Peedie one is already in 6-9 months clothing, little beansprout keeps growing so quickly. What happened to that tiny little thing that just fit so gently on my shoulder, now there is a heavy little lump digging their chin into my collarbone.
As for sleep. What’s that? Joking aside a little someone has reached mega clinger stage and only wants me. Which is lovely in some ways, frustrating in others.
I make the joke that you loose all your dignity when you have kids, and it’s kind of true. I’m sure all mums know that solo trips to the toilet are a rare occurrence whether the kid can walk and follow you in or has to act like a parrot on your shoulder squalling at you like a little seagull. Except at 5 months you have to multitask a little more and provide some kind of entertainment or distraction to the kiddo even if that means playing a million rounds of peekaboo with a burp cloth.
Real talk. The anxiety is currently worse than normal. But I am not entirely “raw dogging” life as I’d usually call it. I have reached out and got on waiting lists for counselling. I’m beyond my baseline of shitty mental health so I am actively trying to make it more manageable.
That’s the thing though isn’t it? Being disabled, whether its dynamic or not, you’re always having to work out how to make things more manageable day to day.
I’ve had my first part of my assessment discussing the current issues. Things like disassociating and so on and so forth. The next session is my history. I am anxious as it is to do that, not in a good way like jumping at the bit excited to go get it done. Anxious in the dread sense when you visit the toilet something like ten times or more before lunch time. Stuff like that. I am not the first or last to suffer with anxiety, and it appears I’ve had a baseline of it from childhood that is now at a high baseline for what I consider to be “normal” for me (high/severe for a healthy person I suppose but it’s been that level for years.) with the increase I can’t ignore it.
Whether its hormones, having kids, sleep deprivation or a new part of the rollercoaster who knows.
What I do know is, something needs to change with that.
