Yeah I know! IT is a vicious cycle. But I got myself into it some how. Well of course I did. I started to question the motivation for me learning guitar. And I discovered a small dark tiny corner of reasoning that blossomed and grew under my observation. By learning guitar I would be keeping busy. Working hard and focusing on something else. Something out side of the stories I write and worlds I create. A way to try to stem the over thinking by changing my focus.
Focus. That is really what it comes down to.
It is easy to focus on something good or bad with enough attention it will gain momentum. That is something I want to prevent. Negative momentum. I am certain I am not the only one. But I am certain that it is pretty hard to be positive all of the damn time. We all get into our own vicious cycles. Dreams, day dreams, thoughts and words.
I remember seeing something a while ago. Be careful about what you think about, your thoughts become words. Words become actions. Actions become character.
Well that can either teach you kindness or cautiousness.
I keep telling myself that if I want to be happy then I should focus on what makes me happy. But I am sure I am not the only one out there that thinks that, that can sometimes be the hardest thing to achieve.
I didn’t expect positive thinking to feel so overwhelming and hard at first. I can’t be the only one. So I thought about what if I try to break it down into more manageable chunks like I do when I am story writing.
What is the major problem I face when I over think?
Well, it’s not very nice. It makes me feel quite insecure because the spiral is not always one that feels great. It can drain energy from me like a dementor drains happiness.
Over thinking, well, it happens to the best of us, often late at night. So can I train these misguided thoughts?
I want to say yes, because I want to believe that I can. It shouldn’t be too hard to be able to train my thoughts, if I can train a dog I can train my thoughts. If I can train a dragon… Well obviously I am a fantasy writer.
And that is step one for me, no not being a fantasy writer, but believing that I can do it. Each little step at a time.