.: Entry One-Hundred and Fourteen :.
My name is Elliot Parker, a week on and I have made some progress. I lost a little bit of weight, a few pounds. Seems insignificant in how much I need to loose, but to me that is massive, its good progress. It is me pushing forward to what I want. That little list of goals.
Great right? I am making progress… Dyl was so happy for me because it made me happy. But when I told Clover, she went 100% negative, not even a well done. It was a “you’re doing it wrong you’re doing everything really long winded.” Literally I am measuring inches from the waist and my weight. Not my fault if you can’t follow simple numbers or more realistically cheer for your friend when she made progress in the right direction and is achieving what she wants. But no, go ahead and try and make everyone feel like shit and play the no-one has life worse than me or better than me competition in your head love. I am happy. All she had to do was say well done. Instead this was the conversation:
Me: I lost a couple pounds and an inch and a half off my waist.
Clover: I’m sorry
Clover: I don’t work how you do so I haven’t got a clue what you’re on about
(Like simple as it is said)
Me: I lost weight and inches.
Clover: I work it out diff to you so that’s how I don’t have a clue
(Ok so this is where you can tell she’s trying to poop on my parade)
Me: I am literally measuring in pounds (lbs) and inches
Clover: But you’re not meant to. Everyone I spoke have said to me why she doing it that way… you not meant to LOL
(LIKE FUCK BITCH HOW AM I MEANT TO FUCKING TRACK MY DAMN PROGRESS)
Me: So how am I meant to measure it then? I am tracking what I want to lose in pounds because that is what my scales works in. I am keeping track of the inches to know the physical change in what I am losing in my figure.
(Literally why did she even be talking to people about me… why the hell am I still friends with someone who keeps trying to make me constantly feel bad about myself and tries to ruin my happy moods when things are going well by trying to make it less than what it is.)
Clover: Everyone has said that is the long winded way and its normally done in stone and pounds to see what you actually weigh.
Me: There’s 14 pounds to a stone. That is what the scales work in, doesn’t matter if it is long winded I am measuring the change. It’s not long winded if you can follow numbers.
To be honest, I know I have said it before, but I don’t see why I bother anymore. She only wants to talk to me when she wants something whether that is attention or validation for her shitty attitude and behaviour. The thing is I notice it so much now, I have been with Dyl for almost a year, and she has tried to poop on every bit of my happiness with her behaviour and is always letting down on plans and everything in general. I know I am not perfect but if someone is happy and it harms no one else why not be welcoming with that positive well done, who does it hurt?
That is the thing though, I have seen what healthy relationships are, with Dyl and Hal. Hal has always beent the healthy supportive friend and I wouldn’t change him for the world best friend and an adopted brother type figure. And Dyl, not only is he my other half he has become one of my best friends too. The thing is, with Hal, we both are wanting the healthy best life for each other. We spur each other on, whether it’s our therapy or courses, or our passions. We have supported each other for years and that is the best kind of friendship. With Dyl, he is just such a positive person, we always try to cheer each other up on low days and we cheer each other on when we have successes. We make time for each other and try our best to communicate and be constructive with each other.
Sometimes I admit, I am not the best at communicating, sometimes I struggle with voicing thoughts but that is something we are working on changing. We work together and try to make things better all the time. We try to encourage the happy relaxed atmosphere between us.
I just wish I could have been able to say the same thing about Clover. Whatever situation she complains about she doesn’t really want an answer or help to fix it she just wants to complain about it for the attention. Anything that doesn’t revolve around her or supports her wants for what life she wants you living to be at her convenience is given a negative taint. I suppose to her I should stay overweight and letting her do what she wants and behave how she likes. I should in her eyes keep letting her treat me as nothing. Let her keep bailing on plans.
That is not the life I want to live. I think it is a shame but I suppose I guess breaking up with friends isn’t easy especially if you can’t be bothered to enter some arena for her to make her look like a victim posting stuff everywhere like a spoiled brat. That’s the thing. I want my life to a degree to be private so why is she telling people about me trying to lose weight or whatever. She bails on plans and won’t even let you know in advance its hours later you get some silly excuse. I know I deserve better.