The Diary of Elliot Parker

 

My name is Elliot Parker. Except it’s not. And you have known for a very long time.

This was my diary, not private thoughts, not all true and not all false. Some of it, was so very, very real. And you knew that.

I hope that was ok with you.

I started this with the hopes I would be able to deliberately create the life I thought I wanted. When I started I thought happiness came from a toxic relationship that was a cycle of heartbreak and never being enough. I thought that Clover was a good friend at the start, well ok at least, I thought we were trying to make life better and more fun for each other. She just seemed to want to see me keep to that cycle of not enough and being hurt all the time pursuing a relationship that hurt more than it healed. Our friendship cycled in and out of break ups and make ups. When it comes to Clover I think that she will keep her pattern of behaviour because it brings her the attention she wants. But I don’t think it will work so effectively anymore. I am done being abused by someone who has no genuine desire to see me happy. She reminds me now too much of my mother, who I rarely speak of at all, not on here, I save that for my therapist. I wish Clover the best.

I wish Adrian luck in his “not a relationship” and I hope he at least learned from the past, I know I did. I thank him for the experience and for the past that was shared. The good the bad and the ugly taught me what it was I really wanted and what I actually deserved.

I am thankful that I still have a best friend and brother like Hal after all these years. I want to thank him from the bottom of my heart for being the best friend I could have asked for, I want to thank him for years of friendship and fun. It’s been over ten years and I am still the luckiest for having such a wonderful, kind, supportive friend and I hope you have the best life, because you deserve it.

I want to thank Dyl for coming into my life. I want to thank him for showing me a healthy relationship, that love doesn’t have to hurt. I want to thank Dyl for so many things, that to list them would take an eternity but I appreciate every one of them. You showed me a new life, a happy one. One where heart-breaking times were something I could live through with someone so wonderful, strong and supportive by my side. Someone who just made life wonderful just by existing. Thank you so very much for being a part of my life, even if I fought how I felt at the start, I am so glad I stopped fighting and just let life change and grow and become all that it could be.

So while The Diary of Elliot Parker has had moments of pure anger, heartbreak and true pain; it has had the most wonderful moments of revelation. This diary has had some incredible moments of happiness and it hasn’t exactly been a “story” as such, it has been a diary or journal or whatever you call it. It had no beginning, middle or end structure. It had one thing in common throughout, me. I have been finding out who I am and experimenting with that and now I know, like I really know who I am and what I want it gave me the clarity to be able to choose and decide on what I needed to do to pursue a healthy happy life.

So to all those who have read some of my cringing disasters and some of my least favourable qualities and decisions. I apologize but I thank you. Without the bad decisions I probably wouldn’t have found out what it is I wanted to be, who I was. I had lost my identity. I know who I am now. I got to choose myself deliberately working out what made me feel good, what was best for me. Perhaps by reading some of my mistakes it will save you the trouble of making them for yourself.

I am making healthier decisions now about my future. One of those decisions, has been that I will be closing the book on this story. This for the foreseeable future is the end of The Diary of Elliot Parker. This is goodbye for Elliot Parker.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I have learned so very much and grown, hopefully very much too. I hope I have changed massively from the Elliot Parker who wrote that very first sentence.

This is goodbye from me; I hope you live the best life.

The Diary of Elliot Parker is OUT NOW here is the link for Ninety-One to One hundred and Twenty!  

And if you want the whole collection in one neat and tidy book, here is the link for the Complete Collection! OUT NOW!!!

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