.: Entry One-Hundred and Ten :.
My name is Elliot Parker and I know I am the luckiest girl on the planet, even if I am the most heartbroken right now. Even if I am the most messed up I can be right now. Even if I am the coldest inside I have ever been, the most in pain I have been in years. It took a lot to get to get to this point again. But there is one difference, the one thing that is warming me up, the one thing that is right now, the brightest light, the brightest star in the galaxy. Dyl.
Some days, some nights, some stolen fractions of a morning, I just stop and have to thank my lucky stars. I feel safe with him, really safe, the kind of safe that won’t let me second guess a single thing. The kind of safe that I never imagined. From what started out as something so casual, something where I felt so afraid to fall to where I am now. It’s been the most amazing transformation. No matter how hard I had been fighting it, falling in love with Dyl now feels inevitable.
There’s that thing they say, you have three loves in your life. The first, the second and the third. The first taught me what I did and didn’t want and what I could withstand as a human, it made me grow in ways that I couldn’t have predicted, it made me change and loose the innocence of not knowing any better. The second was pretty much definitely Adrian, some kind of toxic mess. And the third (Dyl) they say lasts forever. I hope with no uncertainty that Dyl is that forever for me.
There’s that thing, he is lacking any real way to describe it as my soul mate. I love all the little nuances. Like the way his lips do this little curly smirky thing when he’s drinking. Or when is really, really happy, like crazy ecstatically happy and excited he smiles a certain way, his cheeks go all bright and he get those funny little dimply things and his eyes crinkle and twinkle. Now that, that is my favourite smile, my favourite face that he pulls. It could light the whole world; it really is the best smile ever. Even writing about it now, it makes me smile just thinking about it. I love seeing him happy it is like the world just seems to filter away a little. Seeing him excited, it really is like a child at Christmas, wide eyed and beautiful. The absolute best place in the world to me, is in his arms. The world just dissolves and falls away and becomes that blurry haze where it can’t harm me. Being in Dyl’s arms? It is like the safest, happiest place I can think of. I couldn’t compare it to anything in the world, I just can’t get enough of spending time with him.
I love baking with him every week, just a little something to do together. It’s fun and silly. He is the chief whisker and I do the measuring and do a little mixing when I get the chance. We have very different styles. He’s more make a mess on the baking tin when trying to put the cake mix in. I am more of a try to keep it neat kind of person, he says that’s where all the fun is. I say all the fun comes from baking with him and rolling my eyes at him when he says that. We are slowly getting more baking adventurous. To a degree. But it is fun to just spend that time working together. It’s the best fun and best thing to do on our day off together. That and watching lots of TV.
We watch all the shows we like to watch together, all kinds of silly things and some cooking shows, a couple of comedies. At the end of a day of doing not much and making lots of cakes, we lay in bed and we watch Cake Boss and chit chat before I inevitably fall asleep first. That is our usual pattern and it is perfect. Plus, it’s kind of cool I can burp like a bloke and be congratulated on it. Even though I can burp like a trouper, his farts could literally melt plastic and he is bizarrely proud of every single one no matter how much it makes the paint peel.
I guess I didn’t realise just how much I needed a relationship like this. A centre stone, a rock in all the chaos, especially at the moment. Dyl, has been so incredibly patient and I guess this is my way of saying my own kind of thank you, from the inside out. I am so grateful to have such a wonderful man in my life. I can’t wait to see what the future holds, there is so many wonderful things that I could say, that I could suggest. I just want this happiness to continue, our fun to continue.
I found my third love, the forever kind.
I don’t know how or why, but we just work, we are alike and polar opposites all at once sometimes. It is one of those things where I can reign my childish tendencies in a bit and do the responsible thing and then there goes Dyl flying by me reminding me its ok to cut loose once in a while. I don’t have to be responsible or switched on all the time. Sure enough I don’t doubt, he is the one. He loves me for who I am the good and the bad and I love him all the same, I love him from the bottom of my heart, even when he does a fart that could melt plastic and peel the wallpaper off the walls. It doesn’t feel like trying, it just feels so natural and so right, I have never been so certain of someone and something before. It feels incredible.