.: Entry Ten :.
My name is Elliot Parker.
And I asked Stan a dangerous question. I asked him the title of the movie I was watching, “Ask Me Anything”. And he did. I bet there are a thousand questions that could have been asked. What is your favourite food? What is the name of your ex? What is the name of the person you love? Who do you fancy? Who is your celebrity crush? Who is your hero? Are you a hero or a villain? Have you ever been in love? Do you believe in true love? Does Clover really still live with her ex?
Do you know what he asked? What he really wanted to know?
“What size bra do you wear?” OF ALL THE QUESTIONS HE COULD HAVE ASKED!?
Seriously? Seriously? That is what he wanted to know? What is it with guys and boobs? Like really, you didn’t try to look sneakily when you were at work? It is a question you already know, I have big boobs, and what? I might not walk around in low cut tops and stuff but boobs can be pretty damn hard to hide. Trust me.
So is that really the biggest question guys have when they talk to a girl? Oh well. That is just… Maybe it is a good thing Clover has Stan on her hit list.
My name is Elliot Parker. No one really knows who I am.
Sure it sounds like something a rather melodramatic teenager might say. But I haven’t really mentioned the truth of what’s been going on with anyone. What do I say? “There is something weird going on and I don’t know what to do about it.” Like I could even begin to explain, I don’t always understand it. Being able to know things that I shouldn’t, being able to predict something. How the hell do I explain that I can just tell these things?
Sometimes I show it. I don’t always mean to. It’s no more than a glimpse really. That’s fine. A glimpse and only an eyebrow is raised. But doing it intentionally? I don’t want to, to summon the energy of that knowing.
How do I say, “there is something weird going on and I don’t know if I really understand it”?
I can’t. I just have to, figure it out myself.
Part of me, it has this strange wish to talk to him about it, he who should not be named. I know what he would probably tell me. “That’s not possible” I can almost hear it; he would think I had lost my mind. Sometimes, I really do worry that I have lost my mind, or that losing my mind could be a strong possibility. Perhaps I already have lost it? But somehow, no matter what I was feeling, I felt safe around him. Even if he made my heart race behind its bone cage. But that wouldn’t be the only thing that he would say. Some of it, he wouldn’t even have to say out loud. I could read it all in those beautiful brown eyes that rival a sunset. He has never been able to admit it, but he knows I read him like a book, better than a book. He hates that he can’t read me, that he doesn’t know how to read me. But not many people even know where to start. I love reading him like a book. It is one of those things that I don’t even have to see him, talk to him, text him for. Somehow I just know. I always know.
You can’t tell me that being able to do that isn’t strange? It feels like no matter what frequency I am tuned into; I can still hear him.
I am a deliberate creator, and somehow I manifested him into my life. That’s when I didn’t understand this at all, I mean I sort of have a grasp of the basics now, and I am better and more deliberate. But that didn’t stop me from losing him. But then again, I know that if I can be really clear and intentional and don’t mix up my energy too much, the manifestation that he is can walk right back into my life and have something stronger and healthier. I am a deliberate creator. I know that this is possible.
I just know that I have to be clear and certain of my own energy and momentum. But I am getting there.
I used to wander, how can I dream about someone I have never met? Now I wander, how did I meet that someone that was in all the best dreams?
But there is the other half of the coin, my nightmares aren’t events from the future. My nightmares grow from the weeds of my past. And while I still have that nightmare of losing he who should not be named. I know that those nightmares cause the focus of my own energy to fog and mix.
But, what is lost can be found.
My name is Elliot Parker; I believe that I can get more control of my own energy.
This is my new theory: if I can raise and accelerate other people’s energy quickly, I can replicate that for my own energy. I can raise and accelerate my own energy.
If a car is going 5mph and crashes into a tree, the damage, is not so bad. If a car is going 100mph and crashes into a tree… well that makes perfect sense doesn’t it. That’s what happened before. My energy was so strong and at such a high speed that the last time I crashed, the pain was unbearable. My energy plummeted to below nothing. Once I came out of the crater of rock bottom that is where the fun began. Well no, it wasn’t fun. It was painful and hard. Until, I learned that it could be easier. It got easier. They say it gets easier, it’s not a total lie. I promise.
The pre-order link is available now… Due to release 14th January!