.: Entry Sixty-Six :.
My name is Elliot Parker.
Today I had a chat with Adrian, he invited me to come out there to see him. I know it’s not the first time he suggested it and I do kinda like the idea. Ok I like the idea. I think that now I know some of the other people I care about’s opinions on it in my life, I put resistance in my path. I guess that now I am ready to embrace and enjoy life, so ready that this opportunity came around. My only resistance now is that my finances wouldn’t like it. When I told him that the finances aren’t do able right now he said he would pay for it. Like the road blocks, what should be resistant just got picked up and taken out of the picture. He is being so sweet and so generous, it is so lovely of him to offer.
I like that my resistance gets picked up, acknowledged, transformed and changes into the best allowing. It’s fun.
I want to go see him, I don’t want to travel particularly but I do want to see him. I want to spend time with him. The thing is, he doesn’t want me to do anything to earn my keep so to speak. It’s really cool. So hopefully sometime very soon I will be seeing him. I would like to see what staying in his company for a week would be like in this situation.
Here’s something else, the realists, the doomsday bringers will poke holes and bring down my energy and bring in resistance. But I know their opinion doesn’t really matter, so I feel like even with a ten-minute blast of negativity from my family member that made me feel so not good enough, so not enough, so negative and resistant. It has been five minutes and I am rising back to the hopeful and excitable energy I had before.
That’s the thing, the family doesn’t like Adrian for whatever point scoring reasons my mother imagined in her imaginary competition in her head to make him the villain and sabotage. But me, I look at Adrian and I know I love him. He is the kindest, sweetest, funniest, nerdiest guy I have ever loved in my life. The true love thing right? That wonderful unconditional love.
I love the getting better to feeling good sensation. I love being able to change my feelings by choosing my thoughts with more care. It feels nice to be in control of my feelings, or should I say being in control of the direction of my feelings.
I think the idea of the finances being in the way is just something easily over looked, so I suppose that is just the universes way of saying don’t worry about it. I like the universe telling me not to worry it feels like I get to enjoy the whole not needing to do anything. The whole feeling that it doesn’t matter because if it is what I want that it will work out.
I enjoyed the chat with Adrian, the offer aside, it was good to talk. The kind of talk where it all feels natural, familiar. It was nice to chatter away and just laugh with each other.
Last entry was full of appreciation and knowing “before the fact”. This entry is like a result of that, I suppose. Being happy with the knowing, being appreciative of the knowing and feeling at ease with it. That brings things into my life in the most perfect way, the fun manifestation of it. I know to some people it sounds like I am crazy or there is so much wishful thinking, but I guess that is what it looks like to others who aren’t in tune with how they feel.
Sometimes I wonder what it is like to go back in time and feel things for the first time, how it had so much intensity. But I don’t need to because I think I am just realising I still feel intensely if I listen to it, but I don’t have to be a slave to the emotion. I like not being a slave to the emotion, not being dictated by it. I guess I just enjoy the whole process of being a feeler and a dreamer. I get to change everything in my life by feel and the concern or watching of what is in regards to my finances I know is pointless because there is a constant abundance flowing to me if I allow it. All I have to do is choose to allow myself to feel and experience life. The finances will take care of themselves.
I am so appreciative of the knowing that is in my life, the clarity. It is such a wonderful feeling to begin taking control over my experience again and allowing good and wonderful things into my life. Allowing those steps forward in the direction of what I want.
My name is Elliot Parker, I know I am a deliberate creator and it is pure ecstasy choosing my experience.
I love this soothing feeling, like what I want is coming to me.
An experience that is wonderful and slightly terrifying because it is feeling huge and unknown is asking to be allowed into my experience. The terrifying-ness is short lived, because I know that I can self sooth the resistance it symbolises away. It may be unknown to me, the country, the customs and the people, but I get to explore that and be an adventurer. I get to see Adrian in a new way, in the same time zone again. I get to enjoy it and have fun and relax and get away from whatever resistance I might have built up in my experience. I think some really amazing changes are about to happen and this is the first nod to my new energy of knowing and appreciation and allowing in my ready-ness to choose the experience in life I want to have.