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The First Week in Photos

Posted on by April-Rose Appleby

So I will keep this brief. It was a very exciting first week, and we took a fair few photos of various sceneries we came across.

Though I would like it noted, it is cold and windy but the beauty utterly makes up for it. The very first week is best described as one of those times where you spend far too much time pinching yourself to see if you’re dreaming.

A long move, stressful without a doubt, with so many unusual obstacles, but it has been so worth it.

I’ll just photo dump below because all of these were taken the very first week, mainly around Kirkwall and also on a little outing visiting the ring of Brodgar and the Broch of Gurness where the sea was absolutely captivating and not the weird brown colour that you get down south. Oh and I couldn’t not include the amazing chocolate cheesecake from Lucanos in the picture dump because it was the best cheesecake.

Screenshot

And I would move 600 miles…

Posted on by April-Rose Appleby

But maybe not 600 more.

No that is not a typo I can assure you.

I have officially moved, no longer a Londoner, although it might take a while to take the London out of me, after all it is a massive adjustment.

So it is official, the first month of 2024 myself and my family moved 600 miles north of London, and so far it has been the best decision we have ever made.

Our Goodbye to London photo one of the last ones we took on our way to our new adventure.

We ended up taking the Caledonian Sleeper (a very lovely journey I might add) to Aberdeen.

The train was an absolute highlight on the long long journey north, something hubby and toddler had been incredibly excited by. The staff are all wonderfully helpful to so while it may be a bumpy night sleep that’s all there is to grumble about, when you’re used to a stationary bed one that physically moves and transports you a few hundred miles over night will be an experience.

We awoke in a rather bracingly cold Aberdeen and killed the wait for the ferry in the shopping centre. We then hopped a lovely Northlink Ferry and off we went. It was definitely not a smooth sailing. But I am pleased or proud to say I didn’t throw up once, though it was tempting.

We arrived very, very, very late at night to a snowy Kirkwall, apparently there’s not been weather like this in quite a few years. We have had a baptism by snow instead of fire.

Safe to say the first 24 hours in our new home was a bit cold.

New Year… New Goals!

Posted on by April-Rose Appleby

For the last few years my version of a New Years Resolution has been the 24/7 goals.

How does it work?

I hear no one ask… Well it is fairly simple, you set 24 goals to achieve across the year, big or small (although give yourself a couple of fairly easy to achieve ones in order to get a little dopamine hit of ticking them off). In that time the minimum you need to complete is 7, that’s all you have to do to be able to say “I completed my New Years resolution this year.”

For the past few years, I have indeed completed the dreaded “New Years Resolution” with a couple of goals to spare, last year I managed a grand total of 10 out of 24.

So what counts?

Anything really.

Your goal list could include:

  • Eat more fruits and vegetables (or just healthier in general)
  • Walk more
  • Exercise
  • Visit a beach
  • Develop a new routine
  • Deep clean the house a few times this year
  • Have a clear out and de-clutter
  • Spend time with family or friends
  • Watch a whole tv series
  • Complete a savings goal
  • Something mega practical and boring like make a will
  • Complete a crafting project
  • Learn a new skill
  • Read x number of books
  • Cook something new
  • Set up a “work” space
  • Create a new habbit
  • Organise Christmas by July if you have the motivation
  • Get a hobby
  • Move house
  • Get that job change done and dusted
  • Career change
  • Midlife crisis

The point is the list is going to be something you want to do. You could even get super accurate or organised and give yourself targeted goals. You could base some goals around your health (physical, emotional, spiritual and even financial), your environment (home, work and adventures), the relationships in your life (at home, work and your community) and your growth (career, finances, creativity, the time you spend at rest and play). These goals can be what you need for yourself, what you want and need for your whole life “glow up” process.

An epiphany post dream

Posted on by April-Rose Appleby

So I thought why not write it out and make more sense of last nights dream and here I am.

Last night I dreamt that essentially I had to manage everyone else’s “big feelings” despite my own. I pretty much ran around in this dream trying to regulate everyone else’s emotions and make them feel better. The whole time I was unable to deal with my own stuff because I had to fix everyone else’s.

It wasn’t a very veiled dream. It’s essentially what I’ve done since childhood. So when I woke up I was more annoyed that even in sleep I was suppressing my stuff to make it better for everyone around me.

Some of my first thoughts waking up were well obviously I don’t need to do that.

  • Why did I feel the need to fix it for everyone else?
  • Why do I feel frustrated by this?
  • Why is this a sore point for me? Is there something going on where I feel like I’m suppressing how I feel again?
  • What do I want to do with this information?
  • What did I learn?

So let’s break this all down.

Why did I feel the need to fix it for everyone?

Since childhood I’m aware (thanks to therapy) I spent most of my time “fixing” parental emotional needs. This is a pattern that I’ve struggled with for years. Others having big feelings around me makes me uncomfortable. It means while I’m trying to make it all better for everyone else I become more and more dis-regulated. Everyone else is comfy and happy while I’ve set myself on fire.

Why do I feel frustrated by this?

Because it’s what I learned as a child and I don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t want to be setting myself on fire for everyone else’s comfort. I made their big feelings better but I’m now spending my adulthood learning what these feelings are within myself and my own experience. It’s a struggle to experience them let alone voice these negative feelings at times.

I simply don’t want to do it for others anymore. It’s not my responsibility to bear the consequences for others for their comfort. It’s not my responsibility to bear the discomfort for them hurting my feelings and not take up the space to say “this is not ok. Stop!” I should be able to express that and give myself the space to deal with how I feel in my own time and space.

Why is this a sore point for me? Is there something going on where I feel like I’m suppressing how I feel again?

The dream feels symptomatic. I feel like I’m worried about regulating others around me whilst I’m still processing my own feelings.

I feel like that by certain others I am expected to smother how I feel and put it aside for their comfort and to do things to the beat of their drums. I’m still processing and that’s taking time.

Being able to vocalise having the feelings and what bothers me is hard enough to do due to a life time of conditioning. It take time for me to then process that I managed to get it out my mouth to begin with. It doesn’t help to then get the flying monkeys pop up and basically get themselves involved when it wasn’t addressed to them instead of the ones it was addressed to.

So I guess I am feeling like there is a pressure to minimise the space I’m taking up for others comfort. I haven’t done it and I don’t want to.

What do I want to do with this information?

I want to reassure myself and my inner child that the only emotions I am responsible for are my own, the only emotions I am responsible for the “fixing” of are mine, for the regulating of belong to me. I am not here to fix what is beyond my control.

What did I learn?

It’s ok for me to have feelings good or bad, big or small. It’s ok for me to take up space. Regulating other people’s emotions is no longer my job and I’m not doing it anymore. It’s ok. It is ok for me to say “this is not my responsibility. This stops now.”

I don’t want to keep doing it is the biggest take away I have. It’s not healthy. It doesn’t help anyone. How I feel is my job. It takes a long time to process how I feel, it’s still strange and foreign to me but even though it takes time I am beginning to really understand that it’s ok and healthy to express how I feel. How others respond to me speaking it out loud or taking the time to process things says a lot about them. It also gives me more to consider as to whether or not the relationship is healthy or sustainable.

Overall

I’m glad I had the dream. Even if when I woke up I was pissed off about it. Sure it was a dream but it was a reminder that I’m still unlearning unsustainable, unhealthy coping mechanisms. The fact I understand them for being that shows that I’ve moved forward and started making progress.

It’s given me a bit of clarity on stuff that’s going on around me that I’ve been undecided about. I’m not 100% decided yet but I’m getting there in my own time.

Mum life

Posted on by April-Rose Appleby

Are used to think writing was more of a ritual. That I could sit down and set up, have my tea and I’ll have my biscuits. I’ll basically be very, very relaxed when I write. Being a mum is the opposite. When I write it stolen moments in time punctured by babbling or miss behaviours, being cheeky, someone wanting attention. Someone not respecting the process, if there is such a thing.

Nowadays I can’t write and snap if I’m distracted or I can’t be upset I’ve been distracted I have my attention taken away. Because now it’s being taken out by the most amazing little human that I’m raising. Which is petrifying same time.

The only thing I wished is that it was easier to write now. Now writing makes me feel guilty because it’s time for myself even if it’s stolen two seconds here and there it’s something that belongs to me. Mum guilt is strong.

Being able to sit down with the notebooks and reference notes and start writing doesn’t seem a possibility at the moment. Majority of the time I have is spent writing these kinds of posts. Little ones.

It’s a world of guilt. Because at the moment I am not willing to say I need to not be distracted for one or two hours unless I really have no choice. So I put writing back on the pile of later. I would hazard a guess that the characters in the story I’m writing are probably feeling a bit neglected right now. It’s understandable.

Being a mum and being a writer and trying to find some kind of balance isn’t something I’ve managed yet. And with the babble for attention in the background taking me away. I will say I will write more later.

Stay safe out there. And may luck and adventure be on your side.

Xxx