.: Entry Twelve :.
My name is Elliot Parker.
Welcome to my world. Well… Welcome to the world as I know it.
Strange things happen to me, or perhaps I am the strange thing that happens. I can’t always tell. What did I create when I did not choose as deliberately as I should? I made a bet with myself a short while ago. I made a bet that Clover would mess things up with Stan. I was pretty much right. She took a lot of offence to something incredibly minor. I mean seriously minor.
We all went out for a group outing so that Clover and Stan could officially meet. I will be honest, I had tonnes of fun, that was what I wanted so that is what I got. But hey I am a deliberate creator. So as I was saying; Clover and Stan. Oh my, was that awkward. They had wanted to see a movie so we all kind of got dragged along. They sat next to each other. But before we even got to that point things started to go downhill. Stan paid for Clover’s ticket and she had asked him not to, that she wanted to do it. Well apparently that really annoyed her. But when you look for a reason or an excuse you will find one, right?
Well, here is where it got a bit amusing, for me, kind of, without meaning to sound very mean. So there we are sat watching this movie, which wasn’t as bad as I had expected it to be. So there we are sat snacking on over-priced cinema stuff, there sits Clover with a ridiculous size box of popcorn and Stan sat with a slushy and huge bag of chocolate. I’m sat with the others acting as the bumper between them and Stan and Clover having their “first meeting”. So the movie goes on the two seem to be doing ok. I mean Clover seems a bit chilly and Stan well nervous. That’s when the first gut thought hit, well more a bet that I was going to make with myself. “I bet that Clover is going to start treating Stan like crap, I bet that they are definitely going nowhere and will not work out.”
Harsh but true.
The movie gets going with higher stakes just arriving at the climax and there is a sudden movement in my periphery. Stan has taken hold of Clover’s popcorn and is throwing up, like, seriously throwing up as though he was a fountain.
The smell was noxious. I can’t stand the smell, but rather than offer complete sympathy, I am stifling a laugh. Mainly because what the hell am I supposed to do? I mean, this is awkward. Seriously, severely, awkward.
Well, he slid out the movie unaccompanied with his popcorn box. There Clover sat with a face somewhere between resisting laughing and complete fuming anger. I didn’t have a clue what to say, or do. The both of them wanted this meeting; they wanted to go out as a group. Clover was meant to organise it but left everything to the very last minute so I had to finalise everything. Am I really expected to go check if he’s ok?
It is Clover’s thing. I am not the one who is supposed to be going to check on her sort of date.
My name is Elliot Parker. It is time Clover stepped up and took responsibility.
There I said it. She needs to take responsibility. But there she sits. Well, I am certain that there will be no lasting relationship like he hoped. Mind you, he is a jumper, he wants a relationship confirmed before the foundations are set and laid. It made sense to me when he told me he has lots of what could be called month long relationships that never go anywhere. Of course, he jumps in before he knows who or what he is jumping into or with. The folly of still being and acting childish.
Though I can’t talk. The last relationship I had, we talked, we met, in under a month of our first hello we confirmed out exclusive relationship. To be fair, in that relationship I ended up falling in love, completely. The potential, the flaws, he just, he somehow stole all my sensibility. But I would hope that falling that deep happens to everyone, but the hurt that comes if it ends badly, it is almost unbearable.
A year. It was 365 days of a roller-coaster; and then about 40 days of complete, plummeting free fall. Then of course you crash into the ground so hard you can almost feel the molten rock burning your every single cell. Prying yourself from that kind of hurt and pain, it takes time, it takes strength and determination to feel right, to feel good again, even though at that point it feels impossible. That’s when you could say I first began to learn about surviving and about deliberate creation. That is not what I understood it to be at the time, that is not what it felt like at first. It felt like a lot of little requests, small alterations in energy. The results of the requests. They sort of grew a bit and so did the confirmation that I received from my asking.
It took some time, some understanding, some guess work as to what I was doing. Other than fumbling in the dark for the light. Eventually my asking transformed a little each time so that rather than requesting what I wanted; it became, albeit slowly, less of a request and more a statement of knowing. Each day. Moment by moment, I reminded myself what that my statement of knowing that I had begun to start my day with was going to happen.
It is funny. My first statement of knowing came from my friend’s baby’s talking toy. How perfectly simple. That first phrase? “Today is going to be a great day.”
My name is Elliot Parker, and today is going to be a great day.
The pre-order link is available now… Due to release 14th January!