Darling Daughters

So I know this should be Chapter Fourty-Three right here.

Here is the thing, it exists, it does. So does Chapter Fourty- Four and so does the epilogue. But I am not posting them on here. Sorry. The ending is being saved… So, I know the kindle book is released today and here is the link you need to get it.

 

 

I know it’s kind of a mean thing to do, saving the ending for the book, but, by buying the book, you get the whole thing collectively to read in one place and I get a teeny tiny share of the “profit” from amazon. I know this is a largely free site and I often post books here chapter by chapter and give you the option to buy all the posts/chapters collectively on amazon at the end of the project sometimes with a sneak peak at what is coming soon to the website. But I want you to know, that when you do buy from amazon, I do appreciate it, and truth be told, I get a bit giddy, happy, excited because then I know you really liked it.

I know writing is kind of a weird thing, like, I write and I don’t always get feedback right away. I know I have a couple of well appreciated test readers for major projects. But I would like to have a more interactive experience as a writer, that is why I have linked up my facebook and my twitter, so that there is the option for a wee bit of dialogue.

Writing can be lonely, stressful and at times heartbreaking; but that is not all writing is to me. That is why I post here, it’s why I am still pushing and pursuing The Big Project. It is something I believe in. It is escape and it is freedom and it is home. I want to share the worlds I create that make me happy with others. That is how and why this site exists. That is how and why I write, with not only me and how I feel in mind, but how I want to share these worlds with you.

So I just want to say a huge thank you and hope you will accept my appreciation and gratitude for your reading my website and my books, and buying them too. I want you to know that I greatly appreciate you.

 

 

For those of you wanting to get your hands on the ending… here is the pre-order link for Darling Daughters! Releasing 22nd August 2018

 

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Darling Daughters

Chapter Forty-Two

 

Summer had been avoiding Elizabeth a little bit, Summer had been avoiding everyone. So when she snuck into Grimeston for this year’s winter festival, Cassandra gave her away a bit. She headed straight towards the bakery’s stall for a dose of sugar. Cassandra had fallen in love with Grimeston and its sugary bakery treats that Summer would return to campus with. Cassandra had even found a genuine love for the town.

Summer had agreed to cook the Christmas dinner as long as she had nothing to do with decorating and so on. It hadn’t escaped Simon’s notice when he saw Summer with Cassandra at the bakery stall that she hadn’t brought William with her. He hadn’t returned her call or text so she left things with radio silence.

Summer helped out on the bakery stall while Cassandra walked around the festival, she was quieter than usual. Her smile was half warm when she first arrived to help out. By the end of the evening she had taken on the warm hum of the town, even if a small dark cloud rained over her.

***

Christmas day was hectic, messy, and wonderful. The odd awkward moment. Summer had ignored her phone all day leaving it on her bed at the sixth missed call. She spent most of the day fussing in the kitchen. Cassandra did her best to help, though Simon kept trying to interfere. It was refreshing to finally find something that Cassandra was rubbish at.

Summer had been ignoring her mother’s calls and texts all day, she had been ignoring her since Thanksgiving not wanting anything to do with the sense of betrayal she felt. The one text made her pause, it was from William, Summer was in no mood to read it. It seemed a bit insufficient “sorry hun, been busy, what’s up?”

***

New year had brought the town back into a celebratory mood which had even touched Summer. Cassandra answered Summer’s phone when she was in the shower, it was William, Cassandra had seen enough of Summer moping and told him where they would be for the celebrations. “You better not mess her around again.” In her perfect matter of fact tone that could change the world.

Cassandra put the phone back on the bedside unit and sat nonchalantly on the bed when Summer entered. They got ready for the town’s open party finally building enough layers that kept them warm and looked cute. The plan was to enjoy the bonfire. Which reflected light in all directions, the Christmas decorations, and the gazebo filled with sparkling edible bats and ghosts thanks to Summer and Elizabeth. It infuriated Thomas but the town loved it.

A few minutes to midnight and Elizabeth and Simon had walked off to get hot chocolate talking about the tradition of the midnight kiss. Cassandra had even found herself chatting with Zach, each holding a steaming cup of mulled wine. Summer stood watching the fire when a familiar voice appeared behind her. William was there. Her heart leapt for a moment before she remembered how mad at him she was. She turned and walked towards the manner abandoning the warmth of the bonfire.

“Summer stop! Wait!”

“Why?” Summer hadn’t stopped she carried on walking but her voice carried over her shoulder.

He grabbed her by the wrist, she spun around and tried to wrench herself free. “Stop it, I won’t hurt you.”

“Do you not think maybe you had already?”

“Summer…” he released her wrist, “I didn’t mean it, when I said we should get some space, I didn’t… I thought it was what you wanted, what you needed.”

“I needed you to be there.”

“I wanted to be.” Summer shook her head and turned again, “please Summer. Don’t walk away.”

“Like you did you mean?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” she carried on walking towards the manner. This time he ran after her and came to a slipping stop in front of her.

“Summer” the crowd began the countdown he looked over her shoulder for a second, “Summer I love you.” The crowd reached the end of the countdown and began to shout “Happy New Year” and he kissed her. she fought him away for a moment, still processing what he had just said. When the kiss ended she didn’t want it to stop.

Pulling away again Summer spoke at last, “happy New Year, you jerk.”

“Ouch, happy New Year to you too. Do you want to maybe, go get some hot chocolate and watch the rest of the fireworks?”

“Fine… Yeah, let’s go.” Summer took a deep breath when he took her hand, she still felt unsteady, from her chest radiating from her body. She just felt weak in that moment. “You love me? Did you mean that or…?”

“I mean it; you were right I was acting like a jerk. But so were you.”

“I know, I apologised.”

“I know you did, I just I kept acting like a jerk because it was easier.”

“Easier than what?… Easier than admitting it hurt?”

“Yup.”

“Let’s skip the hot chocolate, let’s go back to the manner, I have a bottle of whiskey we can share.”

“You are definitely the girl who stole my heart.”

“Calm down, it’s just a glass of whiskey.” Her smile turned into that cheeky grin and she sighed as she walked a little way ahead enjoying that moment of feeling in that flirty mood.

 

 

For those of you wanting to get your hands on the ending… here is the pre-order link for Darling Daughters! Releasing 22nd August 2018

The Diary of Elliot Parker

.: Entry One-Hundred and Fifteen :.

My name is Elliot Parker and I just recently decided it’s time to end the negatively impacting cycle that is my relationship with Clover. Things with her have gone from bad to worse and I just can’t keep letting any shred of happiness be continually tainted. I want to protect and increase my happiness. I shouldn’t have to be fighting to stay happy. I have the motivation I needed all along. I want to live my best life. I want to feel my best and feel free and I want to keep the promise to myself that I can do and be anything I want.

I wrote a list recently, a list of all the things I want, all the things I am ready to achieve and move towards. However, that comes about is up to how I allow it into my life. So here is that list again, my motivation.

I want my own home.

(This will take time, I don’t doubt, but I am ready for it, I know what kind of thing I am wanting and what it will be like.)

I want to get better at my hobbies.

(This is the thing that is the most fun. Slowly I am increasing the me time to put into the things I enjoy doing. I am putting the energy into it again like I did when I first started. The energy that when I first began lead to a little bit of an obsession. Having put the thought and the effort in I am now trying to work out when and where I can squeeze some more time out of my day to think about it or do it or work on it. That is the fun part, making that effort in my day to really focus for a moment on what I am doing and achieving day to day, and sure it isn’t always every day because sometimes I get too tired. But I love that I have developed a little more focus, so in time the being better will come effortlessly, it won’t be so hard anymore.)

I want to lose weight easily and effortlessly.

(Well as you saw in my last post that is already happening, a week in and even with the smallest of nothing tweaks to my habits that is happening. I like that I am even starting to get a little more energy as I get used to the small changes.)

I want to learn to drive.

(Well that might take a few years or a lottery win, but I know one day I will do it.)

I want freedom and to enjoy my abundance.

(Well, I am already, for the first month in a while I have a tiny bit of money left at the end of my pay check, which is unusual. But I know as I go into the next few months, it is likely to get a little bit tighter. But that is ok because I have prepared for it and I am ready to move forward and past it.)

I want to write something that really makes a difference on here (or wherever really I guess? All kinds of things could happen).

(So this one is a bit open to interpretation. But I think, even knowing when to end a toxic friendship counts as making a difference, even if it is only to my life. There is no harm in pursuing what makes me happy, there is no harm in writing how I really feel and then working out how to fix something or feel better about it.

I want to keep enjoying a steady income.

(So far so good, I am working consistently even if I don’t always enjoy work, I enjoy this and that is something. The steady income is enabling me to keep my head above water at the moment.)

I want to enjoy my income.

(Well, as part of my diet motivation I set myself some rewards so that is about to become a thing I get a couple of prizes for my diet achievements… and as added motivation I have found a swimsuit I want. I can just about get in it now, I am going to lose some weight so I actually look good in it when I next try it on… next pay check that suit is mine…)

I want to build up my ability to really just create my life effortlessly.

(Well, I’ve created a few good days at work. I’ve created some fun and freedom and some effortless encounters. Some results here and there. Some good time with Dyl and some lovely dinners.)

I want to wear that beautiful blue dress I got in the sale a few years ago that I have never worn.

(Well, there is a fair bit I need to lose to get there but I will I know it won’t be a long weight either.)

I want a family of my own.

(Now is a bit too soon to be working on that one, but I am happily building a steady foundation with Dyl.)

 

Looking at the list like that and seeing where I already am with that is great. I think that although having this motivation is great, I think it is coming to time where I am just so ready to live it and I can’t wait to be enjoy the reality.

As I walk away from Clover something tells me she won’t even notice or care and that is ok, leaving quietly is better than leaving with a bang. I want the best life for her, but I think right now it is important I live the best life I can for myself. I can’t change her and I don’t want to, it’s not my job. My job is my happiness and making my life positive. I have tried making the friendship I had with her more positive but whatever I tried didn’t work so now it’s time to give up on that and invest in the relationships that are willing to grow in positive ways.

 

So The Diary of Elliot Parker will release very soon… so here is the Pre-Order link for Ninety-One to One hundred and Twenty!  Releasing 22nd September 2018

Or if you want the whole collection in one neat and tidy book, here is the Pre-Order link for the Complete Collection! Releasing 13th October 2018

Darling Daughters

Chapter Forty-One

 

Summer and William were a picture of domestic bliss in the kitchen. Summer had been talked into cooking Thanksgiving dinner thanks to Elizabeth who had disappeared into her room to read the last few pages of Archie’s transcript.

Elizabeth was sat on her bed, reading the last words of a letter on the very last page, addressed to her and Summer, the tears landing on the page. Summer knocked on the door to see if she would mind giving a hand, she hadn’t anticipated finding Elizabeth in tears. She took the page Elizabeth had thrust towards her.

Summer read it aloud. “This story, it was never a story, not really. This is the story of your parents. Everyone had kept the truth hidden from you both. I have never agreed with this. This is the honesty that you both deserved. You are certainly not cousins, you are sisters.” Summer’s voice faded as she read the rest of the letter that explained that their parents had engaged in an affair that spread years, up to the point of their father’s death.

“Now I know why mom hated me.”

“Oh Ellie.”

“It was me, it was me the reason they were fighting the day of the crash, it was my fault.”

“It was never your fault. They were full grown adults; they were responsible for their actions. You were a child, you never asked for what happened.”

“It explains why your mom is the way she is.”

“I don’t think so; I suspect she was just born the way she is. The worst part, I don’t even feel surprised that she did that. Nothing she does surprises me anymore.”

“We sure lucked out huh?”

“At least… well… at least we know the truth.” Summer struggled to find the words, she felt herself desperately reaching to be able to say something to make it feel better but that was all that she could come up with.

“Some truth…. I know we’ve joked about being like sisters, but being sisters, this is just weird. They had to hide it, I get that, I mean the stigma and that can’t have been easy. Once is a mistake, but twice. No offence.” Continue reading

The Diary of Elliot Parker

.: Entry One-Hundred and Fourteen :.

My name is Elliot Parker, a week on and I have made some progress. I lost a little bit of weight, a few pounds. Seems insignificant in how much I need to loose, but to me that is massive, its good progress. It is me pushing forward to what I want. That little list of goals.

Great right? I am making progress…  Dyl was so happy for me because it made me happy. But when I told Clover, she went 100% negative, not even a well done. It was a “you’re doing it wrong you’re doing everything really long winded.” Literally I am measuring inches from the waist and my weight. Not my fault if you can’t follow simple numbers or more realistically cheer for your friend when she made progress in the right direction and is achieving what she wants. But no, go ahead and try and make everyone feel like shit and play the no-one has life worse than me or better than me competition in your head love. I am happy. All she had to do was say well done. Instead this was the conversation:

Me: I lost a couple pounds and an inch and a half off my waist.

Clover: I’m sorry

Me: For?

Clover: I don’t work how you do so I haven’t got a clue what you’re on about

(Like simple as it is said)

Me: I lost weight and inches.

Clover: I work it out diff to you so that’s how I don’t have a clue

(Ok so this is where you can tell she’s trying to poop on my parade)

Me: I am literally measuring in pounds (lbs) and inches

Clover: But you’re not meant to. Everyone I spoke have said to me why she doing it that way… you not meant to LOL

(LIKE FUCK BITCH HOW AM I MEANT TO FUCKING TRACK MY DAMN PROGRESS)

Me: So how am I meant to measure it then? I am tracking what I want to lose in pounds because that is what my scales works in. I am keeping track of the inches to know the physical change in what I am losing in my figure.

(Literally why did she even be talking to people about me… why the hell am I still friends with someone who keeps trying to make me constantly feel bad about myself and tries to ruin my happy moods when things are going well by trying to make it less than what it is.)

Clover: Everyone has said that is the long winded way and its normally done in stone and pounds to see what you actually weigh.

Me: There’s 14 pounds to a stone. That is what the scales work in, doesn’t matter if it is long winded I am measuring the change. It’s not long winded if you can follow numbers.

 

To be honest, I know I have said it before, but I don’t see why I bother anymore. She only wants to talk to me when she wants something whether that is attention or validation for her shitty attitude and behaviour. The thing is I notice it so much now, I have been with Dyl for almost a year, and she has tried to poop on every bit of my happiness with her behaviour and is always letting down on plans and everything in general. I know I am not perfect but if someone is happy and it harms no one else why not be welcoming with that positive well done, who does it hurt?

That is the thing though, I have seen what healthy relationships are, with Dyl and Hal. Hal has always beent the healthy supportive friend and I wouldn’t change him for the world best friend and an adopted brother type figure. And Dyl, not only is he my other half he has become one of my best friends too. The thing is, with Hal, we both are wanting the healthy best life for each other. We spur each other on, whether it’s our therapy or courses, or our passions. We have supported each other for years and that is the best kind of friendship. With Dyl, he is just such a positive person, we always try to cheer each other up on low days and we cheer each other on when we have successes. We make time for each other and try our best to communicate and be constructive with each other.

Sometimes I admit, I am not the best at communicating, sometimes I struggle with voicing thoughts but that is something we are working on changing. We work together and try to make things better all the time. We try to encourage the happy relaxed atmosphere between us.

I just wish I could have been able to say the same thing about Clover. Whatever situation she complains about she doesn’t really want an answer or help to fix it she just wants to complain about it for the attention. Anything that doesn’t revolve around her or supports her wants for what life she wants you living to be at her convenience is given a negative taint. I suppose to her I should stay overweight and letting her do what she wants and behave how she likes. I should in her eyes keep letting her treat me as nothing. Let her keep bailing on plans.

That is not the life I want to live. I think it is a shame but I suppose I guess breaking up with friends isn’t easy especially if you can’t be bothered to enter some arena for her to make her look like a victim posting stuff everywhere like a spoiled brat. That’s the thing. I want my life to a degree to be private so why is she telling people about me trying to lose weight or whatever. She bails on plans and won’t even let you know in advance its hours later you get some silly excuse. I know I deserve better.