Well it is my birthday. And it is a real question.
Did I get wiser since last year?
Well I have healed my belly button piercing at last! After all the issues with it getting knocked then trying to swallow the bar… was very grim there for a while. But it is at last healed!
Oh yeah I have more ink.
Down to one dog. my old boy went to sleep for good last winter. Bless his old soul. Such a wonderful boy, taught me so much about being happy and goofy. And with my spotty little hyper git snoozing by my feet at the moment just waiting to mess around I have learned true unconditional love. And happiness. He is such a joy, I am blessed to still have him. Both sadness and joy in a few sentences but filled with love and affection.
Well I got an apprenticeship and learned what I do and don’t want to do with my life. I am happier for that understanding of self and my nature which I better understand and appreciate. I am less willing to try and fit in some kind of box.
My rebellious spirit is back. Back to being a fiery blaze of energy. I am even learning to focus better. I cant wait to see what I learn in the coming year.
As I mentioned before, I have quite an excited grounding level of energy. I am very much more positively looking at the now and the future. I wouldn’t say that I haven’t struggled but I am facing the struggle in a stronger way from a positive source of energy…
I hope this learning guitar continues on. I like creative energy and the freedom that comes with doing what I want.
As I am sure you have noticed, I do like to test and torture my characters a bit and see what they are made of..
I wonder what more I will write this year?
As you probably know I am still hunting for a literary agent/publisher for some other work that I have done.
I am also getting quite excited for summer even though that means my eyes will be a bit more sensitive to sunlight and I will probably have a bit of a migraine a lot of the time. But for me this summer coming represents freedom for creativity. I discovered the year just passed that the creative time is something I really cannot sacrifice, simply for the sake of my happiness. I am very much a head in the clouds dreamer and learning a business approach to life is both a good and bad thing. But hey I am hoping to use the lessons I have learned.
Not long now until that freedom for creativity will begin.
I have spent the year effectively and essentially single. Though it has done me no harm so thumbs up there. Although I have learned so much from being single. I don’t think my motivations, my energies and my pursuit of positiveness and happiness would have been as effective if that was not the case. This year was the year I rebuilt myself.
I hadn’t realised just how broken hearted I was, or that loving someone who broke your heart, how still loving that person and knowing that the person you have become from loving someone who caused so much pain changes you. So to clarify, yes I still love that person. But the pain of heartbreak is subsiding. It would never be like it was, because I can’t be who I was.
I know now, that the person I have become I owe to them, good and bad, but still with love. But now? What does the future hold for that avenue? I can’t say I know the answer (I do know my answer), but I do know “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.” I do dwell on dreams, because I write them, I write the stories of dragons and bizarre creatures and strange people. I do that. But I now know better than to dwell on something out of my control.
My focus for sometime has been adjusted, I have developed mantras for myself, calming and soothing words that propel me forward onto what it is I need to focus upon, everything but that. I cant focus on the love, or the faded pain of heartbreak or what I wish I could change or could have changed. The focus I am trying to change is an alteration of my vibration. That is not to say, that if things changed, if a chance or opportunity should arise, that is to say, should the question be asked, the answer may not, most likely will not be no. (No wonder I cannot be read like I can read another.) I can’t change the past, but the future, that is still such a wonderful opportunity. Not everything is as doomed as some would have you believe. But it never means it would be the same. People do change. I hope I have changed for the better? The positivity that I am trying to bring, the change in vibration, in what I want to attract into my life and dreams and chances, there is so much excitement for a wind of chance.
I sound so hippy right? I should add in an extra “who knows what the future holds?”
But it is true. Since my last birthday: I got an apprenticeship, I learned the value of focusing thoughts and positive thinking, I focused my writing, my attention altered. And now? So have my friendships, my goals and my perspectives. I am more focused on writing and making it a very key feature in my life. I am certainly less love interest orientated. My mantras that I mentioned I picked up from listening to Abraham Hicks occasionally. They are: I am worthy, everything is always working out for me, I am happy that… I am grateful for… It feels good that…
It seems simple doesn’t it? It is something I am still working on one step at a time. I am sure that this is not the last time I will write about the whole notion of positive thinking. It is bloody hard, but when it works it feels good. When things just feel magical and right and natural it feels good.
I don’t mean to talk in riddles. I am just reflective in a non linear fashion.
I have probably spoken a little too much, and revealed a little too much of the private side to myself, the part that stays part of hushed conversations between my best friend and myself over a drink and a chat. Perhaps that is both a good and bad thing.
Anyway. I just want to say thank you for your support and continued reading.
May luck and adventure be on your side!
ARA x x x