This time its my nan’s birthday.

Well, there’s a whole bunch of crazy to celebrate. I still can’t believe my nan is as old as she is!

But hey ho, at least she passed the genetics of looking younger than her age down to me! Thanks to you I still don’t use wrinkle creams, actually, I barely do much at all for my appearance oops. A plain one, I am afraid, no make up, just wash my face wack on some coconut oil and off I go. Keep it simple right?

I probably should be honest and warn ya’ll that I have been a bit lazy with my work, not been very productive writing, ooops again.

Not got much to write at the moment, I am on the clock today, rushing around to get things done, but I am aiming to write more and do much more editing, June should hopefully be the next release date for something on amazon so watch this space, hopefully the Coryburn Girls sequel will be ready, edited and out early June, so keep an eye out, I might be releasing some bonus news to the next dose in the series.

This week, we have Charlie’s birthday and my late grandfather.

I think I will start with Charchar’s

Well, what can I say other then Happy Birthday and thank you. Thank you for being such an important part of my life, thank you for fighting for me when I gave up on myself, thank you for being a rock. Thank you for being you.

I really hope that you have an amazing year and know that you are loved, you have fought my corner and I want you to know I appreciate it, very much.

I don’t quite know how much or what to say because it never really shows the truth of how I feel or the sincerity, especially on here. So, Happy Birthday!

 

And for my late Grandfather.

This past year I learned more about you, and its bittersweet. I learned more about you since your passing, but I think I feel even closer to you. I got a tattoo with you in mind, so you are always with me and a part of me, your always there, and a reminder that you are not always seen but never forgotten, you are a significant part of my life.

While I have grieved and learned, you are always a part of me, a part of my life and a part of my heart. We are the sassy, crazy hope, dreamers and creators. I have not lost you, I have found you.  You are by my side and with me whenever I need you.

 

WEEEEEELLLLL it is.

And its my doggies too. We have the same day, he will be three, bless his little cotton socks.

Well, this year has been a struggle, the past year I have lost a relationship, but began to find a real relationship with myself. To start to recover in the healthy way, I sought help for some of my problems and my emotional response has been increasingly healthy. That is great for me. Less great for the people who use me and expect me to remain a doormat to their abusive behaviours. But that is fine, I am now surprising myself a lot more.

My choices are now designed with me in mind, aiming to be happy and to move in the direction I want, forward.

My hopes for this coming year of being 24?

Well, dreams and wishes come true would be nice, because dreams wishes and prayers are the energy I have been putting into the world. I have faith that things will eventually work out.

While I didn’t quite get what I want recently, I am hoping that I really will get what I need and want, a mix of both would be nice. Its been a long hard journey, so I hope that there is a chance that there may be a reprieve and some sunshine in my life, its sure been raining and worse so it would be good?

My hope is that, things will in time work out and be fixed, repaired and improved.

But who knows.

 

Well… I had thought I might not be able to post this week.

I will be honest with you, I have been going through some things recently so I haven’t been quite myself.

Honestly I feel foolish to some degree, I invested everything in one risk in my life and it didn’t go the way that I had hoped. But instead its effects rippled onwards in my life in a very very different way, it inspired my friends to take risks. For that I am infinitely proud of them.

Of course that is not to say that I am not disappointed, because I very much am. I fought for something and someone I believed in, but when it came down to it I was the only one fighting, and it was a loosing battle.

I am confessing this because I don’t want anyone to ever think that a risk isn’t worth taking if the pay off could give you all you have ever wanted. While it may not work, it may not bring you what you want but it might just bring you the confidence to know that you did all that you could, and you took the risk which is a huge achievement, some people never have the chance to take. It might work or it might not. It is never that you weren’t good enough if you don’t get what you want from the risk, its more that the risk you took had a different idea of where you are going in your life. That is totally fine, remember, a risk not taken could become the biggest regret so follow your heart don’t always listen to your head.

Well irregardless that today is April fools, I want to talk about something important.

A year ago tomorrow, my grandfather died. Since then I have been battling a lot more, I feel angrier, more painful.

Truth be told I feel like I have been robbed of so much time with him, getting to know him. I have disconnected from some corners of my life, and yet, I can’t shake this feeling. I feel close to him, without knowing him truly, like I should have.

I have a tattoo in his honor, it is on my wrist, my left wrist, its of a fish-hook. I chose that because he always signed his letters or cards with one, and it is what I know him most affectionately for.

The tattoo has become an attachment, I touch it to reassure myself, to feel closer to him, and to remember that family is so much more than what can be seen.

I wish so much was different about our relationship. But we are and were both incredibly flawed anyway, perhaps we had the perfect one to protect one another, although we always wish there was more.

I have always had him as some symbol of sorts in every story, somewhere buried in the pages. He is kindness, but more than that, he is creativity.

My granddad is where my creativity stems from, it’s not the only source but it is a strong source.

My granddad was a crafter, able to do large clever work and small intricate details.  So, for this weeks blog I wanted to honour him.

I want to honor the family that I have lost, the creativity they encourage, and the inspiration, they were, always have been, and always will be.