.: Entry Fourteen :.
My name is Elliot Parker.
I have already confessed to too much, revealed too much. I have mentioned thoughts and feelings that my friends, they don’t even know about.
I have another confession to make. Though I am sure you already know. I hate to admit it, but I resent Clover, a lot sometimes. I know I get jealous that she gets what she wants, the guys she wants, the guys she doesn’t want. They all chase after her. But that isn’t all that I resent.
She has an obsession with boys. Attention from boys and the distinct lack of attention from one in particular and not Stan.
From what I can tell, the two barely talk now. They have gone from constantly messaging to a message drought. Which does annoy me if I am honest. She made him her mission and now she has dropped him like a hot potato, to prove she can do it again. With disregard for how anyone else feels. That is so frustrating. She could achieve so much more if she shifted her focus from boys onto something productive. And I am not just saying that because that is what happened to me. Because when I changed, when I learned about deliberate creation I didn’t know there was no back button, I didn’t know I could never go back to being how I was because I knew too much. No one warned me. But when I shifted my focus from my pain and darkness onto something the opposite, onto my happiness and light and my wellbeing the world evolved so much faster around me.
What I thought about changed, it was less 99% focused on pain 1% on the things that made me feel better; the balance shifted. The pain ebbed away the more the things that made me feel better became more important. And sure the cause of it circled back into my orbit but it has less of a devastating effect. This week proved that. Something that before I understood deliberate creation and became a lot happier and healthier, something that would have floored me and made me miserable didn’t hurt that bad. Instead this time it was faint disappointment that quickly faded into a shift into focus on something that I had less resistance over. My latent vibration that I hadn’t notice had less momentum. Sure it was still there and that is why my energy manifested that experience. It is just that now; I don’t hang out on that energy as much anymore.
If I can do a U-turn and feel this much better even if what comes into the experience, I am having isn’t what I wanted. I know how to clear up that energy.
That is the thing, seeing Clover repeating the same mistakes, and seeing her create all the negativity and drama and things that distract her from her purpose in life… it frustrates me.
When you see so much potential go to waste.
That’s now what I understand that I was over a year and a bit ago, I was potential going to waste because my attention was not on something that gave me unconditional love and joy.
Sure that is easy to say? No it is hard. It is so hard to admit she makes my energy cloudy. That clouding of energy wants to pull me back into unsteadiness because maybe life was easier in a way not knowing that I was a deliberate creator. It was easier to deal with things as they happen.
But now? Now I deal with things before they happen. I bring things into my experience with purpose, with reason. I can change my life in tiny increments or big giant leaps. Looking from where I was to where I am I can’t truly express just how much relief and appreciation I have for what I know now.
I tried to show Clover a bit of what deliberate creation is, or at least I tried to explain it a bit to her. Do you know what she did? She used it as a way to obsess and then justify her obsession by seeing signs because that is what she wanted to see signs and justification for what she wanted. Not once has she actually tried to go after and hunt down what she wanted. Which let’s face it, I would have done before I learned about deliberate creation and who and what I am.
Sure at first I didn’t understand the energy I was tuning into, that I was reading. That proved my point, the energy I found myself requesting wielded the results I needed to see, I needed to know I was on the right path. I know it sounds so strange, but I can’t think of a better way of explaining it.
I want to clean up my energy, I keep doing so well and cleaning it up but there’s this small muddy part of my vibration that keeps attracting Clover. Clover causes so much tension; so much frustration over nothing. She just talks and talks about these obsessions. About things that really don’t serve her or help her get what she really wants.
I just want a nice, peaceful, frustration free experience. But I suppose I should reassure you that the contrast is good, it helps clarify what it is you want. That is what I am working on more and more.
My name is Elliot Parker, I am an ever improving deliberate creator.
I know that things will get better and change in the friendship between Clover and myself.
My name is Elliot Parker and I know that everything that I want is always working out for me. Everything that I want to manifest is on its way to me because I understand what it is that I am doing. Because I understand what it is I am asking and requesting from my experience, because I know that it will come about. I know things will keep improving in all energies that I hold. I keep getting better and I can’t wait to have that secret dream again.
The pre-order link is available now… Due to release 14th January!
A R Appleby 