry Ninety :.

My name is Elliot Parker and right now, I don’t know what to say. Well, I do but I don’t.

The thing is, I am foggy about some things and I am clear as day about others and that all comes from taking each day as it comes.

Adrian is inconsistent again, more I have work for you to do but never sends it, then calling to tell me he is trying to pull a few strings for a part time job. I suppose that is why I think I am taking the most relaxed approach to his invite for the couple of days away because I just want to see some follow through and consistency from him. I know it sounds selfish, to want to see some consistency and follow through but I don’t know. I think I am finally taking less of an uncertain approach to the friendship trying to work out how it works or how to make it work, instead I think I have finally become more laid back about it. Like there is less of an emotional risk for me.

I think things are working out for me, overall. I have a job that fits in with my life and I don’t feel like I have to bend over backwards or cut parts of myself away to fit in which is exactly what I wanted. I think that is a great manifestation and I hope the positivity around it continues. So work is good. Getting on with Adrian is good (speak of the devil and he shall text- nothing major he was just checking in).

But I think, I have noticed some distance and a bit of a rift between myself and Clover. We seem to orbit each other less at the moment, I know I have been busy and there is that feeling of distance. It means that when we do talk to each other it’s a lot at once, like cramming in a revision session just before an exam if that makes sense.

So I suppose I have seen proof that things work out for me when I give up the resistance, so hopefully I am less resistant to winning the lottery soon, that would be a great fun experience.

So, Dyl and I are still talking. We are getting on fairly well. I suppose it’s safe to say I could see how easy it could be to develop feelings for him, if that hasn’t already started. I suppose I am being a bit hesitant. I don’t like running the risk of getting hurt. Don’t get me wrong I like taking risks, but I think the last few years of being burned from taking risks and loosing even though the benefits out way the being shot down I guess I got used to the being shot down so often that it made taking a risk a bit more dangerous no matter how I felt. Running the risk of getting hurt stopped mattering until it was someone new I might be taking a risk on, someone I can’t exactly predict.

All I can say is it feels different, sometimes a little like you can just feel how different they are as people. When Dyl kisses you, it’s gentle and soft. I suppose he must watch quite a few movies with romance in or something, the way he just knows how and where to hold you closer. Sometimes it just feels surreal, like the affection is comforting and endless when we were sat talking on the sofa, it was just effortless in a way, the way he held my hand and the flirting. I guess it feel warmer. Like there was less of a barrier between us, less unspoken I suppose. Not like we were repressing what we were thinking or feeling or trying to be in complete control of ourselves.

I hate to do it and I don’t want to, but comparing Dyl to Adrian isn’t going to work when they are very different in many ways, not a bad thing or in any bad way, it just feels like a very bad idea to start running those questions into some air. They don’t need to be asked or answered.

Take each day as it comes remember.

My name is Elliot Parker, sometimes I just wish I could disappear into another less complicated world where I don’t ever need to think.

I am ready for a nap. Just to disappear into another dream. I haven’t dreamed of the room with the books or where it leads for a little while. I haven’t dreamed of anything strange like that for a long old while. I wonder if the room is gone or its just locked to me for a while. Part of me wishes I could find out what is happening to the dream when I am not there, if anything ever happens when I am not there.

I suppose it has been a long old day.

I wonder what I would do if I won the lottery, it’s a nice fantasy, a lovely image. I’d make myself a nice little home probably. Somewhere just right for me, somewhere I can do my thing and not worry about annoying someone else, I could have a purple living room, maybe even consider open plan. Maybe I could do something crazy like have a cool little garden that has herbs like mint and basil and oregano all over the ground instead of grass. A herb turf sounds like more fun than regular old grass… maybe my garden would always smell herby and fresh, might be nice in the summer. It would smell ready for a splash of vodka and lemonade… not that I really drink but it would be a nice idea. And hanging baskets filled with strawberry plants or tomatoes? Something silly like that, an edible garden. Though with a dog I doubt I would want to eat or use the turf but the dog would probably smell good.

The Diary of Elliot Parker Part Three is now available  on amazon! Out NOW… here is the UK link https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B075VSBT3Q

Here is the US link https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075VSBT3Q

The Diary of Elliot Parker

.: Entry Eighty-Nine :.

My name is Elliot Parker and I must admit I wonder if my moral compass might be broken at times.

So I think I mentioned I manifested myself that little old job that was just right and perfect for me. It still is, but here is where things get a bit difficult, I suppose. I developed a few friendships. One of which could have the potential to cause a few issues if we have a disagreement. The thing is it is possible because me being me, I am a reckless little thing and a bit of a risk taker. So I mentioned the friend last time I wrote here. The friend I talked about the idea of the perfect kiss with. I am sure you can guess; this friend is male. I’ve hung out and spent some time with the friend, we chitter chatter almost every day. We seem to get on well, he seems so far, to be a decent guy.

So I mentioned my moral compass, I only bring it up, because I spoke to Adrian yesterday. You see, he has offered to treat me to a couple of days away from things and go get pampered with him. Which is nice, I appreciate his appreciating the work I am doing for him in my free time. I suppose the moral compass comes into because I seem to have been the queen of no man’s land for so long that I wonder if I should find this trip idea strange. After all, when it comes to Adrian and I, hanging out is often something very physical, and to be honest, I kind of don’t want to venture down that physical path again at the moment. I am tired of being the queen of no man’s land when it comes to him, being friends is great, but I just don’t know if the trip would strictly be friends or any attempt at anything more and I should probably talk with him about it.

It’s difficult being in no man’s land. It’s difficult being physical with someone and not quite knowing the boundaries outside of that, like the unspoken type thing? Like yes I know I should be dating, and occasionally I do, I know that I shouldn’t be waiting on or for him. It took a little while to feel ready to move on and forward, it took a little while to feel like I could date someone with actual potential, someone I could genuinely get on with and not be concerned about waiting for someone to wake up and smell the bacon. So being stuck in no man’s land with someone who is a few thousand miles away and with someone I work with is probably giving me a bit of a headache.

So maybe this work friend isn’t just a friend but there’s not the boundary of the committed relationship again, hell when we first started chitchatting (as nothing more than friends) he had someone, they broke up and he was trying to get back with her. So it’s not like either of us set out with the intention of the physical aspect of the friendship. I just guess that without the talk and the boundaries being set or reassessed at any point soon I should just be taking each day as it comes.

Take each day as it comes- a phrase I shouldn’t find so annoying I just like knowing what I am doing and where I am going. It’s just who I am. But I think that is the only way I can take how things are going in no man’s land when it comes to Adrian or Dyl. It’s not like either one wants or has asked for some kind of commitment from me, until then, I am taking each day as it comes. I like them each for different reasons, but none of that really matters.

I wonder whether my friendship with Adrian has reached a point where it feels like its slowly approaching a fork in the road, it feels like, maybe sometime soon, maybe with the trip which may or may not happen (looking at past performance on follow through occasionally might give me a doubt or two)… that trip may well be the point where I have the option of recommitting to a second try or whether its time I set some boundaries for myself and how I feel and direct the friendship through the gates of the eternal friend-zone.

I suppose, none of it really matters, taking each day as it comes means I don’t need to be so concerned about the future and what’s coming and just enjoy the now. The now recently has been good feeling. Feeling good seems to create a bit of an orbit. I hold myself responsible for my own happiness and when I do that I can feel everything working out easily. I know Adrian pipes up more when I am happy. It is really weird. Being happy comes easily recently.

I just feel like everything is changing, I can feel that something amazing and wonderful is coming and I am lucky.

I think, Adrian is just about starting to realise that the passion he has for his career, I have for something in my life that is not yet profitable, but hopefully it will be very soon. Like he doesn’t need to push me to be a career woman because I do have a career, it’s just a case of me being aligned with it being a source of abundance.

I think, in contrast, Dyl just seems to be cool with my career goals. So I am not interested in making it fulltime and forever on my job and pursuing my own passion outside of work. I don’t think that is so bad. I keep being reminded to dream big, it’s nice.

I suppose it’s nice to know that people believe in me and what I do, in whatever way that its shown, my happiness seems to be important and not just to me.

The Diary of Elliot Parker Part Three is now available for pre-order on amazon! Out on the 11th November… here is the UK link https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B075VSBT3Q

Here is the US link https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075VSBT3Q

The 2017 Project

Let’s get caught up… sadly no number 2 this year on my 24/7 goals, NANOWRIMO just cant fit into the schedule.

Still doing my three positive aspects a day. Still apologizing for myself, a lot!

So the 24-7 goals update? I finished knitting the blankets so that is number 12 done!

Now the current in progress goals are well,  8, 10, 14, 17, 22 as well as the ones that take time and progress to achieve for the moment and a little bit of a wait. I think I might have to do the project every year it feels more focused and fun all at once. I like that I don’t feel too much pressure of a New Years resolution and I am still doing it and kept it up so I love it! Who else has kept up their New Years Resolutions?

The 24-7 goals:

1- Write The Diary of Elliot Parker Part 2

2- Do NANOWRIMO

3- Write The Diary of Elliot Parker Part 3?

4- Write the first book of the big project

5- Finish spine tattoo

6- Finish magpie tattoo

7- Finish musical rib tattoo

8- Look for an agent/publisher for the “big” project

9- Learn to drive

10- Learn guitar

11- Finish knitting the cable knit jumper

12- Finish knitting the blankets

13- Improve views on here

14- See a west end show

15- Try and succeed at least three times on the 21 day habit swap

16- Win the lotto jackpot

17- Look for the positives more often

18- Meditate regularly

19- Keep making emotional progress

20- Keep hope and loose more doubt

21- Make posts for here in advanced, consider adding pictures, try to avoid leaving it to the last minute

22- Try to grow my hair long- aim for below the shoulder this year.

23- Become even more open-minded

24- Discover my own special brand of writers magic,

Habit swapping:

Break- Stop apologizing for myself so often. I do it a lot, it is something that really bothers me, mainly because I apologise for things that are completely not my fault and nothing to do with me. I am sick of apologizing for my own existence.

Make- Eat at least one piece of fruit a day. It is supposed to be healthy right?

Make- Write/plot at least an hour each day even on rest days. I have to start getting stricter on myself.

Make- Create and stick to a writing schedule. I have to start being more organised.

Break- Stop being hard on myself, speak kinder words to myself instead. That pretty much explains itself.

Make- A daily list of 3 positive things that I like about my day. Because sometimes it is easy to forget that there were brief sunshine moments.

Make- A daily list of 3 things that I like about myself, physical, non-physical. Because, it can be hard to show yourself some love.

Make- A little notebook of positive aspects, a once a day entry of 10 things that are positive. Literally a list of positive aspects about people, places, things; maybe one day I will post it on here.

That’s all  for now, it might change or grow but other than that, it’s all feeling good!

The Diary of Elliot Parker

.: Entry Eighty-Eight :.

My name is Elliot Parker and I had a rather interesting conversation really. You know when you sort of get all philosophical and “what am I doing with my life” kind of feelings and you wind up having a deep and meaningful conversation.

I mean it started when I starting thinking about how Clover is sort of boy focused 100% that is all that seems to occupy her day mainly, or that is how she makes it seem. It was like one of those thoughts, we all have our obsessions, dreams of what we want in our future. A lot of that has to do with passions, and I suppose I have a passion, a few talents and gifts but my obsession is surely the passion but even then it doesn’t occupy my whole life in its entirety, at least not consciously. I suppose my reading material or what I watch is more in tune with my passion/obsession and there is something I look for in my down time. But even then, it doesn’t feel all-consuming all the time. Like it is ok to think of other stuff, and I suppose I see the struggle Clover has with thinking of other stuff and consistently implementing the changes that she is always saying she wants to make in her life. But my friend made a very valid observation “the heart wants what it wants”. That phrase has been hard to ignore and not think about aside from our conversation.

“The heart wants what it wants” sure that is great and all but what if you don’t know what your heart wants. What if every breath you take you feel different, what if you are in your passions or talents or things you are good at and you just feel different each time because you feel like you are constantly changing and evolving, for the better but still evolving and what you want evolves and changes as you grow. I suppose that is what they mean when they say about being on the leading edge of existence? Maybe I finally reached there and just live happy in a moment regardless of what is manifesting knowing that any remotely negative feeling won’t and can’t last, not really when the wellbeing and joy we have access to is so abundant?

Anyway somehow the conversation became a discussion over fantasy and what happens when you live in a moment. I started to think, like in a story or show or whatever sometimes you just see or read a kiss that seems entirely perfect and sure you want to try it but actually doing it is different because recreating fantasy doesn’t always translate well to reality because you start to over think. They said “life isn’t perfect it is about making and enjoying the most of the imperfections” that really resonated with me. So I asked what their idea of a perfect kiss, and I don’t know what I expected the answer to be but it surprised me. At first there was the reaction of “I don’t know” until it was given a moment of thought and the result was so eloquent. “A passionate one I guess, that comes from her when she is just in love and lust with me and I can feel her feelings through her soft lips, but glue like strength that just comes from her like she never wants that moment to end wherever we are in the world.” I just thought, wow, I had never expected that to be an answer I suppose I expected a scene or scenario or something like that but no, this was an emotionally based response that just catches you in the feels and makes you think, “wow that’s kinda right,” the most perfect comes from knowing how you can just feel that person needs and wants you in their life and for them this moment is just as perfect.

I couldn’t help but remember Adrian and I’s first kiss, it was one of those sort of perfect ones. Where you just needed that kiss and that proximity, and I know I will get that kiss again, that feeling that it is the most perfect thing right in that moment. I guess it’s weird, but I think after hearing the answer I was giving it made that first kiss pale slightly, not because it wasn’t perfect at the time, but that I think now I am a different person and I wondered if I would find the kiss to be just what I needed right now. I get how time changes you, but I know I would probably just be as playful as I am. I know I might possibly be a little bit of an advocate of the kisses that surprise you mid-sentence when you are caught completely off guard, whether or not you initiated it and you forget what you were saying or thinking and the world just dissolves and you might even forget about breathing.

I think a first kiss puts you in a bit of a bubble, but I wonder how many first kisses we forget… like sure we remember the feeling of, but picturing it can be harder. A soft little peck or a full blown kiss, what is it we are more likely to forget. I mean it can be easy to forget some things, but how someone can make you feel is different. You either feel safe with someone or you don’t.

I suppose I am just ready to settle down a bit, even though I am still following dreams like they are the only thing I breath. I still kind of want to settle down a bit, build a few roots while I am pursuing the future.

Looks like learning to love myself is going well huh? I am slowly deciding what it is I want in my life again, for what feels like the millionth time, I am just trying to feel more consistently like an energy match to my desires. Wherever that leads.

The Diary of Elliot Parker Part Three is now available for pre-order on amazon! Out on the 11th November… here is the UK link https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B075VSBT3Q

Here is the US link https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075VSBT3Q