Chapter Seven: Petrova
Getting attached is risky I reminded myself. So many times we all learned the hard way. I couldn’t help but feel a jolt of guilt thinking about Ward, how he changed when Kody was “culled”. The system we work in, it’s horrific. Sometimes I wonder if those that make the rules, those that enforce them ever feel guilty. The rules are old world, and this is a new world, ever changing but the traditions of the Touched remain untouched and inherently wrong. Or at least that is my opinion.
I flirted with a fine line that I didn’t know the boundaries of so often that it was a wonder that I hadn’t landed in trouble much sooner. Ward and I weren’t strangers in any way, but emotionally, we kept so distant that there often felt like a gulf, a canyon could be between us no matter how physically close we were at the time. I suppose that is why it felt so different.
It was nice to feel closer to someone, to not have that feeling filter up. Not ignoring how truly intimate we were being. Ymirxi was different, I reminded myself, not that, that wasn’t blindingly obvious. He was flirty and cheeky and so optimistic. Like brightness and light bouncing off of ripples of water cascading through the air.
“Just most things,” I smiled. He returned my smile moving closer, just a fraction. I looked into those brown eyes and just let myself stop thinking for a moment. Just a moment I promised myself. He leaned closer, his face so close to mine, his breath was warm on my cheeks, his hand slipped around my waist. When I kissed him I did something stupid. I let go of being in control of myself, I let go of controlling the feelings filter and how I needed to keep my distance. I let go of being cold. I embraced the warmth of a passionate kiss. Pulling apart for a moment of breath I could feel every inch of my skin burning. It was that burning that woke my muddled brain from its less logical thoughts.
“I, I can’t” I stuttered out the words barely hearing my own voice. The look on Ymirxi’s face, confusion was as clear as day.
“Can’t what?” he asked. Trying to coax me to look at him, it was the first time I was afraid around him, afraid I would lose control.
“I can’t get feelings involved. It would be stupid, you’re an angel for heavens sakes.” I could see him break into a smile from the corner of vision.
“No one said we had to get feelings involved, well, the emotional kind, not if you don’t want to.” His voice was calm and tender.
“I am a deeply flawed human being.” I thought out loud.
“Yeah, well, you’re more than just that you know… You are fun and kind and sweet and so sexy.” He had been stroking the back of my neck with his thumb, so gently it tickled.
“I didn’t know that angels ever thought…” for a moment my mind fogged again thinking about what it might be like to be with him. Continue reading