I can’t put my finger on what it is I’m missing. I know Eddy and Turner were hiding something. I just want to know what. A while after I finally manage to fall asleep I am woken up by some stupid idiot trying to call me, of course in the early hours of the morning who bothers to look at the caller I.D? I couldn’t recognize the voice “I’m tired, I’m so tired of hiding, you’re tired of hiding too. I could see it in your eyes.” Finally the fog lifted “Turner? What the hell? Do you even know what the time is?” He apologized for waking me and asked if we could meet to talk properly. Too tired to pay attention I told him to call me when I was awake and he was sober.
Here is the thing, every night for almost a year now, I have tossed and turned throughout the night, for one reason; the reoccurring nightmare. Every night he is standing in the hall; hurt and angry standing next to the last box of his stuff. Lilly stood beside me, her arm around my shoulder as I tell him to leave, again, that I was never a possession, I was never his possession, that never will be. I can see the hurt transform into rage. Cold, callous, angry screeching rage blaming Lilly for poisoning me, calling me a weak, spineless prude. Berating my values, for putting everyone, family and friends before him. For not sleeping with him. He stood vowing that the next man in my life will be the last, the moment that ring is off my finger; either on the dresser or another mans hand he will be coming back for me.
But that’s not just a dream or a nightmare. Its a memory of my last relationship with Mark. It is what made me get the courage to leave, to leave this house, the past and memories behind.
At about lunch time my phone started to leap into action. True to his word Turner had called back. “Talk damn it” it was Eddy’s voice hissing words at Turner, “whats the worst that could happen” he hissed. Had they actually forgotten I could hear them? “Oh, I don’t know I could go nuts and bite her.” Taking my cue I cleared my throat. “Sorry I got distracted, I just wondered, well, would you like to go for a drink tonight?”
“I’m meeting Lilly at the bar tonight, she’s dragging me to complain, I mean she wants to whinge, I mean sh wants to talk about her lunch date.”
“Oh, no worries maybe another-”
“That wasn’t a no, I mean, I couldn’t stop any knights in shining armour wishing to save me from Lilly’s dating woes, I would be eternally grateful.”
“An eternity is a long time.”
“I am sure I could arrange that. Is the armour compulsory?” I couldn’t help but smile, even while the estate agent showed a weird looking couple around. “Depends if your brave enough?”
By the time I arrived at the bar Lilly had snagged us a booth and a couple of menus. I just counted my blessings that I didn’t have to cook. Lilly is an absolute pain in the ass to cook for, only roasts and very plain, very simple, very dull cooking gets eaten other then that its tantrums and refusing to eat it. Lilly started on a monologue about how frustrating her boss was. Mainly because she wasn’t in his pants yet. Mean while I had begun singing soundtracks to myself, I just sat there nodding as she went on about the boy on front desk flirting with her and she dived into the ever so dull story of her date. Thankfully seconds later I sensed someone standing beside me, “mind if we join you?” Not waiting for an answer he told me to “budge up” I slid over as Turner sat beside me. Lilly reluctantly followed suit for Eddy while she pouted again. “What happened to the armour?”
“It was all tarnished”
“What a shame.” Eddy didn’t seem to be happy sat next to Lilly as she resumed dominating conversation as she complained continuously about her lunch date. Even after food arrived we suffered through the constant drama with no interlude, no break, no pause. Eddy rather foolishly decided to join a side, he was team “poor guy who dated her”, had he been wiser he would have kept it a secret thought. He was never going to be the firs to try shining a light on a different angle causing more frustration. Turner smiled “I see your ring is on the right, you haven’t touched it once. So, what is it you are hiding from?”
“Why are you so curious hmm? It’s just living on the right today, so what is it you are hiding from then?” I held my gaze until he spoke, “you have beautiful eyes” unimpressed I rolled my eyes, “flattery will get you no where.” He took a sip of his drink before we spoke again. “I’m not hiding anymore, I have learned that I can control myself. You surprise me, you see right through me, you call me on it, not many have the guts to do that. I am afraid, of you, that you will see the darkness in me and run away, I don’t want you to run, even though you should, I don’t deserve forgiveness, or reprieve, but I some how just want some kind of acceptance. I have done some truly terrible things, mistakes, but I have changed.” Momentarily petrified yet some how relaxed, I look over at Eddy and Lilly bickering about dating to busy to pay attention. Struggling to read Turner I finally speak, “we all have our demons you know. And hiding behind your mask won’t save you in the end.” He nodded and lent in slowly before kissing me gently. “you do realize I won’t keep calling you Turner?” He smiled, “really?”
“Really, I much prefer Sebastian” I saw him flinch, “at least shorten it to Seb.”
“well I suppose thats better then calling you Bass?” The conversation between Lilly and Eddy had fizzled out as they now started pulling kissing faces at us. After a while I turned to face Seb and spoke quietly. “I suppose, I should be afraid of you, but I’m not. I’m tired of being afraid of shadows. Whatever the secret is, keep it, we all have secrets. At some point we have to face our fears, whatever they are.”
“Hey Demi, their twat of a landlords selling the place out from under them, do you know any flats or anything?”
“I’ll keep an eye out, Lilly you have gravy down your top.” I laughed as she started a whole new drama on gravy.