.: Entry Twenty-Three :.
My name is Elliot Parker.
It’s been roughly a week since I lost my best friend. Oddly, I have found more peace and productivity than I thought I would have.
I have found that the respite of not having to hear someone go on about such a negative energy so often for so long has helped me feel peace. Without having to be constantly accessible for someone to complain and endure the energy drain of constantly trying to make someone feel better.
Well that’s the thing while I have had this peace it seems someone else is suffering the Clover that I know. A mutual friend of ours, Naomi sent me a message a few days after the rift formed. She said that Clover was driving her mad. Naomi had some pretty serious stuff going on with her lately, a break up being a large portion of the stress, Naomi just wanted to talk for a few minutes about things going on with her. What did Clover do? Repeatedly change the topic to one of the boys talking to her. I couldn’t help but feel for her, she wasn’t used to it on that scale. That and the social media overload of “happy” status’.
Apparently the reality doesn’t match that, it is over compensating. Or so I keep being informed.
She told another mutual friend that she had decided to see how things play out with that poster child boy. Well, that’s her choice. She has chosen to pursue him (and a few other boys but they have nothing to do with this) rather than try to mend the friendship. So, I had to make a decision. I have decided that given her choice to make no efforts to mend the friendship and hedge her bets on boys that no matter what the outcome of her relationship the friendship is over. Completely. No reconciliation. That’s it, done.
Unfriended for life.
My name is Elliot Parker; I have decided to pursue my happiness without feeling guilty. After all, guilt is a debt that has already been paid.
Another thing I have neglected to mention recently; well, ok so you know I recently admitted I have feelings for Jonas, after a few months of being in denial, now I am less in denial. I hadn’t spoken to him in a couple of weeks, mainly because he has a lack of wifi and is working ridiculous hours at the moment. (Yes I am getting to the point, I swear.)
So yesterday I went out for a drink with a friend who kept telling me I had feelings for Jonas during my giant denial phase, so chatting away filling him in with all the Clover drama and all the fun stuff. So he was asking me about Jonas trying to get a measure of my feelings, well it was interesting. He seems to consider himself some kind of scientist on the matter. He decided to test my pupil response to a few names. He started with Clover, not much response. My ex, a small response, according to him I must have some feelings for him still. Jonas’ name, apparently the difference was “significant” but he could have been pulling my leg. I found it mildly interesting and funny. So yes, my friend decided to test me, and according to him I really like Jonas. I just hope I don’t lose this friend to Clover, we’ve been friends for so long, so I call dibs. But that is not the point.
But funnily enough, after I got home I received a message from Jonas. After so long of quiet it is safe to say, I was very excited. Can you blame me? He has been working so hard, but the bit that got me giddy was that he missed chatting with me. That and the “xxx” at the end. Silly huh? But the thing is, it felt like a great manifestation. That it is ok to talk openly about things that I want or want to consider. Sometimes, I forget that I am a deliberate creator. Sometimes I forget I am in control of my universe and what I bring attention to, what it is I want in my life.
So I manifested Jonas’ message last night.
I manifested the now permanent rift with Clover. I wanted peace and quiet and less boy drama in my life. And now I am able to relax and not feel like I am compromising my happiness constantly by trying to make someone else feel better about themselves because they don’t understand that they are attracting it. I am ready to attract healthy friendships. I am ready to attract a healthy relationship. I am ready to attract all that I want, and achieve all that I want. It is going to be fun, free and easy.
Everything is always working out for me.
My name is Elliot Parker. I have invested in some more books to read- so I will be insanely happy. I have discovered a new series to watch, which it turns out was originally a book, so of course logic states that I should get the books, read the books and be super happy I have the books. My to-read list seems to keep growing.
I feel like right now a short rampage is in order.
Everything is always working out for me. There is a fountain of abundance in my life and I am riding the waves of knowing. I know that all that I want and need and desire is coming to me. I know that I am a deliberate creator. I know there is magic in this world. I know there is magic in dreams. I know that nothing is impossible. I know that it is good to be happy and put happiness first. I know that it is good to make yourself happy by following an impulse that feels good. I love knowing that there is always a better feeling thought in reach.
I know that everything will work out.
Regardless of the rift I know that eventually Clover will sort herself out and have a happy life, if she lets herself.
The pre-order link is available now… Due to release 14th January!