The Diary of Elliot Parker

.: Entry Eighty-Seven :.

My name is Elliot Parker; I am ready to start loving myself. I am ready to be ok with being this awesome version of myself. If I am honest, I am wanting to rampage a little, to just bask in the feeling of becoming a happier, brighter, stronger person. I am ready to just enjoy me. A little self-love isn’t a bad thing. A little self-care isn’t a bad thing. Some girls go get their nails and hair done. Some find a way to accept themselves as they are. There are so many ways to love yourself from what you eat to what you wear.

Sometimes, for me it just takes a song to start the process, to start that feeling where your body just feels alive. Where you can just feel yourself raising your energy, just being consumed with something that speaks to your soul. When there is so much that you want to be. When there is this image in your head of who you want to be.

So who do I secretly want to be? The girl that gets what she wants. Unlimited. I want to be unlimited entirely. I want to be that girl who breaks the chains that bind her to where she is and just soar. I want to defy the gravity around me. I want to join the birds and be able to just ride the winds. Like that feeling sat in a park, when the sun is starting to set and the birds are flying through the air and you just have to sit and watch them. Just look upon the freedom they have and loose jealousy and let it turn into this complete admiration. Let that admiration turn to freedom. I want the freedom, I have the freedom, I can choose it at every chance and instead I am realise I had been choosing the chains.

I am free, I am so close to soaring, I can almost taste it. I can taste the chill of the air. I can feel the flooding in my lungs of the air I breath being that bit brighter and cooler and lighter and just pulling me up to be this other part of myself. I release my resistance to enjoying the truth of my new games that I am loving myself when I give myself the praise I crave. I need no longer rely on others opinions of me I am whole as I am.

Another of my little self-love training games, is as I am walking about my day, as I am doing something I begin to think and play a game. Top to toe I list every part of my body and praise its traits, like for example, my hair is awesome, I love how strong and supple it is, I love how it curls on its own, I love how easy it is to look after, I love how sexy and playful it is… that game goes on, and if I am interrupted I pick up where I left off. I am really enjoying this new game. It’s a great, fun game. I am going to add a new game very soon; all the things I love about myself in the non-physical orientation. A little self-love is going a long, long way. I feel like I am doing better at loving myself than I have ever before. I am applying my lessons and games; I am applying my knowledge bit by bit. Sound silly I know, sounds simple, like child’s play, but I think we forget a lot as we become adults. I think as adults we can sometimes forget that being happy is important.

Being an adult is just one of those things that we wished time away for and now we know what being an adult is like we want to go back, I suppose it’s how we forget its ok to have fun and happiness in the now. Like being able to have fun and be silly and be happy is wrong because as an adult all these expectations are placed on our shoulders and we don’t know how to balance fun with this professional life we are meant to have. The lives that we are told that we want. The existences we are told we should be striving for; power we should be striving to gain.

I call bullshit. The only thing we need to do is be able to still allow happiness in our lives in small insignificant moments without this voice in our heads demanding complete professionalism. Professionalism, the bane of adult existence, it is not a thing we are born knowing, it is something that we are taught to be, appropriate. Our behaviour is measured to be appropriate from a small age, so that we can conform and walk a well-trodden path. That is something strange, those that carve themselves a new path are called trail blazers for a reason. Made special or unattainable, made right or wrong by consensus. But those making the consensus don’t always want to acknowledge they could be pursuing their truth without looking back, without being afraid of the consequences of being different. It astounds me sometimes how many people choose misery. When choosing bliss and happiness is just as simple. It is just changing one thought for a better feeling thought and chasing the path of what feels good.

I’m not saying go on a killing spree because it feels good. I am saying choosing a good feeling thought that makes you feel better and going on from there just keep choosing that good feeling.

It sounds so simple? Because it is. It takes some practice, but practicing is fun. Practicing needn’t be work.

I suppose with my new games; I am hoping this self-love relationship with myself is going to work out right. I will be free from self-sabotage because I won’t doubt that I am worthy or good enough. I am good enough. I can do anything because…

My name is Elliot Parker and I am a deliberate creator and I am always getting better!

The Diary of Elliot Parker Part Three is now available for pre-order on amazon! Out on the 11th November… here is the UK link

Here is the US link

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